Isaacs Picture Conclusions

Isaacs Picture Conclusions

An Honest Review from an Honest Guy (who doesn't take things too seriously)

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  • ~ ISAACS INTERVIEWS 2012 ~
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  • ~ THE MOVIE INDEX ~

Category Archives: Two Top Hats

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SHITFESTBANNER3

SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 12: MORTUARY (2005)

May 11, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: Yours Truly A SHITFEST NOTE: When I initially set the number of contestant entries at 32, that was the set up for the big “bracket” voting system to determine the winner. Later, I fielded some righteous and just questions about the bracket system so I met with some counselors and we decided the fairest way would be to select a jury of your peers to vote on their favorites (no jury member can enter their own entry, although, […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013!, Two Top Hats, Very Gory • Tags: ALEXANDRA ADI, Bloody, CHRISTY JOHNSON, COURTNEY PELDON, DAN BYRD, DENISE CROSBY, LEE GARLINGTON, MICHAEL SHAMUS WILES, MORTUARY 2005 MOVIE REVIEW, Not Very Good, SHITFEST 2013!, TARAH PAIGE, Tobe Hooper, ZOMBIE BOOBS, Zombies

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SHITFEST 2013 ENTRY 1: BLOODY MARY (2006)

May 1, 2013 by theipc

Entry by: yours truly *Semi NSFW* Honestly, this wasn’t as god-awful as I feared it would be, but it was pretty, pretty stinky. The acting was atrocious by everyone involved, I don’t know what kind of camera they used but I could barely see what was going on half the time, there’s a character in here -that supposedly has some sort of importance in the plot – that makes no fucking sense, the special effects were really kind of terrible […]

Categories: 2013, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Nothing, SHITFEST 2013!, Two Top Hats • Tags: Amber Borycki, Anna Pippus, Awful, Bloody Mary Movie Review, Boobs, Cory Monteith, Danni Ravden, Eero Johnson, Kim Tyler, Lindsay Marett, Ricky 'Railroad' Reynolds, SHITFEST 2013!, Terrible, Theres a Character in this named Railroad, Witches!!

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threeminute

THE THREE MINUTE REVIEW: APOLLO 18 (2011) TWO TOP HATS

April 23, 2013 by theipc

Are you familiar with this? Some U.S. astronauts head to the moon and run into some creepy crawlies. It has some good things about it but otherwise it was pretty sorry and, granted I missed the first few minutes dealing with the lawn guys, but after this found footage was finally over I was left with just one fucking question: if all of this took place up in space and on the moon, and that’s how it ended – how […]

Categories: 2012, Found Footage, HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, Sci - Fi, Two Top Hats • Tags: Apollo 18 Movie Review, Found Footage, LAME!!!, NO FUCKING BOOBS!, Not Very Good, Sci-Fi, Space, The Moon

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SIREN2010

SIREN (2010) TWO TOP HATS

April 10, 2013 by theipc

This movie is really a whole lot of nothing.  There are six cast members: two in a relationship, one the needless third party ex boyfriend, a boat rental dude, an insane Tunisian (I think) and then the Siren, the seductive sailor killer from Greek mythology, who is not very seductive in this version.  From what I barely remember from my studies when I was a kid, there were three sirens who sang to sailors and drove them into reefs and […]

Categories: HUH???, I'm Stupid, Movie Reviews, Nothing, Two Top Hats • Tags: Anna Skellern, Boring, Dumb, Eoin Macken, LAME!!!, Siren 2010 Movie Review, Tereza Srbova, Where's the Fucking Boobs

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BTH1

BEYOND THE HILLS (2012)

March 23, 2013 by theipc

Let’s start this out by reinstating that in no way do I now, or would I ever, consider myself a film critic. I’m a guy that likes to drink beer and watch movies and, a long time ago, started writing about them on iWeb and them moved them over here to WordPress. I like movies to be fun and I like to see people having fun making them and being in them and I typically avoid watching, must less writing about, […]

Categories: 2012, 2013, Drama, HUH???, Movie Reviews, Nothing, Two Top Hats • Tags: Boring, LAME!!!, Movies

