Monthly Archives: November 2011

MOST UNCLEAN

November 30, 2011 by theipc

Today I have felt a sense of general responsibility, for the handful of people who read my posts, to make a list of movies that are not fit for human consumption. Unfortunately, every now and then a real turd comes around and, if I had a resource like this blog to check, I could have saved my senses from the atrocity and maybe even a couple of bucks. Since I want to keep the “quality” stuff on the main blog, […]

Categories: Uncategorized • Tags: Awful, Most Unclean, Movies

Leave a comment

CHILLERAMA (2011) THREE TOP HATS

November 29, 2011 by theipc

I have been waiting for this to come out for a long time – since I really dig Adam Green’s films. What can be better than an anthology of disgusting B-Movie parodies from Green (Hatchet and Hatchet 2, Frozen), Tim Sullivan (2001 Maniacs), Joe Lynch (Wrong Turn 2 {the best of that series so far}) and a dude named Adam Rifkin who I have never heard of or seen any of his movies? The theory is this: the local drive […]

Categories: Grindhouse, Movie Reviews, Three Top Hats, Zombies • Tags: Adam Green, Adam Rifkin, Anne Frankenstein, B Movie, Bloody, Boobs, Chillerama Movie Review, Drive In, Gory, Horror Comedy, Horror Movie, I Was a Teenage Werebear, Isaacs Picture Conclusions, Joe Lynch, Kane Hodder, Musical Number, Peniles, Tim Sullivan, Wadzilla, Zom B Movie

Leave a comment

THE DEAD OUTSIDE (2008) THREE TOP HATS

November 28, 2011 by theipc

I have to admit I was taken in by the colorful poster above, the cool blue eyes and the blood on the mask, as well as the five festival awards. What I got, after a lesson in iPads, VGAs and HDCP, was a really good story with good actors filmed in bleached out white and deep dark blacks that made it sometimes impossible to see what was going on. It also didn’t help that the three main actors had such […]

Categories: Movie Reviews, Three Top Hats, Zombies • Tags: 28 Days Later, Horror Movie, Sandra Louise Douglas, The Dead Outside Movie Review, Zombies

Leave a comment

THE THREE MINUTE REVIEW: CONAN THE BARBARIAN (2011) 2 MOUSTACHES

November 28, 2011 by theipc

I was reading all of the hate for this movie on IMDB the other day, before I watched it and I was thinking there’s no way it could be as bad as people were making it out to be, but it sure was. It was loud and irritating and the CONSTANT 3D blood splatters looked awful and more fake than Tara Reid’s boobs. Jason Momoa did so good as Khal Drogo in Game of Thrones but he totally hammed it up […]

Categories: Three Minute Review • Tags: Awful, Conan the Barbarian 2011, Jason Momoa, Rachel Nichols, Ron Perlman, Rose McGowan

SUPER 8 (2011) FOUR TOP HATS

November 25, 2011 by theipc

I should start off by writing that this graphic was found at designyoutrust.com and is an “unofficial” fan poster – not by the studio – by someone going by @needledesign - so: I am not familiar with any of that and if I am infringing on anything I do apologize, I do not wish to be sued, but I thought this was an awesome rendering of the movie and I hope it makes the designer some dough. Next – even though […]

Categories: Four Top Hats, Movie Reviews • Tags: Alien, Cloverfield, Elle Fanning, Four Top Hats, J.J. Abrams, Kyle Chandler, Let Me In, Matt Reeves, Movie Reviews, Steve Spielberg, Super 8 Movie Review

Leave a comment

DONKEY PUNCH (2008) THREE TOP HATS

November 22, 2011 by theipc

There are a lot of haters out on IMDB hating it up for this movie. “Donkey POOOOOO” they say. “Tripe!” they gripe. “Worst movie ever”. I don’t think it was too bad aside from being a little boring most of the time. It looked nice, the acting was good, it got a little gory here and there and I thought it was mostly believable until the last ten minutes. I also think someone should know what they are getting into […]

