It’s hard to think of a way to describe Time Crimes (also occasionally listed as Timecrimes) other than: it’s an awesome movie about time travel, but not Doctor Who style, that will probably having you scratching your head through most of it and wondering howinthefuckdidtheypullthatshitoffanyway and leave you wondering what just happened and what’s going to happen next. Honestly, I watched this a few weeks ago and I have been stuck on how to get started on this write up so, hopefully that did the trick. I think I saw the trailer for this (years ago) and thought – “hey there’s a dude with a bloody bandage on his head – I’m in!!” and then rented it and got a wicked awesome, Spanish, time travel movie. If I had been doing this back then I would have slapped a five on the title and said something like “this is great but you have to read it and that doesn’t bother me” BUT the version I (finally) found through Netflix is dubbed and it really took away from the experience I had before. The voices were stupid and didn’t fit the characters and the timing was off and all of that shit, so if The Good and Adventurous Reader feels like taking a chance on this (which I encourage), try and find the subtitled version.
So what is this about? Well – a middle aged man named Karra Elejalde plays a character named Hector who, while sitting in the yard of his summer home (I think) notices something in the woods on the hill behind the house. He grabs his binoculars and checks out the disturbance and WHAT? it’s a good looking chick with her boobs out! Score! Free boobs! He decides to go check out what’s going on and up on the hill he finds her fully naked and passed out against a rock. I’m sure he’s thinking “WTF” or “is this my lucky day?” when he’s stabbed in the arm and he runs off into the trees screaming!! Hiding behind a tree he turns around to see if his assailant has followed him. He spies the guy with the bloody scissors in his hand! The unknown man whips around and does this:
AY YAY YAY Cabron! Off he runs through the trees and comes across some sort of facility!! He busts in and heads into the basement! He finds a walkie talkie and gets a hold of someone who tells him “There’s a guy with a bandage on his head coming into the building! Come to my section and I can help you!!” He runs to the other building and meets “the scientist” who tells him to get into this big, round “tub” with some sort of plunger top! He resists but the bandaged man is at the window!! He gets in and when he gets out —- he’s been transported back in time one hour!!! WHAT???
If you’re a Time Continuum Purist you will probably not enjoy the things that come next because things get pretty nutty. Hector sees himself doing things in the yard. Hector made that mysterious phone call the other Hector received. Hector put that walkie talkie there. Soon there’s more Hectors and things get really crazy. I don’t want to ruin this for anyone who might check this baby out – but it’s really good. It’s also a little puzzling and it’s very well put together, but it might leave you wondering just what’s going on and your brain could get a little loopy. There’s nothing I like more than fun and creativity and the guys that put this together were STUDS so I hope my write up did this justice. I think the people that look here would like this a lot, unless you like your time-lines nice and neat : )
Here’s another look into how things work around here:
Mary (coming into the office): Hi (yaaaaaawwwnnnn) I’m so tired. It’s so cold. (Her husband) went to bed early last night and his dog didn’t know what to do so she bit me trying to eat my almonds. I mean not bit like bad biting but she clamped on my arm and it hurts.
Me: It’s always something with you two.
Mary: I’m so tired. What are you going to post today? It’s so cold.
Me: I don’t know, I have this one thing all written up but I think it’s better for Father’s Day.
Mary: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? You don’t have anything else?
Me: Nope : ( I’ve been too busy dealing with all of this other bullshit.
Mary: Hmmm. I’m so tired.
Me: I guess I could just not put anything out on the holiday.
Mary: What? That’s not your style.
Me: I know : ( but I don’t have anything else.
We look through the three 50 set boxes of DVDs for something suitable for Father’s Day and find nothing.
Me: I guess I could try Time Crimes.
Mary: Whaaaaaaaaaat?? How could you do that movie?
Me: (lol) I don’t know, I’ve been sitting on it for three weeks trying to figure out how to even start it.
Mary: Well…. good luck with that.
Me: I know… thanks.
Mary: It’s too cold in here, let me know if you need any help.
Me: it’s not cold, weirdo.
A few minutes later…
Mary: Hey if you aren’t going to eat some of (The Flash)’s pasta I’m going to eat it.
Me: OK OK I’ll come get it.
Me (pulling it from the fridge): WHAT?? What is this? There’s like two noodles left!!??
Mary: I told you it was good…
And that, Good People, is the story of my life. Time Crimes is good time bending fun – I hope you like it and thanks for reading! You are awesome!