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POPSAMP

THE WRONG TURN PENTOLOGY

February 6, 2013 by theipc

Howdy and welcome to another version of what I like to refer to as a “Population Sample” or – all of the movies of a franchise in one place. If you were eager to see some of the others I’ve done, to the left and under the beautiful header picture, there’s a link to the POPULATION SAMPLES page. Some of them are long reads but I would only LOVE IT if you’d check them out (looks like I need to […]

Categories: Cannibal Bastards, Nothing, One Top Hat, Population Sample, Three Top Hats, Two Top Hats • Tags: Aleksa Palladino, Ali Tataryn, Amy Lennox, Awful, Bloody Beginnings, Camilla Arfwedson, Cannibalism, Crystal Lowe, Daniella Alonso, Dean Armstrong, Desmond Harrington, Doug Bradley, Eliza Dushku, Emma Clifford, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Erica Leerhsen, Guts, Henry Rollins, Insane Asylum, Janet Montgomery, Jennifer Pudavick, Jeremy Sisto, Joe Lynch, Kaitlyn Leeb, Kevin Zegers, Kimberly Caldwell, let's not eat each other - ok??, Lindy Booth, Louise Cliffe, Rorelee Tio, Roxanne McKee, Samantha Kendrick, Simon Ginty, Steve Braun, Tenika Davis, Terra Vnesa, Texas Battle, Three Fingers, Three Toes, Tom Frederic, Victor Zinck Jr., Wayne Robson, West Virginia Hillbillies, Wrong Turn 2 Movie Review, Wrong Turn 3 Movie Review, Wrong Turn 4 Movie Review, Wrong Turn 5 Movie Review, Wrong Turn Movie Review

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TAKEN2

TAKEN 2 (2012) TWO TOP HATS

February 5, 2013 by theipc

I want to go on record with this thing and admit that I have nothing but love for Liam Neeson and Luc Besson, I like Maggie Grace and I have always enjoyed D.B. Sweeney’s shit – but this movie from Olivier Megaton sucks it. I mean – the wife and I spent a lot of time LAUGHING during this – and this is in no way a comedy. Tons of other people have already written about this and I don’t think […]

Categories: 2012, Hostages, I'm Stupid, Nothing, Thriller, Two Top Hats • Tags: D.B. Sweeney, Famke Janssen, LAME!!!, Liam Neeson, Luc Besson, Maggie Grace, Olivier Megaton, Pretty Awful, Rade Serbedzija, Taken 2 Movie Review

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HOUSESTREET

HOUSE AT THE END OF THE STREET (2012) THBTHTBTHTTHBTHTBHTBHTBHTBTH

January 14, 2013 by theipc

So yeah. I know no one is going to believe me (Tyson) about this – but here’s the thing. I had to take the day off the other day to be home while the chimney people came to fix the back of our chimney. I sat there for a while doing some work while they cleaned everything out and pulled out bricks and such and then I got seriously bored, so I thought I would watch something on TV. I […]

Categories: 2012, I'm Stupid, Nothing, Thriller, Two Top Hats • Tags: Allie MacDonald, Boring, Elizabeth Shue, Eva Link, Gil Bellows, Hailee Sisera, Jennifer Lawrence, Jordan Hayes, Krista Bridges, Max Thieriot, Nonsense!!, Nothing, Stupid, The House at the End of the Street 2012, Vapid

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DEARKILLER1

GIALLORAMA! MY DEAR KILLER (1972) TWO TOP HATS

January 9, 2013 by theipc

Well – sadly – this one wasn’t too exciting either… George Hilton and his moustache are back in what is basically a police procedural with a TON of dialogue and not very much action. I mean , this started off pretty good with a little bit of this: and some of this: and even a little bit of this: but then it just went into a whole lot of this: and a bunch of this: and some of this: Talk […]

Categories: 70s, Giallo, Nothing, Thriller, Two Top Hats • Tags: Booooooooooooooooooring, George Hilton, Helga Liné, Italian Giallo, Italian Horror, Marilù Tolo, Moustaches, My Dear Killer Movie review, Patty Shepard, Too Much Dialogue

