Isaacs Picture Conclusions

WE ARE WHAT WE ARE (2010) THREE TOP HATS

hmmmmm…… this was a pretty different movie…. I don’t remember what possessed me (beer) to put this movie about “the patriarch of a family of cannibals dies so the rest must learn how to hunt to survive” (or something) into the Netflix queue but I did what I did and We Are What We Are is what it is and we do what we must so here come my thoughts about it and you do what you do and maybe you watch it or maybe you don’t and whether you read this or not, you’ve been fairly advised. First – usually when I conjure up the idea of a movie about cannibalism I picture something pretty gory: someone eating someone else’s guts (eat guts Darin!) or someone gnawing on a human femur like it’s a fried chicken leg. Well – there’s none of that here but this does have some good, bloody special effects in the last twenty minutes or so. In fact, no one eats anyone in this but there is some biting action here and there (a nose, a neck, a finger). Second – I wouldn’t really call this a straight up “horror” – it’s more of a bloody drama revolving around a family who just happen to eat people for dinner. Third – I liked the way the director did this, I liked the camera work and I thought the acting was good, but I  didn’t care too much that most of this takes place inside a dark house or out in the night so I couldn’t really see what was going on all of the time. lastly – I really liked the actress who played the sister Sabina – Paulina Gaitan – I bet she gets popular as she gets older.  Could have been better, could have been much worse.

In the spirit of fun, I think I’ll see if I can do this movie in one long run-on sentence that would make any English teacher will make everyone sick. Spoilers to come:

So this dirty, older man is ogling bikini clad mannequins in a store window when he starts coughing up black blood, dies and the cleaning crew pretty much sweep him out of the way but they don’t know that he has a family (a wife and three kids) who are depending on him to open his clock / watch repair kiosk at the flea market and when he doesn’t show up the two kids (peaceful and brooding Alfredo [Francisco Barreiro] and wild and crazy Julian [Alan Chavez]) are sent out by the mother to open up for the day and Julian gets pissed off at someone and kicks the shit out of him so they get evicted from the market and all is lost but all is really lost when Sabina learns that the dad is dead and who is going to provide food for the family now so Julian and Alfredo go out and get a hooker and bring her home and Julian fondles her boobs but the mom doesn’t want to eat another prostitute so she smashes her head in with some sort of broom and Sabina tells Alfredo “he’s the man in charge now” so he goes out to find some other source of supper while the mom and Julian bag up the hooker and put the dead body where all of the other prostitutes “hook” and she warns them that they will end up like this if “THEY TRY AND FUCK MY SONS!!!!!” and on the other side of town Alfredo has picked up some boy in a boy bar and makes out with him in the bathroom while back at home the mother drops Julian off and they may or may not allude to him and Sabina having some sort of – um – unnatural relationship while the mom heads back out and screws some taxi driver (what??) and suddenly Alfredo shows back up at home with his new boyfriend but Julian and Sabina don’t want to eat the gay boy and the mom shows up with the taxi driver for dinner and all five of them have a well choreographed scuffle and Alfredo’s boyfriend runs off and tells the cops that “THE PEOPLE IN THAT HOUSE WANT TO EAT ME!!!!” so here comes the cops and what do you know here comes the group of hookers and the cops are in the house and Alfredo starts to eat his sister alive so Julian shoots him the head but the cops shoot Julian five or six times and the mom who made her escape on the rooftops jumps down and has a rest on a playground slide and gets killed by the gang of ‘working women’ but the daughter is still alive and she takes her leave of the hospital and the film ends showing her ogling some ugly, skinny dude with a giant head so it seems the family will go on and They Are What They Are amen brother.

So that’s that – and it is what it is but this movie has a lot more substance to it than that sentence, to be fair. It’s pretty bleak and the last twenty minutes are pretty bloody but it’s not as bad as you might think when considering a movie with this subject matter. Again – I thought all of the actors did a good job and there wasn’t a bunch of shitty over acting except for, honestly, when the mom is getting the business in the back of that cab. I am not saying I am going to seek this out and watch it over and over, but I would look at it again if there wasn’t anything else on.

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