by theipc
Unsatisfying.
Categories: 2017, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, Drama, No Boobs, Nothing, Two Top Hats • Tags: Bloody, boring as fuck, decapitation, Emma Roberts, James Remar, Kiernan Shipka, Lauren Holly, long and sucky, lucy boynton, Murder!!, No Boobs, piano solo, satan i think, Snow, the blackcoat's daughter, Veronica Cormier
by theipc
Hello! For any of you still out there, you know that this site was developed to talk shit about shit movies – with shitty writing – but, as the site grew, we occasionally found something good to slap out here. I haven’t had the time – or been compelled – to write much lately but i have watched some good things over the last month. Train to Busan was FUCKING GREAT! Logan was pretty excellent. I thought Hollow Point was […]
Categories: 2017, Death and Destruction, Devil Week, Excitement, Four Top Hats, I LOVED IT, No Boobs, SATAN! • Tags: Ethan Embry, gibson flying v guitar, Haunted House, Jamie Tisdale, Kiara Glasco, metallica, Murder!!, Mylinda Royer, No Boobs, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Satan!!, Sean Byrne, Serial Killer, Shiri Appleby, station wagons, The Devil!!, the devil's candy, the loved ones
by theipc
Hello! Welcome to another installment of the rarely used IPC space! Like my last post a month ago, today I’ll visit another 80s horror i had never heard of until the other day which, like that previous post, this movie also suffers from some lameness but at least it doesn’t have that ugly bald guy from The Hills Have Eyes and not one gets a fucking spider in their mouth. Although… well, let’s get to that later. So, what the […]
Categories: 2017, 80s, Boobs, Drive - In, Grindhouse, Slasher, Three Top Hats • Tags: Bill Hitchcock, Buddy Cooper, chopping off heads, Connie Rogers, fall break, fish hook, Frances Raines, Matt Mitler, Murder!!, one set of boobs, Ruth Martinez, Slasher, terrible theme, the mutilator movie
by theipc
i know I don’t get to post much out here these days, but for some reason it was a slow day so i thought I’d try and put something out for better or worse. So I was sitting around, minding my own business, looking for something to watch on the plane and I came across this thing. Obviously, the cover was alluring enough to invite me in but then, when i looked it up, i was all MAREN JENSEN???!!??? ATHENA???? […]
Categories: 2017, 80s, Boobs, SATAN!, Three Top Hats, Thriller • Tags: athena battlestar galactica, beaver, Boobs, caning, Cults, deadly blessing 1981, Eggs, Ernest Borgnine, fiery death, Ghosts, incubus, lisa hartman, Maren Jensen, Sharon Stone, spider eating, Susan Buckner, Wes Craven
by theipc
SO… I had to look up new synonyms for horrible for this thing… I found things like: dreadful, awful, terrible, shocking, appalling, horrifying, horrific, horrendous, horrid, hideous, grisly, ghastly, gruesome, gory, harrowing, heinous, vile, unspeakable; nightmarish, macabre, spine-chilling, blood-curdling; loathsome, monstrous, abhorrent, hateful, hellish, execrable, abominable, atrocious, sickening, foul as well as: nasty, horrid, disagreeable, unpleasant, detestable, awful, dreadful, terrible, appalling, frightful, godawful foul, repulsive, repugnant, repellent, ghastly; obnoxious, hateful, odious, hideous, objectionable, insufferable, vile, loathsome, abhorrent; In the end, […]
