The intro: I remember going to the concession “stand” back in the day, ordering up a giant pickle, paying for it and then – yep – reaching my hand into the jug and pulling one out. No tongs, no Purell – just my hand, some brine and a pickle as big as a Diet Coke can. Rock on 70s!! This is issue number 2 of Let’s Sneak In To the Drive In and I really liked this one too. It’s not the same as Bee Girls but it’s still – well – nothing but good 70s fun. I like these so far – I think – they’re… “simple”. Or maybe they give me nostalgia and I remember a much simpler time. I don’t know. Two things to note about this: if you want to look this up on IMDB it’s under the title “The Forgotten” and (yes I liked this so someone else must have too) there’s a remake coming out soon – YES! So – here we go:
We start off with a view of a large wooden house that we already know is “an insane asylum” (LOL) that is home to a bunch of crazy bastards. We’ve got the large black fellow who seems to just be kind of “dumb” and really likes his popsicles, a Vietnam vet who thinks the place is always under siege, some idiot named Danny who seems to be around to harass people, an introvert, a crazed old lady, a chick who is in maternal love with her baby doll, a lady who just wants to be loved (“LOVE ME!!! PLEEEEASSSSEEE LOVE ME!!!!“), a crazy “Judge”, the place’s Doctor and his assistant. Queue up an outside session of wood chopping with the Judge and WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK WHOP!! The Doctor is dead!!
His assistant takes over responsibility of the patients and, that night, a super hot new nurse shows up – recently hired by the doctor to help out. At first she is not welcomed but she is let in nonetheless and gets a less than warm greeting from the patients. This is, of course, the set up for the mystery to unfold – now that the doctor is dead and the new nurse is here, why do people start dying?
First off, the old lady who thinks flowers are her children gets her tongue cut out and then there’s some VERY loud and screechy screaming from all of the females in this cast… Danny steals whatshername’ baby and she screams for a good four or five minutes. The Judge won’t do it with the girl who needs to be loved so she does a LOT of screaming i.e.: “LOVE ME!!!! LOVE ME!!! WHY WON’T ANYONE LOVE ME???!??!” and (I apologize in advance) “TASTE MY STRAWBERRY!!! WHY WON’T ANYONE TASTE MY STRAWBERRY!!??!?!?” The introverted chick suddenly finds her balls and decides to try and kill the new nurse and that involves a shitload of yelling and crying and for some reason the Danny guys goes around the house doing a lot of high pitched laughing…
My favorite part of this thing is when the phone guy shows up. First he has to deal with the tongueless old lady and the batshit Judge before he is interrogated by the head nurse. “Man you guys are kooks!!” He says (or something). “GET OUT!!! GET OUT OF HERE!!!” She yells. “Hey do you want the phone fixed or what??” he asks. “GET OUT!!!.” “Look do you want me to leave or fix it? I’m just the phone guy.” “Ok fix it” Queue an awesome eyeroll. Lucky or unlucky for him, bra-less lady who just needs love corners him in the closet and I think they get it on but… the next time we see the phone guy, he’s got his neck slit.
~ spoilers ~
Well, things aren’t as they seem here. As things start to wind down and more people turn up dead or wounded, the Judge reveals to pretty, young nurse that she’s actually a patient (WHAT!!) and the head nurse is too (WHAT!!!) and she’s killing everyone!!! Everyone goes nuts!! Sam (popsicle guy) is gonna kill Pretty Nurse!! Wait he’s not!!! The other patients go crazy and rip the Head Nurse to shreds!! Sam rescues Pretty Nurse!! All is calm!! YAY!!
I won’t say what’s in the basement because it really doesn’t have shit to do with the movie. In fact this doesn’t really have anything at all to do with the basement or what’s in it. But – I just spent about 20 minutes trying to think of a batter named and I FAILED so let’s just leave it alone and enjoy our giant pickles! This one also gets a: