Isaacs Picture Conclusions

PENUMBRA (2012) THREE TOP HATS

Let’s go ahead and get this next part over with: I don’t know if it’s because this is relatively new to the various video queues or what, but there’s not many screen captures out there for this movie except for this one, so here it is and we can move along:

Now that that’s over with, let’s address the title here. I had no idea what the word meant and I figured it had something to do with some sort of Spanish ghost or spirit or monster but it turns out it’s the sliver of light that you see when something is blocking the source of the light: The penumbra (from the Latin paene “almost, nearly” and umbra “shadow”) is the region in which only a portion of the light source is obscured by the occluding body. So there we are! YAY Physics!! This movie is about something happening during a total eclipse of the sun and, no, it doesn’t involve buttoning that woman’s shirt back up or daubing the oil off of her, uh, bosom. It actually doesn’t have much to do with her at all and here’s a chance to use my new card I made up the other week:

So, this well oiled lady is Margarita (Cristina Brondo) a snobby, Spanish, puta (bitch) who is down in Buenos Aires apparently screwing some of her law firm’s customers and coincidentally trying to rent out her and her sister’s apartment they inherited some time ago. This film goes to great lengths to make it very clear that “Marga” is from Spain and very much looks down on these pitiful, lowly Argentinians so if you’re not in the mood for some Spanish Class-ism then this is probably not a muy bueno (very good) choice for The Good and Open Minded Reader. I have never been to Spain or Argentina so I can’t attest to the accuracy of this relationship but it’s put out there explicitly that she hates them and they hate her right fucking back, Bitch!!!

Anyway, we meet her as she is waiting for an appointment to meet the lessee and he’s 40 minutes late and a greasy, dirty bum is accosting her for money and she’s real hot and fancy and all of that, so she goes up to wait in the apartment and he’s already in there, what? They agree to rent out the apartment to some very rich man named Salva and she goes to get some tea at the store across the street and gets accosted by the bum again so she tases the shit out of him and heads back to the apartment and – what – someone else is in there waiting for her too, awwwwwwwkward!!

That’s kind of how it goes as she leaves again and comes back and more people are there and then they give her a good beating and tie her up and pull the wallpaper off of the walls and there’s some sort of diagram etched there and then Salva shows up and they’re all going to perform some sort of ritual when the sun is covered up by the moon and transcend to the next life. I’m not real sure why they oil her up but it didn’t really bother me and soon they’re all in a circle and they behead a naked chick and blow their own brains out and she gets free. Naturally, the cops don’t believe her because they search the apartment and there’s only the body of the naked, headless chick so she’s carted off by the police while the bum laughs at her.

I’ve never transcended from this plane to the next (although I have had a couple of out of body experiences) but normally when we see this in film those folks who transcend usually leave their clothes behind, but they don’t in this case. I don’t know if the filmmakers were trying to make us guess at what happened – as in – is Marga just plain loco?? or what, but this was pretty boring for the most part and The Good and Non Transcended Reader would probably be better off just watching the trailer and moving on to something else. This probably could have been much better if they had laid off SO MUCH talking and gave us a little more action but they did not. One TH for being in HD, one TH for some oily whazzits and one TH for the pretty grisly beheading effects.

11 comments

  1. Wait, what exactly is the plot of this? Girl gets tied and beaten and a whole bunch of people kill themselves?? That’s terrible, in a really totally boring way. Seriously, that’s it??

    Like

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