Categories: 2016, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, FUCKING TERRIBLE, JB & THE CHOP, Nothing, One Top Hat • Tags: a babysitter locked in the closet, a terrible pile of shit, Amityville 3-D, amityville 4: the evil escapes, amityville exorcism, Amityville: A New Generation (1993), Amityville: The Demon, Andrew Douglas, Andrew Prine, asshole father, blood dripping walls, Boobs, braces, Brandy Gold, Burt Young, bushy bears, candle wax, Candy Clark, Casey Campbell, Cassandra Gava, cheetos, Chloe Grace Moretz, David Naughton, Dawna Wightman, demon in a well, Demons, Devin Clark, Diane Franklin, don't put you're hand in the fucking garbage disposal idiot, elevators, evil cats, Flies, Fredric Lehne, fuck continuity in its butthole, Fucking Stupid, ghost sex, Gracie Largent, GUNS, hangings, haunted mirrors, Helen Hughes, Helen Shaver, holes to hell, incest, Insane Asylum, Jack Magner, James Brolin, james brolin's nuts, James Carolus, James Olson, Jane Wyatt, Jeff Kirkendall, Jimmy Bennett, Julia Nickson, Kim Coates, Lala Sloatman, Lin Shaye, lois lane's boobs, lois lane's butt, Lori Loughlin, Margot Kidder, Marie DeLorenzo, Meg Ryan, Melissa George, microfiche, miserable graphics, more blood dripping walls, more flies, not even in amityville, overalls, patty duke, Philip Baker Hall, Piper Kennedy, possessed lamp, Rachel Nichols, Richard Roundtree, Robert Joy, Robert Rusler, Rod Steiger, ronald reagan, Ross Partridge, Rutanya Alda, RYAN REYNOLDS, Sandor Stern. Patty Duke, Satan and his Buddies, satanic wood, scary houses, shotguns, Side Boob, smoking, squish squish squish, super gramma, terrible 90s hairdos, Terry O'Quinn, Tess Harper, The Amityville Curse (1989), the amityville haunting, The Amityville Horror (1979), The Amityville Horror (2005), the amityville playhouse, the guy from the stepfather, tight underwear, Tony Roberts, turd monster, two sex scenes, uke Barnett, Zoe Trilling
by theipc
Today, young JB and I return to the abyss and bear witness to the atrocity that is a newish movie in the Amityville franchise. Do you remember that time you and your buddy went to that bar and spent all of your money and then had to go clean up some guy’s beer-puke for a free pitcher of beer?? Is this worse than that? Click the sorry looking pic below to find out!
Categories: 2016, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, FUCKING TERRIBLE, JB & THE CHOP, Nothing, One Top Hat • Tags: a babysitter locked in the closet, a terrible pile of shit, Amityville 3-D, amityville 4: the evil escapes, amityville terror, Amityville: A New Generation (1993), Amityville: The Demon, Andrew Douglas, Andrew Prine, asshole father, blood dripping walls, Boobs, braces, Brandy Gold, Burt Young, bushy bears, candle wax, Candy Clark, Casey Campbell, Cassandra Gava, cheetos, Chloe Grace Moretz, David Naughton, Dawna Wightman, demon in a well, Demons, Devin Clark, Diane Franklin, don't put you're hand in the fucking garbage disposal idiot, elevators, evil cats, Flies, Fredric Lehne, fuck continuity in its butthole, Fucking Stupid, ghost sex, Gracie Largent, GUNS, hangings, haunted mirrors, Helen Hughes, Helen Shaver, holes to hell, incest, Insane Asylum, Jack Magner, James Brolin, james brolin's nuts, James Olson, Jane Wyatt, Jimmy Bennett, Julia Nickson, Kaiwi Lyman-Mersereau, Kim Coates, Kim Nielsen, Lala Sloatman, Lin Shaye, lois lane's boobs, lois lane's butt, Lori Loughlin, Margot Kidder, Meg Ryan, Melissa George, microfiche, miserable graphics, more blood dripping walls, more flies, Nicole Tompkins, not even in amityville, over the table banging, overalls, patty duke, Philip Baker Hall, Piper Kennedy, possessed lamp, Rachel Nichols, Richard Roundtree, Robert Joy, Robert Rusler, Rod Steiger, ronald reagan, Ross Partridge, Rutanya Alda, RYAN REYNOLDS, Sandor Stern. Patty Duke, Satan and his Buddies, satanic roses, scary houses, shotguns, Side Boob, smoking, super gramma, terrible 90s hairdos, Terrible CGI, Terry O'Quinn, Tess Harper, The Amityville Curse (1989), the amityville haunting, The Amityville Horror (1979), The Amityville Horror (2005), the amityville playhouse, the fucking flies, the guy from the stepfather, tight underwear, Tony Roberts, turd monster, two sex scenes, uke Barnett, Zoe Trilling
