Sometimes I feel bad when I come across a movie I find pretty shitty – sometimes – because I feel like “they tried” to make something good but it didn’t work out for us, but then I run across something like this piece of shit that’s nothing but a vanity film for a handful of deuchebags who happen to have some money and an in with Hollywood. What the fuck is this terrible movie? This is the type of thing that really pisses me off when it comes to normal people like me and people that are much better than me that are out there trying to get something published or something made or make it into the biz or anything like that. They (we) try and try and try and try and try and no one ever notices but then you get this type of bullshit from Joey Bishop’s kid and his bike riding buddies just because “they can”. This movie and all of it’s terribleness can go fuck itself.
Intended to be one of the Nu-grindhouse flicks we got after Q. Tarantino and R. Rodriguez indulged themselves and gave us Death Proof and Planet Terror, this is allegedly a throwback to the old motorcyclesploitation movies from the 60s and 70s up to and even including Dennis Hopper doing his best Easy Rider schtick. Anyone that’s looked at my place here for at least a week, knows that I’m all about 70s exploitation & Grindhouse movies and never shy away from any bare skin, but this is absolutely miserable. The dialogue is ATROCIOUS, the delivery is forced and contrived and gurgly, there’s a ton of nudity for no other reason than “that might be the only way Larry Bishop can get laid”, the acting SUCKS, the story is stupid, the plot was terrible and it took me three different segments of 30 minute intervals to get through this. I actually feel bad for Vinnie Jones being in this because I kind of like his work. Actually, I kind of feel bad for most of the people in this because it’s so awful – except for Bishop who can shove this screenplay up his ass.
Before starting this sentence I had written 362 words about this movie which is way too much. If you’re on the fence about this
stinking anus story of two hardcoremotherfucking motorcycle gangs, hopefully I have nudged you along the path of Not Bothering Your Life with this and, even if you’re still in, you can go to the IMDB quotes page and get an idea about what you’re in for. Screw You, Hell Ride. One TH because I always liked Dennis Hopper but he deserved better.