Isaacs Picture Conclusions

NUDE NUNS WITH BIG GUNS (2010) TWO TOP HATS

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Before we get too excited, one way or another, about this movie based on its title, let me post that this isn’t anywhere nearly as taboo as the risque premise presented to us. Yes there are a lot of semi-attractive, fully naked women in this, some weenuses also get some screen time and there’s lots of killing with CGI blood, but there’s only one “nun” who has any guns and they are just pistols, with the exception of some sort of semi automatic weapon she has at the end. This could be more aptly called, “The Revenge of the Nun Who Sheds Her Outfit Frequently” but I suppose that wouldn’t be as alluring to fans of the Nunsploitation genre, now would it? The brief summary is this: some sort of unnamed corrupt Clergy use their nuns to cut, filter, package and deliver what I assume is cocaine. A deal goes wrong with a motorcycle gang known as “Los Muertos” and Sister Sarah is given to them “for their troubles”. Of course she is used as an expensive prostitute-of-the-cloth but she eventually gets free, has a vision that her “God wants her to take revenge on these people in His name”, so she packs some heat and does just that. This movie is actually a step up from the guys that made the poorly punctuated “Run! Bitch Run!” Womansrevengesploitation a few years back, but it’s still not that good. I always have liked  the “Grindhouse” style efforts, but this one can just stay as “watched once”.

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So – as stated, a priest and his nuns drive out into some desert somewhere to drop off the dope to a couple of bikers but it goes wrong, a biker shoots some nuns and is given Sister Sarah (a lady named Asun Ortega) to”keep”. The leader of Los Muertos, Chavo (David Castro) then drugs her up, keeps her naked and guys pay top dollar to “lay with” her drugged up body. Well, one night, one of these romantic encounters goes poorly and a guy is beaten to death with a baseball bat, she is presumed dead – but she’s just “almost dead” from all of the shit in her body.  The “house doctor” takes her naked body to his own home somewhere, she wakes, nudely explains her visions, steals the doctor’s six shooters, kills him and leaves. By the way – this movie is way too long; over the next hour and a half she shoots her way up through the corrupt clergy levels, sexes up her nun girlfriend, Los Muertos go around sexing and killing random people while trying to track her down, the Clergy spend several minutes counting their hundred dollar bills, girls bathe, shower, drink and strip and eventually we get to the strange ending where Sarah goes around a whorehouse killing everyone.

Aside from the irritating musical score and songs, these guys tried to be real fancy with their color scheme, which was pretty annoying. In one five minute scene, for example, colors would go from “normal” to black and white, then to black and yellow, then to black and red, then to black and blue and back to color.  In the old 70s Exploitation movies, the acting was usually pretty, pretty poor – that also seems to be the case presented here, with the exception of Ortega and Castro – I thought they did pretty good, but overall, Nude Nuns with Big Guns didn’t do it for me. There’s probably thirty women in the cast of this movie, and they all bare at least their boobs – if you need a boob fix, this could be the place for you, but don’t expect the “cult classic” type of movie I think they were shooting for.

19 comments

  1. Pingback: Guestblog: IPC (Isaacs Picture Conclusions) | Erotixx

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