by theipc
*SPOILERS AHEAD* I don’t have time to do much writing any more but I had some spare time this holiday season and thought I would put together some thoughts on this thing. Did I love it? Not really. Mad Dogs and Bosch and Marcella and River and Black Mirror and Glitch and Goliath are a ton better. Better than those are Westworld and reruns of Deadwood, True Detective, The Leftovers and Ray Donovan. But, here we are again so let’s […]
Categories: 2016, Boobs, Drama, HUH???, Three Top Hats • Tags: Alice Krige, Boobs, Brit Marling, homer, interpretive dance, Jason Isaacs, luke abbott interprets, movements, nas from the night of, netflix, phyllis from the office, pointless sex, Scott Wilson, the cave, the doctor from exorcist iii, the oa
by theipc
Knowing my schedule these days, this could very well be my last post of the year but, if it is, we can go out with a bang. I absolutely loved this movie and it’s not because I’ve only been watching horseshit horror on airplanes. I’ve actually seen some pretty good stuff lately but I was particularly in love with this thing. I would like to do a post about Hell or High Water (which I thoroughly liked too) but if […]
Categories: 2016, Excitement, Four Top Hats, I LOVED IT, No Boobs, Thriller • Tags: Christine Ebadi, Ella Ballentine, Excellent, No Boobs, no butts, not too gory, rain, SCOTT SPEEDMAN, the monster 2016 movie, Zoe Kazan
by theipc
In the absence of being able to write anything new, I thought I would share my thoughts (again) on this movie I just love. I was able to watch this the other day and absolutely loved it all over again. Feckin awesome. I wish every movie could be this fun. I’m getting ready to go dump a bunch of praise on this movie because I absolutely LOVED it. It’s an Irish monster movie with it’s tongue so far in it’s […]
Categories: 2013, Excitement, Four Top Hats, No Boobs, Sci - Fi • Tags: Aliens, Bronagh Gallagher, Clelia Murphy, Drunk Fuckers!, Grabbers 2013 Movie Review, Irish Bastards!, Jon Wright, Loved It, No Boobs, Richard Coyle, Russell Tovey, Ruth Bradley, Science Fiction
by theipc
Well…. hello there! The other day I watched a movie while I was not on an airplane and decided to break my silence and talk about it. My silence is caused by an unrelenting and unbelievable stress of work… I’ve never worked this hard in my life – CRY CRY CRY – anyway, I am going to position this post in the way that this movie positions itself – meaning, the dialogue will be screwy but we’re dusting off the […]
Categories: 2016, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, HUH???, No Boobs, Three Top Hats • Tags: Bob Balaban, Erin Boyes, Ghosts, hair combing, Haunted House, i am the pretty thing that lives in the house, long, lucy boynton, Murder!!, netflix, No Boobs, Paula Prentiss, rotary phones, ruth wilson, upside down chair on a wall
by theipc
I don’t know if there is a lot of hype surrounding this thing or not since I am so busy I can’t ever get to the blogs or the news or anything really but I really liked this movie. Aside from the week I spent in Jamaica, I took my second day off in nine months and slept in and decided to go to a Friday matinee and this was it. The theater was empty (which I loved), the hot […]
Categories: 2016, Four Top Hats, I LOVED IT, JIZZ, No Boobs, Thriller • Tags: blind dudes, Bloody, CASH, Daniel Zovatto, detroit, dogs, don't breathe movie review, Dylan Minnette, Fede Alvarez, gun to the head, in vitrio, Jane Levy, ladybugs, No Boobs, spermum, Stephen Lang, trapped in a house
by theipc
Saw 6… does that poster look like he’s throwing up or what? That’s about how I felt by the time this movie was over…. UGH. Oh wait! Maybe we loved it… head over to JB’s place by clicking that FREE link in the poster above!
