Isaacs Picture Conclusions

GIALLORAMA! THE NEW YORK RIPPER (1982) ONE TOP HAT

NYR22

Sooooooooooooooo…. I have to be honest here and admit that I thought I was renting something I watched twenty years ago that had Tom Savini in it.  Now that I have paid a horrible price watched this, I realize how wrong I was and what I was looking for is actually called “Jack The Ripper” and not the horrible New York Ripper. This turns out to be a movie in the horror sub-category “Giallo” which is defined as: an Italian 20th century genre of literature and film, which in Italian indicates crime fiction and mystery and characterized by extended murder sequences featuring excessive bloodletting, stylish camerawork and unusual musical arrangements. The literary whodunit element is retained, but combined with modern slasher horror, while being filtered through Italy’s longstanding tradition of opera and staged grand drama. They also generally include liberal amounts of nudity and sex. I am not really that familiar with this genre, but I can tell you from this one – I don’t see myself running out to see some more. When I realized what a pitiful mistake I had made that I wasn’t watching what I thought I had rented, I went and looked it up out on IMDB. To my amazement, this is actually well received, highly rated and generally considered to be a “good one”. So – to this guy, I hated this movie and could barely sit through it, but wanted to spare someone else the pain put this out there in case anyone was thinking of taking a shit on their hard earned money renting it. I guess – this may be a “good one” if you are into this type of thing, but not me.

This was made in ’82 , so I guess I can’t fault the agonizing “mono” sound, but the dubbing was hideous, loud and screechy, the sharp, sudden teeth grinding music made me want to have a seizure, the acting was pitiful even for the 80s, the actors and actresses were all – um, er – ugly and the plot was stupid. To their credit, the special effects were actually very gory and actually kind of sickening (razor to the nipple anyone) and, I suppose, if you’re horny, there’s a TON of ugly, nude women and sex (toe sex with a stranger with dirty feet in a public bar anyone) in this, but the thing that really put me off with this, after all of that, was the fact that the killer talked like a fucking duck. SQUAWK SQUAWK QUACK QUACK!!!!That’s just when he’s talking on the phone. When he’s stabbing some topless broad or shoving a bottle up her (BEEP) he goes off like you just picked up some wild duck out of the pond.  “SQUAWK SQUAWK QUACK SQUAWK SQUAWK QUACK SQUAWK SQUAWK QUACK SQUAWK SQUAWK QUACK SQUAWK SQUAWK QUACK SQUAWK SQUAWK QUACK SQUAWK SQUAWK QUACK SQUAWK SQUAWK QUACK!!!!!!!”

With about ten gruesome kills in this, let me just say that they were probably ten of the most irritating moments that have ever happened to me. I would rather sit and wait in traffic while those assholes in front of me let 50 people in and out of the coffee shop entryway every morning on my way to work then subject myself to that again. Well – enough about this shit. I give this a one because it’s better than the Most Unclean list, and it seems to be popular to fans of the genre (maybe I am just missing something or put out by the duckman), but I can safely say I don’t think I’ll ever give this one another shot.

SQUAWK!!!!

4 comments

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