Isaacs Picture Conclusions


I used to LOVE Seals and Crofts back when I was a kid. I remember sitting around in my room at whatever apartment my mom and I were living in at the time and putting one of their albums on the old record player and listening to the whole thing over and over. This and some Alan Parsons Project. And Queen! WHAT! Aw shit! Every time I hear a “SaC” song it fills me with sweet nostalgia of different times; times when there weren’t computers and mobile phones and I didn’t have to work for a living and my grandparents were still alive and I didn’t have to care about shit like money and gas and paying the fucking electric bill. I think that’s one of the reasons I like doing these Drive – In (and Giallo) things so much, it takes me back to a much simpler time. I know every generation has their “much simpler time” and for me, that’s the 70s. So, let’s put on our red and white roller skates and skate over to the Drive – In for:

How could there be a better name for a Drive – In movie than DRIVE – IN MASSACRE??? Someone’s going around killing horny moviegoers (note) –> WITH A SWORD!! He or she (it never implicates the actual killer) cuts off a head!! Slices a throat!! Stabs a necking couple all the way through!! Someone cuts off someone else’s head!! There’s a character in here named Germy!! There’s two cops on a stakeout, one is in drag, and one says something like “Kiss me, you bastard” to his partner. The Drive – In perv says this: “LISTEN!!! I DIDN’T KILL ANYONE!! I JUST WANTED TO BEAT MY MEAT!!!!!” There’s a boob! The bald dude is a “perfect asshole”!! There’s a shootout in a warehouse!! That girl’s the guy’s daughter!! “You didn’t have to kill my daddy!!” she cries!!

I know all of this sounds pretty fucking awesome but the technical aspects of this are pretty shitty. The sound is horrible and the film is in pitiful condition, the acting is misery and they probably shot everything in two hours. But still, it wasn’t too bad, especially for this “project”. So what’s up with this? Someone is going to the same Drive – In and killing people with a sword. Is it Germy the carnival geek? Is it the manager who used to be a knife thrower? Is it some random maniac who hates horny people? Is it the perv in the hat who allegedly skulks around the Drive – In parking lot rubbing it out? They actually never tell us as this thing just kind of ends abruptly and it’s not one of those “INCEPTION” style endings that leave us thinking about what in the fuck just happened. This just kind of stops like they all got tired of making it, or their buzz ran out.

I’ve definitely seen worse and less fun things in my life but this is probably not for everyone. Or maybe anyone, for that matter. Oh well, only 91 more to go in these boxes!! Wish me luck!!


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