Categories: 2016, JB & THE CHOP, No Boobs, Three Top Hats, Very Gory • Tags: Alexandra Bokyun Chun, Bear Trap, Beverley Mitchell, Cary Elwes, danny glover, Dina Meyer, Donnie Wahlberg, Emmanuelle Vaugier, filthy bathroom, Franky G, Gross, gruesome, James Wan, JB AND THE CHOP, Leigh Whannell, Leigh Whannell is a terrible actor, Makenzie Vega, marky mark's brother, Michael Emerson, monica potter, nerve gas, No Boobs, no tits, not plausible, not super good, Population Sample, same old shit, saw 4 movie, saw franchise, saw movie 2004, serial killers, severed foot, Shawnee Smith, this needs some boobs, Zep
by theipc
Our friends at Amazon (dotcom) have been putting out some original series lately and this time around they offered up three pilots for the public to watch, rate, review and vote for to become a full time series. The reviews are to go on amazon (dotcom) so this is not for them but just for my three Beloved Readers and to complain about something. Let’s talk about these in the order I looked at them. First up: I never really […]
Categories: 2016, Action, No Boobs • Tags: Alice Haig, amazon pilot movies, Bar Paly, Butts, Griffin Dunne, Griffin Newman, i love dick movie 2016, jean claude van johnson, Joanna Adler, Kat Foster, kathryh hahn gets porked, Kevin Bacon, Moises Arias, n-word jim, No Boobs, Peter Serafinowicz, Phoebe Robinson, Pot, Roberta Colindrez, Robin Lambaria, Stacey Danger, Sweaty Sociologist, TEQUILA, the tick 2016, Valorie Curry, Yara Martinez
by theipc
Do you remember Drive??? What a fucking amazing movie! It set a standard for quasi-action and sponsored host of debates on other sites that still exist but aren’t really functional any more. Then remember the wretched garbage that was Only God Forgives???? What a terrible piece of shit. Surely Refn learned his lesson, yes? Well, this movie is a case for the most eye acting ever in the history of cinema, so let me present this to you in a […]
Categories: 2016, 80s, Boobs, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, Cannibal Bastards, I'm Sorry, Noir, Two Top Hats • Tags: Abbey Lee, Bella Heathcote, Boobs, Cannibalism, Christina Hendricks, christina hendricks has beautiful huge tits, Desmond Harrington, Elle Fanning, elle fanning is not naked in this movie, horse shit, Jamie Clayton, jena malone's tits, Keanu Reeves, LESBOS, los angeles, makes no fucking sense, models, Nicolas Winding Refn, periods, Stacey Danger, Stupid, Terrible, the neon demon movie
by theipc
We’re back for another installment of this shitty franchise! WOO HOO! Did we like it!! Or did I want to tear my face apart like the guy below??? Click the poster to find out!!
