Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE BIG SHITFEST 2013 VOTING UPDATE!!

May 24, 2013 by theipc

*I am not sure if this will qualify as NSFW but there is a “tasteful nude” at the bottom of this post* Hello everyone – While someone who cannot be named might argue that I have been obsessing with this, I don’t know if that’s the right word but I have been giving this a shitload of thought… This IS a competition after all and I want the outcome to be as fair as fucking possible. I originally thought of […]

Categories: 2013, Excitement, Five Top Hats, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: SHITFEST 2013!, YOU PEOPLE ROCK!!!

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 29: IRON MAN 3 (2013)

May 24, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: THE CINEMA MONSTER IRON MAN 3 (2013) Depending far too much on the success of the first two instalments and visual appeal of its played out tactics. Iron Man 3 starts off relatively strong but eventual succumbs to its contrived dialogue, over-compensating story, and childish acrobatics and gadgetry. Desperately trying to infuse more of a dramatic tone into its incessant attempts at comedy and wit, ends up alienating to a point of severe restlessness. Closing a successful trilogy might […]

Categories: 2013, Action, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Ben Kingsley, Dale Dickey, Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce, Gwyneth Paltrow, IRON MAN 3, Jon Favreau, MARVEL COMICS, Paul Bettany, Rebecca Hall, ROBERT DOWNEY JR., SHITFEST 2013!, Stephanie Szostak, THE CINEMA MONSTER, William Sadler

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 28: ABDUCTION (2011)

May 23, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: 5 WORD MOVIE REVIEWS Abduction Sharkboy’z N The Hood. (Sorry) 00:01 Points for the funky opening credit song. 00:03 What it is it about Taylor Lautner that he doesn’t seem to have any expression in the upper half of his face? He has the most prominent browbone in history. It must be like wearing a baseball cap all the time and never being able to take it off! 00:04 Contractually-obligated shirtless scene to appease the Twilight fans. Can we get on […]

Categories: 2013, Action, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Most Unclean, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: ABDUCTION 2011, Alfred Molina, Jason Isaacs (No Relation), Lily Collins, Maria Bello, MISERABLE, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013!, Sigourney Weaver, STUPID MOVIE, Taylor Lautner

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 27: JOHNNY MNEMONIC (1995)

May 23, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: SIR PHOBOS @ KNIGHTS OF MARS ROUNDTABLE The ‘90s brought us – among other things – many a cyber-thriller: The Net, The Lawnmower Man, Virtuosity, The Thirteenth Floor, and hell, even The Matrix. But in 1995, director Robert Longo made a movie to stand the test of time. Johnny Mnemonic is that movie, and while Longo might have believed his gripping tale of Keanu Reeves with too much information in his brain (I call bullshit right out of […]

Categories: 2013, 90s, Movie Reviews, Sci - Fi, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Barbara Sukowa, Dina Meyer, Dolph Lundgren, Henry Rollins, I HATE THE 90S, Ice-T |, Johnny Mnemonic (1995), Keanu Reeves, Science Fiction, SHITFEST 2013!

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 26: DEATH SPA (1989)

May 22, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: DEEP RED RUM Death Spa (1989) As the title suggests, this is a movie about people dying at a spa, which is what they sometimes called a gym in the 80s. More specifically, the owner’s dead wife’s ghost (played by the fake Ashley who was on The Young and the Restless for a few years while Eileen Davidson wasn’t) is killing them while possessing the body of her twin brother, who still works at the spa because he’s the only […]

Categories: 2013, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Alexa Hamilton, Boobs, Brenda Bakke, Chelsea Field, DEATH SPA 1989 MOVIE REVIEW, DEEP RED RUM, Ken Foree, Merritt Butrick, OH THE 80S, Shari Shattuck, SHITFEST 2013!, SOUNDS TERRIBLE, Tane McClure, WEDNESDAY'S CHILD, William Bumiller

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 25: FOREVER EVIL (1987)

May 22, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: WIDE WEIRD WORLD OF CULT FILMS Forever Evil (1987) Director: Roger Evans Stars: Red Mitchell, Tracey Huffman, Charles L Trotter A group of annoyingly preppy young adults go to a fancy cabin only to be killed off by some old looking zombie. the lone survivor Marc decides to find this evil being. With the help of the mysterious Reggie and the too cool for school Detective Leo, they find out that some things truly are….Forever Evil! See what […]

Categories: 2013, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Boobs, Charles L. Trotter, Demons, FOREVER EVIL 1987 MOVIE REVIEW, OH THE 80S, Red Mitchell, SHITFEST 2013!, SOUNDS TERRIBLE, Tracey Huffman, WIDE WEIRD WORLD OF CULT FILMS

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 24: HERCULES IN NEW YORK (1969)

