Do you remember these bad boys? Alluring and seductive models giving you an “I will give you sex” look or butch, handsome and mustachioed men and their moose knuckles looking into the camera and letting you know that everything will be better in the sack if we smoke some Camel straights? I think they banned these a couple of decades ago, but I don’t read many magazines any longer so I haven’t really noticed. In either case, fire it up if that’s what you like and meet me at the Drive – In for a little bit of this:
(this is also known as SUNBURST, if you really care)
I was really enjoying this for about forty minutes. This was pure and simple 70s fun… chicks with pig tails, discussions about the Age of Aquarius, pop top warm beer drinking, skinny dipping, a hilariously awful soundtrack, poor over acting and general goodness until, at about 40 minutes when the two hillbillies, Danker and Levon show up straight out of Hee Haw yucking it up and grabbing themselves and talking as stupidly as possible. I mean to the effect of something like: “YEEE HAWWW LEVON!! LOOK AT THEM BOOBIES!!! I MIGHT HAVE TO TURN YOU AROUND AND BEND YOU OVER AND STICK YOU LIKE MY COUSIN!!! WOOOOHAAAAA!” Ugh.
Luckily, they leave soon and our two main characters Jenny (a good looking Kathrine Baumann) and Robert (macho Peter Hooten) make sweet, sweet love and retire for the night. But innocence is lost soon as the idiotic mountain people return to force themselves in to poor Jenny which is allegedly what happens but I thought the first guy wasn’t able to “perform” and the second guy never seemed to get his trousers ready so I was thinking nothing happened but the next morning the two are very shaken up. BTW, they beat the shit out of Hooten so he wasn’t able to fend them off, if you were curious.
I forgot to mention – why are they in the mountains putting their lives at risk? Well, it seems their old college buddy (Robert Englund) had dropped out (because he smoked too much El Pot-o) and moved into a hut on a cliff to be closer to nature, so they are paying him a social call. Where were we? Right – the next morning is all kinds of awkward with Jenny traumatized and Robert feeling terrible that he couldn’t do anything about it. But Englund shows up and gives some soothing 70s relief talk and she “lets the eagle fly away” or something like that while Robert goes out for revenge in the worst knife fight in the history of cinema. Once he’s chased the two cooters off they all have a nice laugh and go do some more skinny dipping.
My advice here would be to skip this unless you’re just one of those people like me who set out to completely view everything in this box and you can’t give up your dreams. HA!