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honeymoon

GIALLORAMA! A HATCHET FOR THE HONEYMOON (1970) TWO TOP HATS

January 9, 2013 by theipc

O M G This movie was so boring I could barely even stand it. In fact, this was so boring and the music was so irritating that I have a serious headache. Almost nothing happens in this. There is a TON of this: A bunch of this: A little bit of this: A slight touch of this: and that’s it! Oh wait – there’s also some of this: A dude inherits his mommy’s dress making business and fancy estate. He lives with […]

Categories: 70s, Giallo, I'm Stupid, Two Top Hats • Tags: Antonia Mas, Booooooooooooooooooring, Dagmar Lassander, Death by Hatchet!!, Femi Benussi, Giallo, Hatchet For The Honeymoon Movie Review, Laura Betti, Montserrat Riva, Silvia Lienas, Stephen Forsyth

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NYE1

THE 2ND ANNUAL: NEW YEAR’S EVIL (1980) TWO TOP HATS

December 31, 2012 by theipc

This is year two for this post and this one is kind of special to me.This movie is not very good but this was the first post of mine to ever get tweeted and facebooked and be – I don’t know – it kind of made me feel good like – I had let myself into the party and now someone was talking to me. Back when I published this the first time, I didn’t really know what I was […]

Categories: 80s, Drive - In, Holidays, Slasher, Two Top Hats • Tags: Anita Crane, Grant Cramer, Jeannie Anderson, Kip Niven, Louisa Moritz, Murder!!, New Year's Evil 1980 Movie Review, Roz Kelly, Slasher, Taaffe O'Connell, Teri Copley

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nighttrain2

NIGHT TRAIN MURDERS (1975) TWO TOP HATS

December 26, 2012 by theipc

Well… I rented this because I thought this was a giallo and it sure wasn’t. 70s Italian horror – yes, giallo no. Aldo Lado – yes, excitement and fun, no. Most of this was actually pretty boring except for a couple of scenes and that haunting shot on the side of the train tracks that I can’t seem to shake. I found this on iTunes with the tile “Night Train Murders” but found it on IMDb as “Last Stop of the Night […]

Categories: 70s, Thriller, Two Top Hats • Tags: 70s, Aldo Lado, Another knife in a hoo-hah, Exploitation, Flavio Bucci, Gianfranco De Grassi, Irene Miracle, Italian, Last Stop on the Night Train Movie Review, Laura D'Angelo, Macha Méril, Marina Berti, Night Train Murders Movie Review

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GUT2012

GUT (2012) TWO TOP HATS

November 2, 2012 by theipc

I really do hate to dog on a movie – especially when I think that they tried – but… I was really excited when I found a movie called GUT on iTunes. GUT??? GUT!!! It might just be my brain – such as it is – that when I see a movie called GUT I get really excited for some gnarly fun! Well, GUT is anything BUT. GUT is boring. GUT made little sense. GUT had irritating music throbbing almost the entire time. I […]

Categories: 2012, Nothing, Thriller, Two Top Hats • Tags: Angie Bullaro, Gut 2012 Movie Review, Jason Vail, Leisa Haddad, Misty Gonzalez, Nicholas Wilder, Not Very Exciting, Not Very Good, Sarah Schoofs, Unfun Boobs

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EB1

EVIL BREED: THE LEGEND OF SAMHAIN (2003) TWO TOP HATS

October 16, 2012 by theipc

First – let’s just go ahead and get this out of the way so you can make your own judgements: JENNA JAMESON. Second – I always put the movie poster of my choosing up front so they look all nice on the front page of the theme here. Sometimes, and I have no idea WHY??, but WP skips the movie poster and goes to the next or third picture and that drives my sense of order and OCD insane – […]

Categories: Cannibal Bastards, I'm Stupid, Two Top Hats, Very Gory • Tags: Bobbie Phillips, Brandi-Ann Milbradt, Cannibal Bastards, Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain Movie Review, Gillian Leigh, Pretty Stupid, Pretty Sucky

