Isaacs Picture Conclusions

SUCKER PUNCH (2011) THREE TOP HATS

I am a really big fan of Zach Snyder’s “Dawn of the Dead” remake, “300” and “Watchmen”; they are super violent, super R rated and full of everything I like. I kept an eye on this movie for what seemed like a very long time, this fantasy movie about jailbait chicks in skimpy clothing looking to escape and insane asylum, at war with dragons, zombies, robots and giant samurai. Then, they PG-13ed it and I was completely disappointed. Well it finally came out on DVD and we gave it a watch last night. Here’s what I have to say:

Rated PG 13: One Top Hat

Stunning Visuals: Five Top Hats

Unbelievable CGI: Five Top Hats

Wicked Awesome Slo-mo Scenes: Five Top Hats

Five Nubile, Good Looking Teenage Chicks: Four Top Hats

Intensely Choreographed Action Sequences: Five Top Hats

Acting: Two Top Hats

Scott Glenn: One Top Hat

Length: One Top Hat

Violence: One Top Hat

Dialogue: Two Top Hats

Jena Malone as Rocket: Five Top Hats

Soundtrack: Four Top Hats

Use of Soundtrack: Two Top hats

Jon Hamm: Two Top Hats

So, if I add that up and divide by 15, then we come to three top hats. That’s a lot less than I hoped for when this was announced so long ago. I guess we’ll see what happens next when Snyder puts out the next Superman movie. I’m sure it will be PG, but I won’t be expecting a five.

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