Isaacs Picture Conclusions

AUTUMN (2009) TWO TOP HATS

autumnmovie2

If you’re ever in the mood for an exciting zombie movie – this is not the one. What we have here is an extremely boring, way too long story about a group of people talking and talking and moping and being sad and walking around with their mouths open in very poorly lit rooms, with some zombies here and there. Apparently this is based off of a popular series of novels that I have never read or heard of, but this thing, for real, felt more like a crappy TV movie from the late 80s than a crappy movie from the late 80s feels like.  At some points it’s so blurry or dark I couldn’t even tell what was going on, and half the time I couldn’t hear what the actors were saying – even with the TV turned up to level 50. If you are alive, you are likely familiar with the concept of a zombie movie (the dead are alive and usually eating the living), but this one is slightly different: the dead are alive and stupid, but getting smarter – and hungry.  I hate to be really negative, because I know they seemed to try, but nothing really happens in this – at all. I only watched this because there wasn’t really anything else to do, and this isn’t as bad as the commenters on IMDB would lead you to believe,  but I can’t endorse this as a must see… or even a see for that matter. You should probably go ahead and move on past this one unless you’re dying to see David Carradine in something, or one of the dudes from Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (Dexter Fletcher).

So blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah everyone’s dead except for a handful of people who are immune. As always, these handful of people hate each other and bicker and argue, the dead bodies start coming back to life and three of them split to go live out on a secluded farm away from “the walkers”. Well that isolation doesn’t last very long and the three of them mope around and one of them goes back to town for something and runs into an insane Carradine and a bunch of extras walk around with brown or black mud / blood on their faces and we get a LOT of shitty 1980’s slow motion effects (not the cool kind like in Small Town Murder Songs) and a lot of weird triangular dual shot effects (you got me) and weird music and unbelievable situations and finally, finally, finally it’s over.

I wish there was something I could say that was cool about this movie, but there’s really not. If you look at the 1 Top Hats on my site here, this is better than them, since it didn’t actually stink like shit, but there’s not much to go on about here.  My recommendation? Skip Autumn and go watch “28 Days Lateragain.

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