Categories: 2016, JB & THE CHOP, No Boobs, Three Top Hats, Very Gory • Tags: Alexandra Bokyun Chun, Bear Trap, Beverley Mitchell, Cary Elwes, danny glover, Dina Meyer, Donnie Wahlberg, Emmanuelle Vaugier, filthy bathroom, Franky G, Gross, gruesome, James Wan, JB AND THE CHOP, Leigh Whannell, Leigh Whannell is a terrible actor, Makenzie Vega, marky mark's brother, Michael Emerson, monica potter, nerve gas, No Boobs, no tits, not plausible, not super good, Population Sample, same old shit, saw 4 movie, saw franchise, saw movie 2004, serial killers, severed foot, Shawnee Smith, this needs some boobs, Zep
by theipc
So, I have to admit, I made a mistake. When I first heard about / saw reviews for this thing, I blew it off as shit. Russell Crowe??? PFFFFT. Ryan Gosling? Meh…. Hipster shit outfits on the poster? I’m out. But Mrs. THE IPC wanted to watch it and that is my Prime Directive so we did and ———————–> I absolutely fucking loved it. The outfits look this way because this is set in the 70s which is my favorite […]
Categories: 2016, Action, Boobs, Five Top Hats, I LOVED IT • Tags: Angourie Rice, Blueface, Boobs, buck rogers, Butts, california, casts, chet, day drinking, ducks, gil gerard, I Loved It, john boy, Kim Basinger, Margaret Qualley, Matt Bomer, misty mountains, Murielle Telio, porn, Russell Crowe, Ryan Gosling, The 70s, the nice guys movie review, the rockford files, Tim Allen, wanna see my dick, Yaya DaCosta
by theipc
I just watched this for the first time in three years and I really liked it again. Then I checked out this post from THREE YEARS ago and thought it would be OK to share again. I’m really starting like Liev Shreiber. I love him in Ray Donovan. I also loved how this thing too it’s time and did it right. Love it. I don’t know how short I am going to keep this because sometimes I have one, maybe […]
Categories: 2013, Excitement, Four Top Hats, I LOVED IT, Movie Reviews, No Boobs, Sci - Fi, Thriller • Tags: Beautiful, Elias Koteas, Goran Kostic, I Fucking Loved It, Liev Schreiber, No Boobs, Not as Good as Gravity Though, Olivia Williams, Romola Garai, Ruairi Robinson, SCI-FI / Horror, Space, The Last Days on Mars
by theipc
I’m running behind for this post so it will be quick! Click the poster above to see what we thought about this thing!
Categories: 2016, JB & THE CHOP, No Boobs, Three Top Hats, Very Gory • Tags: Alexandra Bokyun Chun, Bear Trap, Beverley Mitchell, Cary Elwes, danny glover, Dina Meyer, Donnie Wahlberg, Emmanuelle Vaugier, filthy bathroom, Franky G, Gross, gruesome, James Wan, JB AND THE CHOP, Leigh Whannell, Leigh Whannell is a terrible actor, Makenzie Vega, marky mark's brother, Michael Emerson, monica potter, nerve gas, No Boobs, no tits, not plausible, not super good, Population Sample, same old shit, saw 4 movie, saw franchise, saw movie 2004, serial killers, severed foot, Shawnee Smith, this needs some boobs, Zep
by theipc
First off, I’d like to go on record and state that I hate that movie poster so fucking much that it goes on the #BazookaList and I can’t put that out as my featured image so I’ll free associate Sarah Hyland to Sofia Vergara’s mighty bosom and use a classy picture of her as my image instead. Secondly, I haven’t been traveling much lately but I’ve still been busier than fuck so, when I have ten free minutes I have […]
Categories: 2016, Boobs, HUH???, Nothing, SATAN!, Two Top Hats • Tags: bald people, Boobs, Clara Mamet, Ellen Page, Ethan Hawke, hairy hoohaws, James the Hotel Clerk, Justin Chon, kevin hart, los angeles, no good, not frightening, Sarah Hyland, satanic movie 2016, sofia vergaras mighty bosom, Sophie Dalah, Steven Krueger
by theipc
We return! Saw 3! Was it wonderful? Was it magic-making? Did it make us want to climb the nearest skyscraper and shout its praises to the entire world??? Or was it a piece of shit??? You’ll never know unless you click the poster above!
