Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE SINFUL DWARF (1973) ONE TOP HAT

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This movie was awful. For reals. No lies.  I thought I was ordering a Giallo when I beeredly queued this up and then when I got it I noticed it was some sort of Danish film (those crazy Danes) but I thought I’d give it a shot anyway. It’s not like I wish I could unsee it (like American Maniacs) and my eyes aren’t burning, but it was just not very good whatsoever.  I mean – the sound was absolutely terrible (which shouldn’t come as a big surprise considering the year it was made) but it was SO BAD I could barely take it. Then they threw some of the most heinous music I have ever heard in it so my ears endured  1.5 hours of agony except for the parts where I turned the volume all the way down. If you’ve been around my place for any length of time you know that “Exploitation” films don’t bother me at all but this thing was just, I don’t know, I’m at a loss for words, just = NOT GOOD.

Dwarfsploitation, Sexploitation, Drugsploitation, Boobsploitation – they’re all in here as four women spend the entire time explicitly nekkid, drugged up on heroin and being used for sex slaves in the filthiest attic in Denmark. They are held captive by that greasy, slimy dwarf there and his mother, a Vodka guzzling person who appears to be some sort of old cabaret singer who has a few totally irritating song and dance pieces that made me feel like crying in pain, like I did when I smashed my thumb with that hammer however long ago. That really fucking hurt. Anyway, there’s these four completely nude ladies in the attic moaning and crying for more heroin and, one night, in come this good looking newlywed couple looking for a place to stay. They give them a room and, of course, they get to boning right away while the little guy peeps on them and then it’s the next day and off the husband goes to sell whatever it is he writes and she’s left alone, braless in her sweater listening to strange noises coming from the attic and there’s some whipping and a bunch of un-requested (and un-simulated I believe) sex and a cane in a WHAT and then it’s the end, thank heavens. This even gets one of these on the office window:

One of the things my friend and I thought about when I first started doing this is that this could be: a place where people could go to read about things they DON’T need to see – I could do the public a service and be on Hadrian’s Wall and  protect you from the vile trail of oozy, black slime that some movies turn out to be. While this wasn’t Most Unclean worthy, since time is precious and is not infinite: this definitely isn’t worth your time. That’s funny – when I downloaded these posters I labeled them “TSD” and that made me think of STDs, so now if I ever think about this movie again it will probably remind me of STDs and, to finish up here, I’ve never had an STD but I think they probably aren’t any fun and probably painful and that’s kind of what this movie is – unfun and painful. In fact, maybe this could be considered an STD of 70s film. HA – I crack myself up. One TH because the braless, blond lead is a super hot act!

10 comments

  1. The Sinful Dwarf’s trailer has been on so many grindhouse trailer compilations that I count myself as having seen it, since old trailers showed you all the highlights of the movie and therefore I never intend to actually watch it. Bless you for taking this one for the team!

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    • theipc

      LOL – I wish I had seen those trailer sets before this – HAHAHA And – you are all humbly welcome. We can all now scratch this off of our bucket lists since we know that this is simply not worth it : )

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  2. Well, now I don’t want to watch it. Why did you suggest this to me?? You obviously hate me…. 😦 Also this makes me think of “Blood Gnomes”. I’ll do a review soon but basically it’s gnomes and S&M but funny.

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    • theipc

      WHHAAAAAAAAATTTT? YOU SHUT YO MOUTH RIGHT NOW! I had no idea it was going to be so bad. I will never suggest this to anyone again. Your comment is sad-making. 😥

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  3. Lemuel Severance

    Quien es mas sad?? The frowny face on the window on a lovely OKC June day? The filthiest attic in Denmark? The IPC realizing it had a non-Giallo beer-viewing? You gotta’ admit – the posters are awesome – sounds like this would have been better as a fake trailer after Planet Terror than a real feature – thanks for taking the hit – so we don’t have to. We want you on that wall, we need you on that wall!

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