Isaacs Picture Conclusions

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 22: SUGAR BOXX (2009)

May 19, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: YOURS TRULY Emulating the “Women in Prison” exploitation from the 70′s, these guys have brought us Sugar Boxx – a movie about hookers hooking it up, getting thrown in jail, being abused, being made to turn tricks every Saturday – and their machete chopping revenge. This also comes complete with a score “Shaft” shat, whippings, abusive cops, abusive guards, the sadistic warden , delousing baths, a tickle fight, a muscle car, “hard core women who live like savages in […]

Categories: 2013, Grindhouse, HUH???, I'm Stupid, One Top Hat, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Boobs, female inmates, Geneviere Anderson, Isaacs Picture Conclusions, Pretty Stupid, prostitution ring, sadistic warden, SHITFEST 2013!, Sugar Boxx Movie Review, Thela Brown, This Movie Sucked, tits

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 21: THE DEVIL INSIDE (2012)

May 18, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: HEAD IN A VICE The Devil Inside was made on a $1 million budget and went on to score a huge box office return. A few films over the years have opened on similar micro-budgets and gone on to make massive profits, whilst being at the very least good films. For example, The Blair Witch Project, Saw, Insidious – all made for similar amounts and all very highly rated by critics and fans within the genre. The Devil […]

Categories: 2012, 2013, HUH???, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Evan Helmuth, Fernanda Andrade, Head in a Vice, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013!, Simon Quarterman, Stupid, SUCKY, Terrible, The Devil Inside Movie Review, Tyson Carter

A SHITFEST 2013 LETTER FROM THE HOST

May 17, 2013 by theipc

Hi everyone, just a quick note to explain my somewhat of an absence. I took Thursday off to rest (work has been very busy lately) and write and I ended up watching six straight hours of Hemlock Grove (it might sound pervy since I’m old but I think I’m in heart with the Shelley character). I took off today with the wife so we could get some things done and then in a few hours we’re going out with some […]

Categories: 2013, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: SHITFEST 2013!, THE LAMB

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 20: SHARK WEEK (2012)

May 17, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: CINEMA SCHMINEMA (OUR SECOND SHARK THEMED ENTRY!!!) Shark Week As we all know, I watch a SHIT ton of movies that would be appropriate for SHITFEST 2013, so it was difficult to decide how to go about preparing my entry. Take something old from my site? Watch something terrible that I would never blog about on my site? (Hey, it could happen!) Or just watch something entirely new that I wasn’t familiar with? I decided to go with […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, Most Unclean, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: As far as I can tell - NO BOOBS, Cinema Schminema, DON'T GO IN THE GODDAMN WATER!!!, Erin Coker, Joshua Michael Allen, Meredith Thomas, Patrick Bergin, SHARK WEEK 2012 MOVIE REVIEW, SHARKS, SHITFEST 2013!, TERRIBLE CONTINUITY, THE ASYLUM, Valerie K. Garcia, Yancy Butler, YOU PEOPLE ROCK!!!

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 19: SPRING BREAK MASSACRE (2008) CLOSE TO NSFW

May 16, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: SCROTEY!!!!! Please note: Scrotey doesn’t have a blog or a website or even a calculator. We’ve been friends for almost 30 years and we recently sat down and put this together for SHITFEST 2013. ENJOY!! Hello there good people. My name is Chris (ED: SCROTEY!!!) and I’m taking my first shot at reviewing a movie so bear with me. My good friend Eric put together this shitfest thing and asked me if I would contribute. So, with fair […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013!, Slasher • Tags: Aly Hartman, Blood!!, Boobs, Butts, Erin Meyers, GIRLS KISSING GIRLS, Linnea Quigley, Renee Darmiento, Sarah Minnich, SCROTEY, Slasher, SPRING BREAK MASSACRE 2008 MOVIE REVIEW, Toni Buena

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 18: BIRDEMIC (2010)

May 15, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: WITH A FRIEND LIKE GARY BIRDEMIC (2010) Directed by James Nguyen Starring Alan Bagh & Whitney Moore A few months ago a friend told me he saw this really awesome movie on netflix-streaming called “Birdemic” and urged me to watch as soon as I got a chance. He seemed genuinely excited, and so I was all ready to get on-board and see what was so good about this movie. So, that night I pulled it up on my […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, Most Unclean, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Alan Bagh, BIRDEMIC MOVIE REVIEW, Bullshit, Catherine Batcha, Janae Caster, MISERY IN FILM, SHITFEST 2013!, Terrible, THEY'RE MAKING A FUCKING SEQUEL????, Tippi Hedren, Whitney Moore, WITH A FRIEND LIKE GARY

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 17: DOLEMITE (1975)

May 15, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: WITH A FRIEND LIKE GARY DOLEMITE (1975) Directed by D’Urville Martin Starring Rudy Ray Moore as Dolemite – and D’Urville Martin as Willie Green On the opening frame we see a couple black dudes in a jail cell and a guard enters with an important message for our wrongfully-imprisoned hero Dolemite, “Okay Dolemite, the warden wants to see you”. Dolemite turns from his top bunk with a constipated look and gruffly says, “Oh shit! What the hell does […]

Categories: 2013, 70s, Drive - In, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: BLAXSPLOITATION, Brenda Banks, Brenda DeLong, D'Urville Martin, DOLEMITE 1975 MOVIE REVIEW, Drive In, Jana Bisbing, Jerry Jones, Joy Martin, Lynell Smith, Marilyn Shaw, Pat Haywood, Pat Jones, René Van Clief, Rudy Ray Moore, SHITFEST 2013!, Terri Mosley, THE HAMBURGER PIMP, Vera Howard, WITH A FRIEND LIKE GARY

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 16: SEX AND THE CITY (2008)

May 14, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: 5 WORD MOVIE REVIEWS When people ask me what type of films I like to watch, my usual response is “I’ll watch anything”. It’s a small thing to be boastful of, but I pride myself on being able to sit through and find something to appreciate in just about every film I can get my grubby little hands on. Well, dear readers, today is the day that hubris finally came back to bite me in the ass. Charlie […]

Categories: 2013, 90s, HUH???, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: 5 WORD MOVIE REVIEWS, Boobs, Chris Noth, Cynthia Nixon, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Sarah Jessica Parker, SEX AND THE CITY MOVIE REVIEW, SHITFEST 2013!

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 15: NAIL GUN MASSACRE (1985)

May 13, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: WIDE WEIRD WORLD OF CULT FILMS Nail Gun Massacre (1985) Director: Terry Lofton Stars: Rocky Patterson, Ron Queen, and Beau Leland This low budget flick from Texas starts off with a good old fashioned gang rape. From there, no time is wasted as people show up only to be picked off by duct taped motorcycle helmet wearing, nail gun toting nutcase who spouts off such corny one liners, I would have requested a couple of nails for each […]

Categories: 2013, 80s, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Beau Leland, Boobs, FLEXING MALE BUTTOCKS, Michelle Meyer, Rocky Patterson, Ron Queen, Sebrina Lawless, SHITFEST 2013!, Staci Gordon, THE NAIL GUN MASSACRE 1985 MOVIE REVIEW, WIDE WEIRD WORLD OF CULT FILMS

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 14: SPOOKIES (1986)

May 13, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: DEEP RED RUM Spookies (1986) Nine people who don’t like each other, and who don’t seem to have much in common besides all having been kicked out of the same event earlier, decide to party in an abandoned mansion, but they soon come to believe that playing with a Ouija board they find in the living room is the reason various monsters show up to stalk and kill them. By the way, it is an established horror movie […]

Categories: 2013, 80s, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: DEEP RED RUM, FELIX WARD, HORROR, LISA FRIEDE, MARIA PECHUKAS, SHITFEST 2013!, SPOOKIES 1986 MOVIE REVIEW, VHS tapes, WEDNESDAY'S CHILD

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 13: MOTHER’S DAY (1980)

May 12, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: HARD TICKET TO HOME VIDEO HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!!!!!!! MOTHER’S DAY (1981) Trailer: What’s It About: I’ll keep this synopsis brief since this film really doesn’t bring in anything new to the horror/slasher genre. This Troma classic was filmed at the same time as the original Friday the 13th (at the same New Jersey forest location too!) and is more akin to a terrorized-girls-seek-revenge flick like I Spit on Your Grave rather than a straight-up horror picture like the Friday the 13th series. Directed by Charlie […]

Categories: 2013, 80s, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: BEATRICE PONS, Boobs, CHARLES KAUFMAN, DEBORAH LUCE, FREDERICK COFFIN, HARD TICKET TO HOME VIDEO, HILLBILLIES, MOTHER'S DAY 1980, NANCY HENDRICKSON, NECK BRACES, SHITFEST 2013!, TIANA PIERCE, Troma, YOKELS

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 12: MORTUARY (2005)

May 11, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: Yours Truly A SHITFEST NOTE: When I initially set the number of contestant entries at 32, that was the set up for the big “bracket” voting system to determine the winner. Later, I fielded some righteous and just questions about the bracket system so I met with some counselors and we decided the fairest way would be to select a jury of your peers to vote on their favorites (no jury member can enter their own entry, although, […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013!, Two Top Hats, Very Gory • Tags: ALEXANDRA ADI, Bloody, CHRISTY JOHNSON, COURTNEY PELDON, DAN BYRD, DENISE CROSBY, LEE GARLINGTON, MICHAEL SHAMUS WILES, MORTUARY 2005 MOVIE REVIEW, Not Very Good, SHITFEST 2013!, TARAH PAIGE, Tobe Hooper, ZOMBIE BOOBS, Zombies

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 11: WICKED LAKE (2008)

May 11, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: Yours Truly *There’s a boob below* (Remember – I want to post something every day this month and since I don’t get a ton of traffic on the weekends, this is were I’ll post my entries. That way YOUR work can get all of the attention : ) ) This movie was supposed to be about four hot chicks who go to a lake and get it on with each other and then are harassed by two different […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Angela Bettis, Boobs, CARLEE BAKER, EVE MAURO, Misery, Most Unclean, PHOENIX RAE, ROBYN SYDNEY, SHITFEST 2013!, SO FUCKING STUPID, Terrible, WICKED LAKE MOVIE REVIEW, Witches!!

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 10: The Worst of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer

May 10, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: HARD TICKET TO HOME VIDEO Even if you’re not familiar with the names Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, you’re probably familiar with the diarrhea the spray all over cinema screens every so often. They’re the troglodytes responsible for anal discharges known as Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie and Vampires Suck (and be on the lookout for the hilarious upcoming The Starving Games!!). They’re essentially the lowest common denominator in film. Every one of their […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, Movie Reviews, Nothing, Population Sample, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Alyson Hannigan, Date Movie, Disaster Movie, Epic Movie, J-Lo, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Meet the Spartans, No Boobs, Samuel L Jackson, SHITFEST 2013!, Snakes on a Plane, Vampires Suck

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 9: BAD MOON (1996)

May 9, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: TRANQUIL DREAMS Director: Eric Red Cast: Mariel Hemingway, Michael Pare, Mason Gamble While on a journalism assignment in Nepal, Ted (Michael Pare) and his girlfriend Marjorie are attacked spontaneously by a beast (while they are having sex). The beast sweeps down and shreds Marjorie to pieces while Ted rummages for the gun and blows off the beast’s head but not before he gets clawed by this creature. After vanishing for a while, he comes in contact with his […]

Categories: Movie Reviews, Nothing, 2013, HUH???, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Terrible, Werewolves, Boring, SHITFEST 2013!, BAD MOON (1996), ERIC RED, "SEXUALITY", MICHAEL PARE, MARIEL HEMINGWAY, MASON GAMBLE, JULIA MONTGOMERY BROWN

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 8: DREAM HOUSE (2011)

May 8, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: CLARATSI’S MOVIE REVIEW There’s something wonderful about a new ‘Dream House’; Lick of paint, replacing old with new, polishing everything to perfection. The same can’t be said for this meager Daniel Craig house of mystery vehicle. Aspiring novelist Will (Craig) quits his job in the city to write and spend more time with his family in their new home to later find out that the previous occupants were murdered. When a mysterious man appears lurking outside his window Will investigates […]

Categories: Movie Reviews, Thriller, Nothing, 2013, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Terrible, Dream House movie review, Daniel Craig, Rachel Weisz, Naomi Watts, No Boobs, Stupid, Nothing, Vapid, SHITFEST 2013!

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 7: SHARK IN VENICE (2008)

May 7, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: BANANAS ABOUT MOVIES Roger Ebert said, “You used to be able to depend on a bad film being poorly made. No longer.” However, bad films poorly made are still out there, still being birthed from the crack addled mind of whatever writer or director is bonkers enough to think they can make movies. Shark in Venice is one of those films. The film stars Stephen “Not as good as Alec” Baldwin, and the seemingly less talented (but no less busty) older […]

Categories: 2013, Action, HUH???, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: BANANAS ABOUT MOVIES, Boobs, HILDA VAN DER MEULEN, LONG LOST TREASURE, MAFIA, MONKEYBOY, SHARK IN VENICE, SHARKS, SHITFEST 2013!, SOUNDS TERRIBLE, STEVEN BALDWIN, VANESSA JOHANSSON

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 6: WAR HORSE (2011)

May 6, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: BIFFER ON FILM WAR HORSE 0/10 Wow, this is one of the worst, most disgustingly bad films I have ever seen. It’s not syrupy or sugary, it’s too artificial for that. It’s aspartame. This is a piece of aspartame shit, and this from the guy that made jaws. The accents and acting in general are among the worst I have ever seen at this level of “blockbuster”, but they were miles behind in the hate-stakes in comparison to […]

Categories: 2013, Excitement, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: A HORSE, A TERRIBLE TURD, Biffer on Film, BIFFER SPICE, CELINE BUCKENS, Emily Watson, JEREMY IRVINE, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013!, STEVEN SPIELBERG, WAR HORSE 2011 MOVIE REVIEW

A SHITFEST 2013 SUPPLEMENT! AN INTERVIEW WITH MICHAEL MYERS!

May 5, 2013 by theipc

Surely you know the man…. he’s been gracing our screens and hanging out in the shadows and our nightmares since 1978… it’s none other than Michael Myers (also known as The Shape). Not too long ago I saved up some money and sent Scrotey out to Illinois (with three pre-paid camera phones) to interview the fellow. I haven’t heard from him ever since but, last month, I received a floppy disc in the mail from an unknown sender. It took […]

Categories: 2013, Excitement, Five Top Hats, Found Footage, Isaacs Interviews, SHITFEST 2013!, Slasher, Very Gory • Tags: Boobs, HALLOWEEN 1978, LAURIE STRODE, Michael Myers, SCROTEY, SHITFEST 2013!, Slasher, THE HALLOWEEN FRANCHISE

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 5: FIVE ACROSS THE EYES (2006)

May 4, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: yours truly From the start, this movie was pretty irritating, then it got VERY irritating, then it kind of got decent and I was thinking that this could be a good movie if it was remade and shot differently, but then the last thirty minutes derailed into very needless, stupid violence that really made no sense whatsoever to anything and it was all I could do to finish it. Let’s see, the shaky cam was stupid, the musical […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, One Top Hat, SHITFEST 2013!, Very Gory • Tags: A Terrible Piece of Shit, AFTER ALL OF THAT... NO BOOBS, ANGELA BRUNDA, DANIELLE LILLEY, FIVE ACROSS THE EYES MOVIE REVIEW, JENNIFER BARNETT, MIA YI, MISERABLE, SANDRA PADUCH, SHITFEST 2013!, VERONICA GARCIA

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 4: LIVE ANIMALS (2008)

May 4, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: yours truly Should you decide to challenge yourself and view the heinousness that is LIVE ANIMALS, this is what you will subject yourself to: Bitterly poor acting that may even hurt your feelings it’s so awful Very curious sound dubbing that makes little sense and adds confusion to what’s happening I can’t find a picture of him but one of the main characters has what appears to be a scar on his face that, honestly, looks like a giant turd and seems […]

Categories: Hostages, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Nothing, One Top Hat, SHITFEST 2013!, Very Gory • Tags: JEANETTE COMANS, LITTLE TO NO BOOBS, LIVE ANIMALS 2008 MOVIE REVIEW, MONICA SUMMERFIELD, PAIN AND MISERY, PAULA ALLEN, POOR QUALITY DVD, SARAH EWELL, SHITFEST 2013!, SHITTY, STACY STILL, Terrible

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 3: PREMIUM RUSH (2012)

May 3, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: FILMHIPSTER The Shittiest Movie of 2012 Premium Rush 30% I’m taking a stand and saying that this ‘shitty bike chase’ was the most over-rated, frustrating disappointment piece of shit of 2012…a few exciting moments, albeit loaded with repetitive content doesn’t make up for allowing poor Michael Shannon to be lost in a convoluted plot with no substance and presenting an unfathomable story that nobody can believe in. HUBBA HUBBA!!! Be sure to check in this weekend (I know we’re […]

Categories: 2013, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: ANTHONY CHISHOLM, DANIA RAMIREZ, Filmhipster, JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT, KYM PERFETTO, LAUREN ASHLEY CARTER, Michael Shannon, No Boobs, PREMIUM RUSH, SHITFEST 2013!, SHITTY, WOLE PARKS

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 2: 88 MINUTES (2007)

May 2, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: MARKED MOVIES Director Jon Avnet released this film with Al Pacino just before “Righteous Kill” in 2007, where he reteamed Al with Robert DeNiro. If you have seen the disaster that that film turned out to be, then you pretty much get the idea where this one is headed. In fact, if I were DeNiro I’d be pretty peeved that Al never mentioned a word about working with Avnet – a director of such stinking magnitude. Dr. Jack […]

Categories: HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: 88 MINUTES MOVIE REVIEW, A VERY SORRY AFFAIR, AL PACINO, ALICIA WITT, AMY BRENNEMAN, Deborah Kara Unger, LEELEE SOBIESKI, LITTLE TO NO BOOBS, MARKED MOVIES, Michael Eklund, SHITFEST 2013!, Terrible, William Forsythe

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 1: BLOODY MARY (2006)

May 1, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: yours truly *Semi NSFW* Honestly, this wasn’t as god-awful as I feared it would be, but it was pretty, pretty stinky. The acting was atrocious by everyone involved, I don’t know what kind of camera they used but I could barely see what was going on half the time, there’s a character in here -that supposedly has some sort of importance in the plot – that makes no fucking sense, the special effects were really kind of terrible […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013!, Two Top Hats • Tags: Amber Borycki, Anna Pippus, Awful, Bloody Mary Movie Review, Boobs, Cory Monteith, Danni Ravden, Eero Johnson, Kim Tyler, Lindsay Marett, Ricky 'Railroad' Reynolds, SHITFEST 2013!, Terrible, Theres a Character in this named Railroad, Witches!!

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