Isaacs Picture Conclusions

CHEERLEADER CAMP (1988) THREE TOP HATS

The other day I was talking to a friend about this blog and we both got a big laugh again about “the iPad” review over on the TGOGTSBPOOBO page. Since I am working on another “compilation”, I thought I would give it some marquis treatment – grammar, syntax, spelling errors and all. Here you go:

*****

(I started watching this on a Friday night and decided I would try something new and take notes on the iPad. When I read my notes again on Sunday evening, I thought – hey these are kind of funny and different) so here is my review, via iPad notes, complete with grammar problems and misspellings):

Big hair, big eyebrows, half sweaters, Leif Garrett, short shorts, leotards, hair bows, leg warmers, creepy handyman complete with matchstick in mouth, fat man in drag spying on topless rock sun bathers, bad acting, buck teeth, sideways pony tails, everyone hates the cheerleading mascot, ray bans, “old timey white rapping”, fat guy with naked mooning butt stuck in van window, Leif Garrett, dream premonitions, half shirts, grease ball cook, dark locker room,  boxer shorts with hearts, periscope peeping tom, Leif Garrett is fondling himself, apparently he is stuffing his briefs with a ‘washcloth’,  lead girl is in creepy handyman’s toolshed, he is drinking out of a gallon jug of wine, have I seen this elisabeth newton John looking girl somewhere else, maybe one of the mad max movies, this guy has serious man boobs, tucked in floral sweater, more bushy eyebrows, smoochy smoochy, leif’s a bad actor, another dream sequence, someone may end up dead…, nice headband, did he just goose her?, smooch smooch, my wife distracted me talking about how someone was in a bikini and now fully clothed, apparently someone just got some pruning shears through the head, wait she’s still alive making out with Leif… Huh? Here we are at the mascot dance off – no one is dead, but the lead is freaking out from her bad dream, “our” lead didn’t win, she is pissed…, and sweaty…, cheerleading contest is on! Inside the cabin, Olivia newton John is talking about a choo–choo train, uh oh, fat dude just fell off the stage onto creepy handyman’s beatbox, handyman hopes he dies, Leif: “it’s ok we need to save some face”,  it’s cheerleader queen time, the girl who is so tan she looks Negro isn’t in the running, she has left the cabin, oh boy, the Olivia newton John “nerd” girl is the queen, I bet she doesn’t hang around long, 53 minutes in…, handyman is named puck, seen him somewhere, too tan girl is in the woods, she has fallen down,  puck is looking for something in his tool shed, I guess it’s the flashlight he is now flashing in his face,  too tan falls, rolling down hill, she has a LOT of grass or hay in her hair, there is someone dead – someone did take a pruning shear through the head, why is she being chased by the van? Back to the party – John belushi guy is wearing a six pack beer hat – nice. A lot more half sweaters. Who is this stupid band? Nice white girl dancing. Where is pam?? Some people care, some don,t, belushi fellow drinks a bottle of vodka, steals off with a cheerlead who doesn’t care, cherr leader lady is drunk and stumbling in the woods, the lead and Leif are at a pay phone, (my dog is laying on my lap making this hard to type), cheer leader lady has been stabbed in the back, perv sherrif is asleep at the wheel, The missing cheer has been found and disemboweled, the lead (Allison) is pacing around in the dark, oh wait, the cheer lead (ms tipkins) shows up clinging to life, but she’s done for, back to the lame ass dance party, someone says “stay calm, someones been murdered”, cue panic. Things are calming down, most of the original cheer gang are ready to hang out (aside from the deceased). Too bad the vans battery cable have been cut. Now pucks loading a shotgun. Its 40 miles back to town. Allison has fallen down. Puck is shooting hi shotgun. Belushi guy is filming everything.  Everyones running. The queens tiara has been dropped. Belushi guy is filming his own shit. Leif is out of breath. Belushi guy is named Timmy. Onj has surmised Timmy is the killer. They find his camera and Timmy is now among the dead. They are now cloistered in pucks toolshed.. Someones entering, Leif slams a bear trap on the sheriffs head!! But that was a mistake! The sherrif isn’t the bD guy, here is puck, avenging the sherrif!! Oh man, Leif and he masocot are ok. The four remaining cheer squad decide ro have some wine in front of a fire.  Leif is being too aggressive. Uh oh, someone else s missing. Leif is apparently the killer, Leif has been shot. Oh christ. I liked this movie, but it was sooooooooo lame. Most people probably aren’t into this. Oh well. Fun three th-s. Good enough for a beer night,

*****

(P.S. I think the character I called “Puck” is actually called “Pop”)

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