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KN1

KILLER NUN (1979) TWO TOP HATS

October 10, 2012 by theipc

The cover to this movie is rather OCD upsetting so let’s go with this picture of a nun in a gas mask and mention the real cover later. Killer Nun…. you know this really isn’t a bad Nunsploitation movie… it’s just… kind of… not awesome…. This could have totally used some more Nunsploiting or some more blood or some more action or some more skin and less high pitched screaming and eye acting to me.  I will say that I […]

Categories: 70s, Grindhouse, Two Top Hats • Tags: Anita Ekberg, Boobs, Crazy Nuns!!, Italian Horror, Joe Dallesandro, Killer Nun 1979 Movie Review, Lou Castel, Nerina Montagnani, Paola Morra, Suor Omicidi

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mama1

LET’S SNEAK IN TO THE DRIVE – IN # 10: MAMA DRACULA (1980) ONE PAIR OF KISS BOOTS

September 26, 2012 by theipc

The intro to this is, more than anything, a harbinger nod foreshadowing hint clue of something I think is going to be super awesome love it very amazing coming in the future here at THE IPC, but I am reliant on someone else’s use of their hard earned free time so I wait patiently.  I can’t go into too may details about this so let’s just put on our Starchild makeup and our leather capes and our KISS boots and […]

Categories: 70s, Drive - In, I'm Stupid, Two Top Hats • Tags: Alexander Wajnberg, Drive In, Jess Hahn, Jimmy Shuman, Louise Fletcher, Mama Dracula Movie Review, Marc-Henri Wajnberg, Maria Schneider, Marie-Françoise Manuel, Michel Israel, Nancy Hawaii, Terrible, The 80s, The Worst

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path1

PATHOLOGY (2008) TWO TOP HATS

September 8, 2012 by theipc

What? What is this shit? According to the WordPress note to the bottom right of my screen I have struggled with what to say next for over an hour and a half.  What to say… how do I describe this awful mess… let’s go with this: when I was growing up I spent a lot of time in Southern Claifornia and I used to run around with a couple of “regulars” and one year this weaselly fucker started hanging around and he […]

Categories: I'm Stupid, Two Top Hats, Very Gory • Tags: Alyssa Milano, John de Lancie, Keir O'Donnell, Lauren Lee Smith, Mei Melançon, Michael Weston, Milo Ventimiglia, Pathology Movie Review, Pretty Sucky

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PLAYING HOUSE (2010) TWO TOP HATS

September 4, 2012 by theipc

Since I’ve been doing this, I’ve taken lots of chances on movies I have never heard or seen anything about, usually independent or straight to streaming stuff, and a couple of times we’ve gotten really lucky with low budget who-the-what-thes like AMBER LAKE or SAUNA or FROZEN  or even WILDERNESS SURVIVAL FOR GIRLS but mostly we end up with things like DIMPLES or NEIGHBOR or SIREN. And I want to report everything I see back to The Good and Curious Reader […]

Categories: Nothing, Two Top Hats • Tags: Alex Dorman, Craig Welzbacher, Mari E. Ferguson, Matt Lusk, Mayra Leal, Not Very Exciting, Not Very Good, Playing House 2010 Movie Review, Sarah Prikryl, Shelley Calene-Black

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D&B

DEAD AND BREAKFAST (2004) TWO TOP HATS

August 12, 2012 by theipc

I totally ♥ horror comedies and I totally ♥ super gory things and I totally ♥ zombie movies but for some reason I didn’t like this very much. Did I just not get it? I HATED the rockabilly shit going on throughout it but  even if I get over myself and forget that ever happened, I still didn’t care for much of this. It’s actually been four hours since I wrote those last sentences and reflecting on this movie, I […]

Categories: I'm Stupid, Two Top Hats, Very Gory, Zombies • Tags: Bianca Lawson, David Carradine, Dead and Breakfast Movie Review, Diedrich Bader, Erik Palladino, Ever Carradine, Gina Philips, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Jeremy Sisto, Miranda Bailey, Oz Perkins, Pretty Bloody, Pretty Stupid, Pretty Sucky

