Isaacs Picture Conclusions

LET’S SNEAK IN TO THE DRIVE – IN # 7: NAKED MASSACRE (1976) TWO PINTOS

I kind of struggled with how to go about this particular write up since I liked the previous efforts in this Drive – In series and had fun thinking up 70s memorabilia, but I didn’t care too much for Naked Massacre and wanted to come up with something from the 70s that I didn’t like. I don’t really remember Pintos so much (my first car was a ’77 Buick Century {damn you K.C. for ruining my ride!!!!!!}) but I remember these Pintos had a problem with –EXPLODING – of all things – and became the butt of tons of jokes during the 70s and 80s, so I went with this. This auto seems a lot like my Century, or a fucking mullet: business in the front and party in the back (lol)… all engine taking care of things and make-out central while the V6 purrs. What’s better to head to the Drive – In than ditching the Pinto, hopping in to the Camino, running a comb through our feathered hair and heading to the Drive – In for:

(Also known as Born for Hell).

~ spoliers ~

I feel it is my goal and duty to report back to you Good People about each and every one of these 100 movies in these two boxes (even if I don’t like em) and I am here today to give you my findings on this – pretty boring, depravity for no reason and not a single character to like or care for. The lead is a Vietnam vet stuck over in Belfast while that war that’s been going on my entire life is raging. Do we care for this penniless mother fucker? Nope – why would we? Sure he saves the elderly hooker from getting beat up, but then he makes her strip and dance for him (oh my eyes!!) at knife point instead of that free B.J. Then he busts in to a house where eight semi good looking nurses live, has, er, well, involuntary sex with one of them and kills her. Then he kills everyone else except for one person who can identify him so he tries to kill himself. Why did he do this? No one knows. Well, I don’t know. Why didn’t those women fight back? There were eight of them and all he had was a switchblade. What was the point in all the social commentary? When I say that the best part about this was the end, I’m not saying that like some dick troll on IMDB, I’m saying that the last minute is kind of cool when they show B&W stills of the victims (before they were kil’t). So – my reco here is to pass on this grass if you ever have the opportunity unless you’re really dying to see some old boobs flopping around.

I normally talk way to much out here but there’s nothing else to report here, Captain. There’s nothing to see here, move along, move along and all of that. Hopefully we strike some more gold with the next one which appears that it’s going to be something called: SLASHED DREAMS.

On a side note – I want to thank all of you who have expressed interest on the poll to help out with the wall art!! You are great and I am surprised how many people voted!! YAY!!! You can still vote or read about the thing from the home page or the “older post” thing below (or is it above) and I’ll probably re-post it again next Monday – but for now – we have our first submission!!! YES!!! I am keeping it vague for now until I can come up with some sort of “big unveiling”, but here’s a teaser!! Thank you you-know-who!!! (obviously, click for bigger image)

yes, Mary IS that short..

24 comments

      • Mike

        Seen it, I own it. If I recall, a sailor gets off boat, walks around and proceeds to slaughters a house full of girls? Nurse or nuns, one or the other.

        Like

      • theipc

        Yep Mike – that’s it. And that’s about how exciting it is. Nurses in peril who have no ability to fight back. At all.

        Like

      • theipc

        Actually a few of them do – they could pad your stats, for sure but it’s a tough watch. There’s a shower scene and a knife-point, um, er, well, lesbian “kissing” scene.

        Like

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