May 21, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: TERRY MALLOY’S PIGEON COOP Hercules in New York Hercules in New York was Arnie’s first film since becoming Mr Universe for the fourth time in 1970. He’s credited in the film as Arnold Strong and his Austrian accent was so thick that his lines had to be redubbed, although you can now get the original sometimes impossible to understand version. To be honest, it’s difficult to know where to start with just how shit Hercules in New York […]

Categories: 2013, 60s, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Arnold Stang, Arnold Strong, Deborah Loomis, hercules in new york (1969), Hilariously Stupid, James Karen, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013!, TERRY MALLOYS PIGEON COOP

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 23: BATMAN AND ROBIN (1997)

May 20, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: BUBBAWHEAT @ FLIGHTS, TIGHTS AND MOVIE NIGHTS My awareness of the shitfest came just after having watched Batman Forever, so it had to have been fate for me to be right in line to watch one of the worst superhero movies ever made and make my contribution to this Shitfest. When Batman & Robin first came out it was pretty anticipated. While Arnold Shwarzenegger wasn’t the most obvious choice for Mr. Freeze, he did at least look the […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: ALICIA SILVERSTONE, Arnold Schwarzenegger, BAT-ASSES, BATMAN AND ROBIN, BIG SCHWARZY, BUBBAWHEAT, CHRIS O'DONNELL, COSTUME NIPPLES, FLIGHTS TIGHTS AND MOVIE NIGHTS, GEORGE CLOONEY, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013!, Terrible, Uma Thurman

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 22: SUGAR BOXX (2009)

May 19, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: YOURS TRULY Emulating the “Women in Prison” exploitation from the 70′s, these guys have brought us Sugar Boxx – a movie about hookers hooking it up, getting thrown in jail, being abused, being made to turn tricks every Saturday – and their machete chopping revenge. This also comes complete with a score “Shaft” shat, whippings, abusive cops, abusive guards, the sadistic warden , delousing baths, a tickle fight, a muscle car, “hard core women who live like savages in […]

Categories: 2013, Grindhouse, HUH???, I'm Stupid, One Top Hat, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Boobs, female inmates, Geneviere Anderson, Isaacs Picture Conclusions, Pretty Stupid, prostitution ring, sadistic warden, SHITFEST 2013!, Sugar Boxx Movie Review, Thela Brown, This Movie Sucked, tits

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 21: THE DEVIL INSIDE (2012)

May 18, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: HEAD IN A VICE The Devil Inside was made on a $1 million budget and went on to score a huge box office return. A few films over the years have opened on similar micro-budgets and gone on to make massive profits, whilst being at the very least good films. For example, The Blair Witch Project, Saw, Insidious – all made for similar amounts and all very highly rated by critics and fans within the genre. The Devil […]

Categories: 2012, 2013, HUH???, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Evan Helmuth, Fernanda Andrade, Head in a Vice, No Boobs, SHITFEST 2013!, Simon Quarterman, Stupid, SUCKY, Terrible, The Devil Inside Movie Review, Tyson Carter

A SHITFEST 2013 LETTER FROM THE HOST

May 17, 2013 by theipc

Hi everyone, just a quick note to explain my somewhat of an absence. I took Thursday off to rest (work has been very busy lately) and write and I ended up watching six straight hours of Hemlock Grove (it might sound pervy since I’m old but I think I’m in heart with the Shelley character). I took off today with the wife so we could get some things done and then in a few hours we’re going out with some […]

Categories: 2013, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: SHITFEST 2013!, THE LAMB

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 20: SHARK WEEK (2012)

May 17, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: CINEMA SCHMINEMA (OUR SECOND SHARK THEMED ENTRY!!!) Shark Week As we all know, I watch a SHIT ton of movies that would be appropriate for SHITFEST 2013, so it was difficult to decide how to go about preparing my entry. Take something old from my site? Watch something terrible that I would never blog about on my site? (Hey, it could happen!) Or just watch something entirely new that I wasn’t familiar with? I decided to go with […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, Most Unclean, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: As far as I can tell - NO BOOBS, Cinema Schminema, DON'T GO IN THE GODDAMN WATER!!!, Erin Coker, Joshua Michael Allen, Meredith Thomas, Patrick Bergin, SHARK WEEK 2012 MOVIE REVIEW, SHARKS, SHITFEST 2013!, TERRIBLE CONTINUITY, THE ASYLUM, Valerie K. Garcia, Yancy Butler, YOU PEOPLE ROCK!!!