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GIALLORAMA! COLD EYES OF FEAR (1971) TWO TOP HATS

July 30, 2012 by theipc

Well hmmm…  When I put this thing in, understanding that this was made in 1971, I was surprised that the first thing to come on screen was a modern video of a goth looking vampire woman fondling some enormous, naked boobs from behind and biting the poor girl’s neck. Then, the girl is writhing on some slab and the vampire is under her letting her blood drip in her mouth and then the words REDEMPTION PRESENTS grace the screen and […]

Categories: 70s, Giallo, Grindhouse, Two Top Hats • Tags: 1970s, Cold Eyes of Fear Movie Review, Frank Wolff, Giovanna Ralli, Italian Giallo, Karin Schubert, Lots of Yelling, Not Very Bloody, Not Very Exciting

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NB

WELCOME TO SPRING BREAK (1989) TWO TOP HATS

July 16, 2012 by theipc

Let me start off by saying that Netflix “found” this for me under the name “Welcome to Spring Break” but the common name for this out there seems to be “Nightmare Beach”. OK, let’s just go ahead and get the elephant out of the room: this movie sucks it. Bad. I’ve gone on record before with my dislike of most things 80s for my various reasons but this one has it all: bad hairdos, bushy eyebrows, men in daisy dukes, […]

Categories: 80s, I'm Stupid, Slasher, Two Top Hats • Tags: Debra Gallagher, John Saxon, Kristy Lachance, Lance LeGault, Michael Parks, Nicolas De Toth, Nightmare Beach Movie Review, Sarah Buxton, Slasher, The 80s, Welcome to Spring Break Movie Review

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ho1c

HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES (2003) TWO TOP HATS

June 26, 2012 by theipc

I’ve spent a few days after watching this trying to determine exactly what it is about this movie that I dislike so much. I mean, I dig Zombie and I really like Devil’s Rejects. I thought Halloween was decent (but 2 sucked ass). This wasn’t too gruesome or anything and it was basically just an hour and a half long music video so, I guess, if I had to pinpoint it, it would probably boil down to the fact that it doesn’t […]

Categories: Two Top Hats, Very Gory, Zombies • Tags: Captain Spaulding, Doctor Satan, Erin Daniels, House of 1000 Corpses Movie Review, Jennifer Jostyn, Matthew McGrory, Rainn Wilson, Rob Zombie, Sherri Moon Zombie, Sid Haig, The Firefly Family, Tiny, Walton Goggins

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hrth

HARD RIDE TO HELL (2010) TWO TOP HATS

June 11, 2012 by theipc

WTF is this stupid movie? Who OK-d this thing?  Who would have thought a movie about five people trying to survive being eaten alive by a gang of satan worshipping bikers who want to bring the antichrist into the world could be soooo stupid and boring? Why is Miguel Ferrer in this thing? Wait – here’s some IPC back story. When I was younger I spent a lot of time in a place called Valencia in Southern California (every summer […]

Categories: I'm Stupid, Two Top Hats, Very Gory • Tags: Brandon Jay McLaren, Brendan Penny, Hard Ride to Hell Movie Review, Katherine Isabelle, Laura Mennell, Miguel Ferrer, Pretty Sucky, Satan Worshiping Bike Gang

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bydw

GIALLORAMA! BABA YAGA, DEVIL WITCH (?) (1973) TWO TOP HATS

June 4, 2012 by theipc

This sure was strange…. and unintentionally funny…. and weird…. and I don’t really know what went on in this after all of this was over with. I actually don’t really even know what this is called. The DVD pack this came in lists this as Kiss Me Kill Me but looking that up on IMDB brought me to something called Baby Yaga, Devil Witch  with a handful of reviewers referring to is as Baba Yaga, Devil Witch but then the posters […]

Categories: 70s, Grindhouse, Two Top Hats • Tags: Baba Yaga, Carroll Baker, Ely Galleani, George Eastman, Isabelle De Funès

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