For whatever it is I do out here, I completely realize that I have set the bar pretty low for future generations of horror movie review writers, but that’s one thing about this place – I don’t take myself or what I do too seriously. When I say THANKYOUTHANKYOU to you, The Good and Loyal Reader, I mean it most sincerely because I know there’s probably only one zillion other places you could go and spend your valuable time, so when you stop by here I truly do appreciate it. So why did I just write all of that? Because I fully realize too, that there is no way I could do a proper rendering of one of the greatest SCI-FI / Horror movies of all time, if not The Greatest. On a personal note, while Alien might have scared the shit out of me when I was a kid, I just gave it a watch the other day and it didn’t necessarily get my blood racing (I still acknowledge its greatness, though), so I would have to announce that Event Horizon is probably my favorite SCI-FI / Horror. I have been watching horror all of my life and I can only think of about two or three of them that actually “scared” me and E.H. is one of them.
So why am I even bothering The Good and Patient Reader with all of this horseshit? Well – DROOOOOOOOL – Prometheus is almost upon us and I am starting to see more and more ads for it and I get excited and can’t contain myself and will this movie just come out already for the love of pete??? Anyway, I wanted to familiarize myself with the original because I hadn’t seen it in twenty or so years, and this promises to be the awesome, kick ass, holyfuckshit movie we are not allowed to call the Alien Prequel. Of course I’ve seen all of the others (but I’ve never made it through the AVPs) and I liked them all, even the woeful fourth one but, but after seeing the “PrOm” trailers, I needed to get back to the first and revisit The Pilot, also know as The Space Jockey, since it seems that’s what we’ve got in store for us next month (gag with nervous anticipation). But it’s not an Alien Prequel. Nope – not that you sonsabitches.
Well we should all be familiar with this: a deep space mining crew awakens from their cryo-sleep when the computer, “Mother”, receives a distress signal from a nearby moon. The crew: Tom Skerritt, Sigourney Weaver, Veronica Cartwright, Harry Dean Stanton, John Hurt, Ian Holm and Yaphet Kotto all wake up, grouse and three of them go investigating inside the giant Omega character looking ship: Ω. Inside, they come across the carcass of The Pilot / Space Jockey, discover a hole in his chest and Hurt heads down to see what’s underneath them. Surely you remember that he comes across dozens of “eggs”, touches one and then he spends a good deal of time with that thing on his face laying an embryo inside his chest.
Everyone knows that soon we get the – well – not “Hello My Baby, Hello My Honey, Hello My Ragtime Gal” birthing of the alien out of his chest and all hell breaks loose until, later, Weaver is wandering around that escape pod in her very tiny underwear and we get to the wicked-ass finish. Soon enough we get the Non-Douche-James-Cameron Aliens and then an i-thought-it-was-pretty-good Aliens 3 by David Fincher and then the strange, Frenchy Alien: Resurrection with Winona Ryder to which we must also note that co-writing credits are shared here with Dan O’Bannon who wrote and directed The Return of the Living Dead. Back to the topic at hand, I was surprised to see, after all of these years, that there’s really not that much alien in Alien – this is more claustrophobic and visually stimulating imagery than it is in the sequels. And don’t get me wrong, the imagery is FANTASTIC. And so is the acting and directing. And the set design. I honestly don’t know how they pulled that off in 1979.
And as for The Space Jockey? I think I have enough to be prepared for the upcoming movie. Apparently they are a race of beings that resemble humans that actually raise “Aliens” to rid primitive planets of indigenous life forms to make way for “human style” species. The image at the top here? That appears to be his “space suit” and not his skeleton, like I thought it was all of these years. So, it seems like, to get prepped up: this Space Jockey was on his way with a load of alien eggs, possibly to Earth, to get it prepared for a new species of humanoids and things didn’t go right for him. And by the way, that wasn’t an S.O.S. Mother received, it was a warning to stay away.