Isaacs Picture Conclusions

LET’S SNEAK IN TO THE DRIVE – IN # 8: SLASHED DREAMS (1975) TWO CIGARETTE ADS

Do you remember these bad boys? Alluring and seductive models giving you an “I will give you sex” look or butch, handsome and mustachioed men and their moose knuckles looking into the camera and letting you know that everything will be better in the sack if we smoke some Camel straights? I think they banned these a couple of decades ago, but I don’t read many magazines any longer so I haven’t really noticed. In either case, fire it up if that’s what you like and meet me at the Drive – In for a little bit of this:

(this is also known as SUNBURST, if you really care)

“gosh, Marshall, you’ve been acting bananas all week!”

I was really enjoying this for about forty minutes. This was pure and simple 70s fun… chicks with pig tails, discussions about the Age of Aquarius, pop top warm beer drinking, skinny dipping, a hilariously awful soundtrack, poor over acting and general goodness until, at about 40 minutes when the two hillbillies, Danker and Levon show up straight out of Hee Haw yucking it up and grabbing themselves and talking as stupidly as possible. I mean to the effect of something like: “YEEE HAWWW LEVON!! LOOK AT THEM BOOBIES!!! I MIGHT HAVE TO TURN YOU AROUND AND BEND YOU OVER AND STICK YOU LIKE MY COUSIN!!! WOOOOHAAAAA!” Ugh.

Hi, I’m a hillbilly, I must defile you.

Luckily, they leave soon and our two main characters Jenny (a good looking Kathrine Baumann) and Robert (macho Peter Hooten) make sweet, sweet love and retire for the night. But innocence is lost soon as the idiotic mountain people return to force themselves in to poor Jenny which is allegedly what happens but I thought the first guy wasn’t able to “perform” and the second guy never seemed to get his trousers ready so I was thinking nothing happened but the next morning the two are very shaken up. BTW, they beat the shit out of Hooten so he wasn’t able to fend them off, if you were curious.

“I have a good idea! Let’s go visit our buddy in the mountains!” “Right on!!!”

I forgot to mention – why are they in the mountains putting their lives at risk? Well, it seems their old college buddy (Robert Englund) had dropped out (because he smoked too much El Pot-o) and moved into a hut on a cliff to be closer to nature, so they are paying him a social call. Where were we? Right – the next morning is all kinds of awkward with Jenny traumatized and Robert feeling terrible that he couldn’t do anything about it.  But Englund shows up and gives some soothing 70s relief talk and she “lets the eagle fly away” or something like that while Robert goes out for revenge in the worst knife fight in the history of cinema. Once he’s chased the two cooters off they all have a nice laugh and go do some more skinny dipping.

My advice here would be to skip this unless you’re just one of those people like me who set out to completely view everything in this box and you can’t give up your dreams. HA!

7 comments

  1. I used to LOVE Hee Haw. Ah, the things having only 3 channels of television growing up will do to you…I’d watch this for Robert Englund but um yeah…the rest of it sounds really bad…

    Like

    • theipc

      You remember having only three channels?? Do you remember having to get up to change them using a knob?? 🙂 Hee Haw – ah the memories…. I think you’re safe to continue living without checking this out. Unless you REALLY want to see Englund as a young, suspender wearing man.

      Like

  2. I actually still love Hee Haw; I have a ton of episodes on the DVR. But I don’t love rape-revenge movies, or movies about scary hicks, so thanks for helping me cross this one off my list. I have had that same box set you have I think, for about a year and still haven’t watched them all.

    Like

    • theipc

      I know – this box might be a little hard to get through. I actually have a couple of ’em. “Drive – In Classics” and “Chilling Classics” but they’re getting dumped into the same “project”. How funny on Hee Haw. I should watch one of those some time again.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: