Isaacs Picture Conclusions

CROWSNEST (2012) THREE TOP HATS

Well poo. I have had a lot of fun lately putting images into these posts but I can’t seem to find anything about this movie out on the webs so I guess I’ll put in some pics of the people that were in this. How does that sound? You LOVE IT?? GREAT! Let’s go!

I am in this and I do a LOT of dialogue in the form of screaming and then screaming some more! But I am totally good looking and thus, I can get away with it.

Just when you either thought or hoped that the first person POV, handheld shaky cam, found footage schtick was petering out it seems like we’ve had a bunch of them dropped on us in the recent months. I haven’t watched many of them but I did catch V/H/S and I loved it (well, most of it). I thought the boys behind V/H/S did the “I have to record every goddammed thing ever” in a new, clever way with the eyeglasses and the nannycam and the Skype conversation, but this one kind of reverts back to the handheld-why-in-the-fuck-would-you-still-be-filming-this-shit-in-this-situation type of thing. In fact, some of the shaky cam made me nauseous and I had to turn away for a good minute.

I am also in this and I do a LOT of scream acting. My demise in this was so gruesome that the anus writing about this though he was watching a snuff film.

If you think I’m not getting to the point, here’s this: this thing runs just under an hour and a half and the first 40 minutes are totally irritating, to me.  These five characters spend a TON of time screaming “shut off the fucking camera!!!!” If you have been reading my work ever, you know I don’t care about or am afraid to use the word “fuck”, but it’s totally overused here. “TURN OFF THE FUCKING CAMERA!!!!” “MY FUCKING CELL PHONE HAS NO COVERAGE!!!” “YOU DIDN’T BRING ANY FUCKING BEER??!!!” “I NEED TO CALL MY FUCKING MOM!!!” “I’M JUST WANT TO TAKE A FUCKING PISS!!!THAT GUY’S TRYING TO FUCKING KILL US!!!!” etc and Ad Infinitum.

I am also in this and I don’t do that much screaming – I do all of the driving and play the straight guy. I don’t mean “not gay” – you know, the level headed one.

The next forty or so minutes are actually pretty good, once we get into the “horror” part and out of the uncensored “Real Youth of Stupid City” bit. The rest of the movie is really, really gory – realistically gory and make the movie go from bad to, eh, not too bad. You know, you have to look at the whole thing, IMO. I didn’t like the first half but really liked the second. I hated all of the dialogue but liked the effects. Whatever those two things they dump on the side of the road are, those are look away disgusting but I liked the song over the end credits.  You know what I mean?

I am also totally hot and do a bunch of screaming like a sailor, but I also have the movie’s saddest part so go fist yourself Isaacs.

So there you go… five folks go up the mountain and get chased around by cannibals who want some supper. Been there, done that. Did I love it? No, but it’s better than going to a funeral. Did I hate it? No – I hate this movie. And this one. If you ever watch this, let me know what you think, eh?

Apparently, I’m also in Twilight…

12 comments

  1. GaryLee828

    I came across this one on netflix instant; i may have to give it a watch soon and see what I think.

    Do you have netflix instant? If you do, have any other recommendations for me?

    Like

  2. GaryLee828

    I just watched it; it was pretty good, as in it holds your interest – but seriously, this had to be the stupidest bunch I’ve seen in quite some time. Everything they did I would have done the opposite. And I know you may think “If they were all smart there wouldn’t be a horror movie” but I disagree b/c I think you can avoid doing stupid things and still get stuck in a bad situation.

    I especially liked the first time they survived the RV’s attack, and after driving for a whole two minutes decided to stop the car. lol. I also liked the way Justin went in the RV and didn’t even search for any weapons or a way to defend himself and even make an attempt at fighting the guys. The hillbillies didn’t even have guns or bows, etc. and so they would have been much easier to combat than most horror villains. And there were only two of them, and they were slow. These guys are like 20 years old, full of energy, but neither could even try to fight back? lol.

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  3. I couldn’t agree with you more on this film. CROWSNEST was horrible from the 1st frame to the last. Screaming idiotic actors, a story that is more predictable than Monday coming after Sunday, and a story so lame that half priced beer was a major plot point. I hated every second of this film!!

    Like

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