~ strong language and spoilers ahead ~
Apparently everyone IN THE WORLD hates this movie because of the ending. This is: “the worst movie i’ve ever fucking seen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” and “Eat shit and die you mother fuckers!!!!!!!” and “I would rather shit in my hands and eat it than watch this again!!!!!” and “GO BURN IN HELL YOU SUCK YOU FUCKER!!!!!” or something like that. Well – with all of that positive energy going around, I still wasn’t deterred to catch this when it came out for rent / download and, honestly, I didn’t think it was that bad. I mean, after everything we’ve been through for an hour and a half and everyone starts going batshit towards the end of the movie and they all pile into, how else can I put this.. –> A CAR and speed off – what was everyone expecting?? Were they expecting ole J.C. himself to materialize and save the day or something?? Did no one think that – speeding down the highway – this wasn’t going to end in some sort of car wreck?? HUH? Come on, now. I know one of my readers really liked The Last Exorcism, but I thought it was terrible (to each their own, friend) and I thought this was a TON better than that. I was actually entertained for most of this movie and I was surprised how bloody it was and with all of the shit I had read about THE FUCKING WORST ENDING IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!!! I didn’t think it was THAT bad.
I don’t know… maybe some people had really invested a LOT of their lives into the concept that this thing was going to be the next (insert your favorite movie title here) but I got exactly what I was expecting: a good looking, low budget, no name actor cast, surprisingly bloody, use some contortionists for effect, exorcism movie. I didn’t even think the ending was that bad – honestly. What else could we hope for in this? The other day I wrote about a movie called “Perfume” where, for the climax, he pours some home-made perfume on himself and a bunch of homeless, rag wearing, fish-market people eat him alive. Maybe that could have saved this one for these folks? Instead of the wreck, maybe he or she could have been thrown out the windshield and a bunch of demonoids could have crawled out of the darkness and eaten one of them. Gobble gobble gobble YUM! Would I recommend it? Sure – it’s not too bad but don’t expect too much.
So what went on in this bad boy? Filmed “documentary style”, this starts off with the transcript of a 911 call where a distraught woman is telling the operator that she just killed three people. Next up is some “contraband” video tape footage of a police investigation of the hoarder-style crime scene where they come across three pretty bloody corpses and are attacked from off the screen by something ferocious. Cut to the present day where cute little Isabella (Fernanda Andrade) is the daughter of the woman who killed the three priests during her exorcism (the previously mentioned business) and she has hired a documentary crew (I mean, who doesn’t) to film her going to visit with her moms to see if this is something genetic and all of that bullshit. Of course, the Vatican has disavowed that earlier event as an “official exorcism” but they did go ahead and have her mom shipped over to Italy to “keep an eye on her” and such, so they plan to get to the bottom of that too.
Soon enough they land in Italy and do a lot of in-the-front-seat-talking to the cameras set up all around the car ( 😐 ) and then just walk right on in to a discussion about science vs. religion in the local Exorcist Class. Eye rolls here. Later, at the bar, they meet two “maverick exorcists” who perform those rituals out on the sly and they convince them to go have a shot at her mom – which they can get to after they do this other one on their schedule, see. Well, we get that one – all contortiony and blood in the underwear style -and it’s actually not too bad and now we’re on to the hospital to fire up those cameras and get to work on the mom. If you ever saw any of the ads for this movie, you already know that things get crazy up in that hospital room and suddenly the mom is cured!!! YAY!!! SCORE!! ERIN GO BRAGH!
I don’t think I will ruin this movie for anyone by revealing that there were four demons inside momma and they just went ahead and got out of that “hotel room” and now reside in the four folks who were there during the exorcism. I also don’t think that it’s a show stopper to write that things don’t go well for anyone for the rest of this movie, terminating in the worst ending in the history of cinema. Ever. Period. No lies. My life is ruined now that i have witnessed that atrocity. Just kidding, of course – it wasn’t that bad. Sure it could have gone a number of different ways but here’s how I will try and copy the ending IPC-style and we’ll st