Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE WARD (2010) THREE TOP HATS

I think this is officially called “John Carpenter’s The Ward”. “JC” has provided a LOT of entertainment in my life – a LOT – so I am not going to slander his good name,  but this guy hasn’t made a movie the really did anything for me since “In the Mouth of Madness” back in, like, 1994, and I think that was a remake. This movie is really not that great – and probably deserves a lower rating, but since he scared the beejeezus out of me when I was a kid, and he entertained me to this day with “Big Trouble in Little China” , I gotta give him credit for still giving it a go and putting together what could possibly scare some young children. BUT – this movie, set in 1966 is so full of everything we’ve already seen for years and years, with “jump at you scares” and a premise / “big surprise”  that would work if this was, say, released in 1966 is a real dud.  I sure wouldn’t waste the ten bucks to see it before it’s in the theaters, and probably not even waste any of your hard earned cash to see it in the theaters. This should be considered a watch-on-HBO-some-day-when-you’re-messing-with-the-plumbing…

The good looking, blond, teen Amber Heard (also seen in the wonderful “Drive Angry”) is seen running through the woods half clothed and sets fire to a house. She is then sent to a particular “ward” in an insane asylum with four other good looking teenage chicks who have their own set of barely-there clothes. They argue and fight and dance and cuss and try to escape, but they never get out because there is a ghost that is conveniently offing them one by one. One of the girls disappears, they try and escape. Another disappears, they try and escape. Through attrition, we are finally down to just Amber and the ghost – and then we get the big, exposition-explanation that will make you roll your eyes and then the not so shocking end. Scattered throughout is an orderly named Roy who doesn’t have much to do with anything but stopping their escape attempts – and I only mention him because this actor has got to have the biggest ear cavities I have ever seen.

Anyway, this IS John Carpenter who made the classics “Assault on Precinct 13” (the original, not the shitty remake), “Halloween”(s),  “Prince of Darkness”, “The Thing”, etc – but this is also the same “JC” who gave us “Escape From L.A.”, “Vampires” and “Ghosts of Mars”.  So – I can say I have seen every one of his movies, but I can’t say I agree with a lot of them. This guy is getting awful old, so he might not have a lot of production left in him, but we always have his classics. By the way, if you’re ever looking for a quick, one hour job, he did a motion picture for this old HBO series called “Masters of Horror”. I think he did a couple,  but the  one that stands out of the entire set is his “Cigarette Burns”, which is basically about a snuff film – the killing of an Angel – it was very good and pretty creepy. Check that out instead.

2 comments

  1. Agree. This was shit. And it makes me kind of sad, too, as I love They Live & The Thing. But I want to watch this again to check out this dude’s ear cavities! Totally missed that somehow. 😉

    Like

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