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 19: SPRING BREAK MASSACRE (2008) CLOSE TO NSFW

May 16, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: SCROTEY!!!!! Please note: Scrotey doesn’t have a blog or a website or even a calculator. We’ve been friends for almost 30 years and we recently sat down and put this together for SHITFEST 2013. ENJOY!! Hello there good people. My name is Chris (ED: SCROTEY!!!) and I’m taking my first shot at reviewing a movie so bear with me. My good friend Eric put together this shitfest thing and asked me if I would contribute. So, with fair […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013!, Slasher • Tags: Aly Hartman, Blood!!, Boobs, Butts, Erin Meyers, GIRLS KISSING GIRLS, Linnea Quigley, Renee Darmiento, Sarah Minnich, SCROTEY, Slasher, SPRING BREAK MASSACRE 2008 MOVIE REVIEW, Toni Buena

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 18: BIRDEMIC (2010)

May 15, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: WITH A FRIEND LIKE GARY BIRDEMIC (2010) Directed by James Nguyen Starring Alan Bagh & Whitney Moore A few months ago a friend told me he saw this really awesome movie on netflix-streaming called “Birdemic” and urged me to watch as soon as I got a chance. He seemed genuinely excited, and so I was all ready to get on-board and see what was so good about this movie. So, that night I pulled it up on my […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, Most Unclean, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Alan Bagh, BIRDEMIC MOVIE REVIEW, Bullshit, Catherine Batcha, Janae Caster, MISERY IN FILM, SHITFEST 2013!, Terrible, THEY'RE MAKING A FUCKING SEQUEL????, Tippi Hedren, Whitney Moore, WITH A FRIEND LIKE GARY

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 17: DOLEMITE (1975)

May 15, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: WITH A FRIEND LIKE GARY DOLEMITE (1975) Directed by D’Urville Martin Starring Rudy Ray Moore as Dolemite – and D’Urville Martin as Willie Green On the opening frame we see a couple black dudes in a jail cell and a guard enters with an important message for our wrongfully-imprisoned hero Dolemite, “Okay Dolemite, the warden wants to see you”. Dolemite turns from his top bunk with a constipated look and gruffly says, “Oh shit! What the hell does […]

Categories: 2013, 70s, Drive - In, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: BLAXSPLOITATION, Brenda Banks, Brenda DeLong, D'Urville Martin, DOLEMITE 1975 MOVIE REVIEW, Drive In, Jana Bisbing, Jerry Jones, Joy Martin, Lynell Smith, Marilyn Shaw, Pat Haywood, Pat Jones, René Van Clief, Rudy Ray Moore, SHITFEST 2013!, Terri Mosley, THE HAMBURGER PIMP, Vera Howard, WITH A FRIEND LIKE GARY

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 16: SEX AND THE CITY (2008)

May 14, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: 5 WORD MOVIE REVIEWS When people ask me what type of films I like to watch, my usual response is “I’ll watch anything”. It’s a small thing to be boastful of, but I pride myself on being able to sit through and find something to appreciate in just about every film I can get my grubby little hands on. Well, dear readers, today is the day that hubris finally came back to bite me in the ass. Charlie […]

Categories: 2013, 90s, HUH???, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: 5 WORD MOVIE REVIEWS, Boobs, Chris Noth, Cynthia Nixon, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Sarah Jessica Parker, SEX AND THE CITY MOVIE REVIEW, SHITFEST 2013!

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 15: NAIL GUN MASSACRE (1985)

May 13, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: WIDE WEIRD WORLD OF CULT FILMS Nail Gun Massacre (1985) Director: Terry Lofton Stars: Rocky Patterson, Ron Queen, and Beau Leland This low budget flick from Texas starts off with a good old fashioned gang rape. From there, no time is wasted as people show up only to be picked off by duct taped motorcycle helmet wearing, nail gun toting nutcase who spouts off such corny one liners, I would have requested a couple of nails for each […]

Categories: 2013, 80s, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Beau Leland, Boobs, FLEXING MALE BUTTOCKS, Michelle Meyer, Rocky Patterson, Ron Queen, Sebrina Lawless, SHITFEST 2013!, Staci Gordon, THE NAIL GUN MASSACRE 1985 MOVIE REVIEW, WIDE WEIRD WORLD OF CULT FILMS

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 14: SPOOKIES (1986)

May 13, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: DEEP RED RUM Spookies (1986) Nine people who don’t like each other, and who don’t seem to have much in common besides all having been kicked out of the same event earlier, decide to party in an abandoned mansion, but they soon come to believe that playing with a Ouija board they find in the living room is the reason various monsters show up to stalk and kill them. By the way, it is an established horror movie […]

Categories: 2013, 80s, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: DEEP RED RUM, FELIX WARD, HORROR, LISA FRIEDE, MARIA PECHUKAS, SHITFEST 2013!, SPOOKIES 1986 MOVIE REVIEW, VHS tapes, WEDNESDAY'S CHILD