Categories: 2016, JB & THE CHOP, No Boobs, Three Top Hats, Very Gory • Tags: Alexandra Bokyun Chun, Angus Macfadyen, Bahar Soomekh, Bear Trap, Beverley Mitchell, Cary Elwes, danny glover, Debra McCabe, Dina Meyer, Donnie Wahlberg, Emmanuelle Vaugier, filthy bathroom, Finally some boobs!!, Franky G, Gross, James Wan, JB AND THE CHOP, Leigh Whannell, Leigh Whannell is a terrible actor, Makenzie Vega, marky mark's brother, Michael Emerson, monica potter, nerve gas, No Boobs, not plausible, not super good, Population Sample, saw 2 2005, saw 3 2006, saw franchise, saw movie 2004, serial killers, severed foot, Shawnee Smith, this needs some boobs, Zep
by theipc
It’s my impression that Netflix has been putting out some good shit lately – from their Netflix Originals product – especially in TV – and some of their movies haven’t been too bad so I went into this with moderate expectations and what I thought I got wasn’t that great – but it didn’t totally suck. It was more of an irritant more than anything. Like having a hole in your sock on your long toe. That happens to me […]
Categories: 2016, Drama, No Boobs, Nothing, Two Top Hats • Tags: a dong, a soapy dong, Adam Goldberg, amway, anna friel, anna friel's boobs, Aynsley Bubbico, Fabianne Therese, Fran Kranz, harry hamlin, irraitating, Kat Foster, Kevin Bigley, marcella tv show, Nathalie Autumn Bennett, Nicky Whelan, No Boobs, Pat Healy, rebirth 2016 movie, Sheryl Lee
by theipc
 Today we bring you valuable insight into the first sequel in this franchise. We are all about quality in our methods and procedures (M & P) so be prepared for a very customer friendly exercise regarding a feature where people get brutally murdered. Bring your popcorn, your lube and we’ll have a great time! Click the poster above!
Categories: 2016, JB & THE CHOP, No Boobs, Three Top Hats, Very Gory • Tags: Alexandra Bokyun Chun, Bear Trap, Beverley Mitchell, Cary Elwes, danny glover, Dina Meyer, Donnie Wahlberg, Emmanuelle Vaugier, filthy bathroom, Franky G, Gross, James Wan, JB AND THE CHOP, Leigh Whannell, Leigh Whannell is a terrible actor, Makenzie Vega, marky mark's brother, Michael Emerson, monica potter, nerve gas, No Boobs, not plausible, not super good, Population Sample, saw franchise, saw movie 2004, serial killers, severed foot, Shawnee Smith, this needs some boobs, Zep
by theipc
How about that movie poster? I promise that has nothing to do with anything in this movie. So lame. Anyway, a year or so ago I watched something called “Fun Sized Horror Volume 1” which was an anthology of not very good horror shorts but there was one in particular about a reality show where the contestants had to kill each other that wasn’t bad. In it, there was an actress who I found stunningly good looking so one day […]
Categories: 2016, Boobs, BOOOOOOOORING!!!!, Sci - Fi, Three Top Hats, Thriller • Tags: amber marie bollinger, amber marie bollinger is smoking hot, Artie Ahr, Boobs, Boring, brain zap, Christine Haeberman, lens flares, listening 2014 movie, mind reading, monks, Not That Great, Sci-Fi, shitter, the thingy, Thomas Stroppel
by theipc
That’s right, Most Beloveds ————–> WE’RE BACK! We had to take a break after tackling that miserable Amityville horror franchise (although – even if JB won’t admit it – we did have some fun) (and, truthfully, the break was my fault since I started my new job and rarely have time to do shit) but, like the legendary Phoenix, we rise again, burning bright, blinding you and burning your skin! Soaring into the heavens we will regale you with tales […]
Categories: 2016, JB & THE CHOP, No Boobs, Three Top Hats, Very Gory • Tags: Alexandra Bokyun Chun, Cary Elwes, danny glover, Dina Meyer, filthy bathroom, Gross, James Wan, JB AND THE CHOP, Leigh Whannell, Leigh Whannell is a terrible actor, Makenzie Vega, Michael Emerson, monica potter, No Boobs, not plausible, not super good, Population Sample, saw franchise, saw movie 2004, serial killers, severed foot, Shawnee Smith, Zep