Categories: Movie Reviews, Three Top Hats • Tags: Buttcrack Movie, Cool Flare Death, Death at Sea, Donkey Punch Movie Review, Gory, Horror Movie, Isaacs Movie Reviews, Movie Review

Leave a comment

WICKED LITTLE THINGS (2006) TWO TOP HATS

November 21, 2011 by theipc

While I certainly do appreciate the attempts by the After Dark Horrorfest each year, usually these “Too Controversial for Theaters” movies are generally pretty crappy and “Too Boring to Watch”. I caught a couple of them on DVD back when this started: “Dark Ride” (1 TH), “Penny Dreadful” (1 TH), and “The Gravedancers” (1 TH) before I gave up and went on to other things. After Dark 2 came around the next year with eight more films and I caught a few: “Tooth and […]

Categories: Movie Reviews, Two Top Hats • Tags: After Dark Horrorfest, Borderland, Chloe Grace Moretz, Evil Zombie Kids, Geoffrey Lewis, Horror Movie, Isaacs Movie Reviews, Lake Mungo, Mine Collapse, Movie Review, Scout Taylor Compton, Wicked Little Things Movie Review

Leave a comment

THE HOLE (2001) THREE TOP HATS

November 18, 2011 by theipc

Today is a vacation day so I got to sleep in and then watched a movie in bed for the first time in a long time – it was great! I watched The Hole about six or seven years ago and thought I would give it another shot, since it didn’t seem like there was anything better to look at. This was decent enough – we get a young, good looking Keira Knightley, a young odd looking Thora Birch (where […]

Categories: Movie Reviews, Three Top Hats • Tags: Bad Hair, Desmond Harrington, Embeth Davidtz, Keira Knightley, Movie Reviews, The Hole (2001) Movie Review, Thora Birch

Leave a comment

DOGHOUSE (2009) THREE TOP HATS

November 18, 2011 by theipc

First off, my inner Who must say that, not only does this star Noel Clarke (Mickey from the David Tennant era of Doctor Who), but this also has a very small role for the one and only Mary Tamm (Romana 1) from the Tom Baker years, and she has matured very well. It was wonderful to see her again. Secondly, this movie really started off well – it was gory and funny and I liked the way they were going with […]

Categories: Movie Reviews, Three Top Hats, Zombies • Tags: David Tennant, Doctor Who, Doghouse Movie Review, Horror Movie, Mary Tamm, Mickey, Movie Review, Romana

Leave a comment

BIKINI GIRLS ON ICE (2009) TWO TOP HATS

November 11, 2011 by theipc

With a title like that and a poster like this I am sure the only people that are going to watch this are looking for one or two things… that girl without her bikini on or a bunch of gore. Well, the person would be disappointed because there’s not much of either, but surprisingly this wasn’t AS bad as I figured it would be, but that could also be because the last movie I watched was The Stay Awake. In this there […]

Categories: Movie Reviews, Two Top Hats • Tags: Bikini Girls on Ice, Moe the Killer, Movie Review

Leave a comment

THE RITE (2011) THREE TOP HATS

November 10, 2011 by theipc

I have to eat crow and say that this movie isn’t too bad… I had been putting off not watching it for a long time because I heard it was boring, not scary and I was put off because it was PG – 13. Well, I watched it today and it really isn’t too bad. It’s not scary one bit and it’s really not too boring, but the stiff lead (if Anthony Hopkins isn’t considered the lead) Colin O’Donoghue didn’t […]

Categories: Movie Reviews, Three Top Hats • Tags: Anthony Hopkins, Exorcism, Movie Review, Rutger Hauer, The Rite

THE RESIDENT (2011) TWO TOP HATS

November 8, 2011 by theipc

After trolling around the 70′s and 80′s in the Netflix queue (there’s not much else), I found something more modern, the dud that is ”The Resident”. I do remember this being advertised and then released but I don’t remember hearing about this breaking any box office records, and now I see why. Boring from start to finish this really did nothing for me the entire time except make me wonder why the production company thought this would be a good movie […]