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 13: MOTHER’S DAY (1980)

May 12, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: HARD TICKET TO HOME VIDEO HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!!!!!!! MOTHER’S DAY (1981) Trailer: What’s It About: I’ll keep this synopsis brief since this film really doesn’t bring in anything new to the horror/slasher genre. This Troma classic was filmed at the same time as the original Friday the 13th (at the same New Jersey forest location too!) and is more akin to a terrorized-girls-seek-revenge flick like I Spit on Your Grave rather than a straight-up horror picture like the Friday the 13th series. Directed by Charlie […]

Categories: 2013, 80s, Movie Reviews, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: BEATRICE PONS, Boobs, CHARLES KAUFMAN, DEBORAH LUCE, FREDERICK COFFIN, HARD TICKET TO HOME VIDEO, HILLBILLIES, MOTHER'S DAY 1980, NANCY HENDRICKSON, NECK BRACES, SHITFEST 2013!, TIANA PIERCE, Troma, YOKELS

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 12: MORTUARY (2005)

May 11, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: Yours Truly A SHITFEST NOTE: When I initially set the number of contestant entries at 32, that was the set up for the big “bracket” voting system to determine the winner. Later, I fielded some righteous and just questions about the bracket system so I met with some counselors and we decided the fairest way would be to select a jury of your peers to vote on their favorites (no jury member can enter their own entry, although, […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013!, Two Top Hats, Very Gory • Tags: ALEXANDRA ADI, Bloody, CHRISTY JOHNSON, COURTNEY PELDON, DAN BYRD, DENISE CROSBY, LEE GARLINGTON, MICHAEL SHAMUS WILES, MORTUARY 2005 MOVIE REVIEW, Not Very Good, SHITFEST 2013!, TARAH PAIGE, Tobe Hooper, ZOMBIE BOOBS, Zombies

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 11: WICKED LAKE (2008)

May 11, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: Yours Truly *There’s a boob below* (Remember – I want to post something every day this month and since I don’t get a ton of traffic on the weekends, this is were I’ll post my entries. That way YOUR work can get all of the attention : ) ) This movie was supposed to be about four hot chicks who go to a lake and get it on with each other and then are harassed by two different […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Angela Bettis, Boobs, CARLEE BAKER, EVE MAURO, Misery, Most Unclean, PHOENIX RAE, ROBYN SYDNEY, SHITFEST 2013!, SO FUCKING STUPID, Terrible, WICKED LAKE MOVIE REVIEW, Witches!!

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 10: The Worst of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer

May 10, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: HARD TICKET TO HOME VIDEO Even if you’re not familiar with the names Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, you’re probably familiar with the diarrhea the spray all over cinema screens every so often. They’re the troglodytes responsible for anal discharges known as Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, Disaster Movie and Vampires Suck (and be on the lookout for the hilarious upcoming The Starving Games!!). They’re essentially the lowest common denominator in film. Every one of their […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, Movie Reviews, Nothing, Population Sample, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: Alyson Hannigan, Date Movie, Disaster Movie, Epic Movie, J-Lo, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Meet the Spartans, No Boobs, Samuel L Jackson, SHITFEST 2013!, Snakes on a Plane, Vampires Suck

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 9: BAD MOON (1996)

May 9, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: TRANQUIL DREAMS Director: Eric Red Cast: Mariel Hemingway, Michael Pare, Mason Gamble While on a journalism assignment in Nepal, Ted (Michael Pare) and his girlfriend Marjorie are attacked spontaneously by a beast (while they are having sex). The beast sweeps down and shreds Marjorie to pieces while Ted rummages for the gun and blows off the beast’s head but not before he gets clawed by this creature. After vanishing for a while, he comes in contact with his […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013! • Tags: "SEXUALITY", BAD MOON (1996), Boring, ERIC RED, JULIA MONTGOMERY BROWN, MARIEL HEMINGWAY, MASON GAMBLE, MICHAEL PARE, SHITFEST 2013!, Terrible, Werewolves

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 8: DREAM HOUSE (2011)

May 8, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: CLARATSI’S MOVIE REVIEW There’s something wonderful about a new ‘Dream House’; Lick of paint, replacing old with new, polishing everything to perfection. The same can’t be said for this meager Daniel Craig house of mystery vehicle. Aspiring novelist Will (Craig) quits his job in the city to write and spend more time with his family in their new home to later find out that the previous occupants were murdered. When a mysterious man appears lurking outside his window Will investigates […]

Categories: 2013, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013!, Thriller • Tags: Daniel Craig, Dream House movie review, Naomi Watts, No Boobs, Nothing, Rachel Weisz, SHITFEST 2013!, Stupid, Terrible, Vapid

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