Categories: Movie Reviews, Two Top Hats • Tags: Boresville, Hillary Swank, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Movie Review, The Resident Movie

THE BURNING (1981) THREE TOP HATS

November 7, 2011 by theipc

I bet that if I would have seen this back when I was a kid, when I watched all of the other things going on back then, Friday the 13ths, Halloweens, etc, I would probably have felt some fun nostalgia watching this again in 2011. This movie isn’t too bad – for 1981. The viewing experience of this on an iPad is a little different than our old mono, RCA picture tube that needed a light on to allow the […]

Categories: 80s, Movie Reviews, Slasher, Three Top Hats • Tags: 1981 horror, Costanza, Fisher Stevens, Holly Hunter, Jason Alexander, The Burning Movie

Leave a comment

I SPIT ON YOUR CORPSE (1974) TWO TOP HATS

November 4, 2011 by theipc

In the wonderful Netflix streaming queue, this is called “I Spit on Your Corpse” but if you want to look it up on IMDB you’ll find it under “Girls for Rent”. I think the latter is probably more apt since this really doesn’t have anything to do with malevolent revenge and spitting on corpses. “I Spit on Your Grave” (which came out four years later) at least has to do with bloody revenge for something terrible. This is basically a […]

Categories: 70s, Grindhouse, Movie Reviews, Two Top Hats • Tags: 70's Movie Review, I Spit on your Corpse

Leave a comment

FIVE ACROSS THE EYES (2006) ONE TOP HAT

November 4, 2011 by theipc

From the start, this movie was pretty irritating, then it got VERY irritating, then it kind of got decent and I was thinking that this could be a good movie if it was remade and shot differently, but then the last thirty minutes derailed into very needless, stupid violence that really made no sense whatsoever to anything and it was all I could do to finish it. Let’s see, the shaky cam was stupid, the musical “score” was sometimes 80′s […]

Categories: Movie Reviews, One Top Hat • Tags: Five Across The Eyes Movie, Terrible

THIRST (2009) THREE TOP HATS

November 2, 2011 by theipc

From “Old Boy” director Park Chan Wook, comes “Thirst”, an ultra violent, super bloody, pretty disgusting horror / semi comedy about a modern day vampire in Korea. When I use the word horror I mean that this thing is filled with blood and murder and pustules and more blood all over the place and hands inside bodies and murder and armpit licking and necks breaking and toe licking and fingernails breaking and constant, revolting, slurping sounds of blood drinking and […]

Categories: Movie Reviews, Three Top Hats • Tags: (Korean Movie), Park Chan Wook, Thirst, Vampire Movie

Leave a comment

Isaacs Picture Conclusions

An Honest Review from an Honest Guy (who doesn't take things too seriously)

Monthly Archives: November 2011

MOST UNCLEAN

CHILLERAMA (2011) THREE TOP HATS

THE DEAD OUTSIDE (2008) THREE TOP HATS

THE THREE MINUTE REVIEW: CONAN THE BARBARIAN (2011) 2 MOUSTACHES

SUPER 8 (2011) FOUR TOP HATS

DONKEY PUNCH (2008) THREE TOP HATS

WICKED LITTLE THINGS (2006) TWO TOP HATS

THE HOLE (2001) THREE TOP HATS

DOGHOUSE (2009) THREE TOP HATS

BIKINI GIRLS ON ICE (2009) TWO TOP HATS

THE RITE (2011) THREE TOP HATS

THE RESIDENT (2011) TWO TOP HATS

THE BURNING (1981) THREE TOP HATS

I SPIT ON YOUR CORPSE (1974) TWO TOP HATS

FIVE ACROSS THE EYES (2006) ONE TOP HAT

THIRST (2009) THREE TOP HATS

Follow “Isaacs Picture Conclusions”