I don’t really know much about Mark Walker other than he’s a Scottish bad-ass who holds the world record for most triple twenties (67) in a row (that’s a Darts term). I also know that he’s a wicked writer and I love his work over at his blog MARKED MOVIES. If you’ve never been there, you certainly should and don’t forget to check out his “SIT DOWN SERIES” – they’re fucking insanely brilliant!! Recently Mark sat down with his quill and inkwell in hand to answer these burning questions!!
THANK YOU MARK FOR DOING THIS!!!!
If anyone else is interested in doing this you can like this page or like THIS PAGE or leave me a comment or send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org – I actually have a few of these in my pocket and everyone involved has claimed to have had a good time – so let me know : )
I gag uncontrollably when I brush my teeth, do you?
• I thought you were about to say that you gag uncontrollably on something else there 😉 Anyway, I digress. I don’t, unless I’m brushing my tongue or have a serious hangover going on.
If your best friend or loved one turned into a shit eating vampire, would you stake them in the heart?
• Depends what you mean by “shit eating”. If you mean that all they’re doing is consuming my fecal matter, then that ain’t no big deal. Probably save me the hassle of wiping my own arse.
The Shining scared me so bad when I saw it as a kid that I can’t watch it again. Thoughts?
• Completely understandable. The Shining is a film that freaks adults out, never mind kids. I have a similar feeling toward the original “A Nightmare on Elm St”. I seen it far too young and still carry the scars.
You’re at a bar drinking Brandy with Jesus Christ (whatever your religious affiliation is or is not). What do you ask him?
• “Do you stir your Brandy with a nail?” – to paraphrase my favourite musician Tom Waits.
John Leguizamo. Yes or no?
• Yes! I’m a big fan of the film “Carlito’s Way” and Leguizamo was superb in it – Benny Blanco from the Bronx. For that role alone, he gets my vote.
Worst movie you’ve ever seen? Note: Anything by Uwe Boll is off the table.
• God man. That’s actually a really hard question. There are so many to choose from but Clooney’s “Batman & Robin” is pretty piss poor and the Al Pacino film “88 Minutes”.
I have a blog friend who claims she doesn’t eat olives, what do you think about that?
• I think she should seek help immediately. Olives should be part of any nutritious diet.
Could you saw your own arm off with a pocket knife if you had to?
• I’d rub the whole fuckin’ thing off with sandpaper if I had to. Any means necessary man. You know?
If you could adopt an unorthodox pet (no cats or dogs, etc) what would you pick and what would you name him or her? I would pick a Giraffe and name him or her Sgt. Peppers.
• I’d adopt a Meercat and call him DeNiro.
You have to have a clock on your desk (no phones or computers). Do you go digital or analog?
What are your thoughts on the new trend of hat wearing?
• Hats are cool man and I’m glad theyre coming back in. Personally I don’t wear them though. They affect the scalp to the point of baldness. Can’t be dealing with that baldness shit man. That’s a little bit of death.
I am not a big fan of big, puffy vests because I don’t understand why you would only want your chest warm in the winter. Please provide your thoughts.
• I’d take a big puffy vest as long as there was a Delorean involved.
You walk into someone’s office at work and it’s clear they have just farted, what do you do?
• Breathe it in quick. Good farts should never be wasted. (editor’s note: slow nod in agreement)
Have you ever eaten a Turducken? If so, what did you think?
• I have eaten a Turducken, usually around Xmas time and they are rather delicious as it goes.
Texting or calling? What is your preferred method of communicating with another human?
• I’m more of a written word kinda guy. I’ve never been able to communicate properly by telephone. I swear too much and use the word ‘man’ far too often. That’s happens by text as well but not as much.
and then –
Mark, there’s an internet rumor going around the world these days that you are the only person to have ever beaten Chuck Norris in Submission Wrestling. Can you confirm or deny this for our readers?
• As it goes, in my old workplace. I inherited the name ‘Texas’, after Norris playing a character with my namesake “Walker: Texas Ranger”. I’m that hard, Norris uses my name!! As for the submission, I can confirm that I once had Norris’ underpants pulled from the crack of his arse right over his head. What was left on his beard afterwards, I won’t disclose. Let’s just say, it was embarrassing for the poor man.
On one of your posts I was reading the other week, I noticed you mentioned that you post all or most of your very well written articles from your PHONE. Really?
• Affirmative! I’ve tinkered a little with my index on a normal computer but every review I’ve posted has been done through my iPhone. I actually find it a lot quicker and easier. As we speak, I’m answering these questions with my phone.
We recently talked about the movie Sunshine. About two thirds into the movie the docking station of the Icarus 1 is destroyed so the gang has to go ship to ship in -267 degree space, wrapped up in insulation (well two of them do). What are your thoughts on this?
• For the life of me, I can’t remember this bit. I loved the film but it’s been quite a while since I seen it. I’ll never forget the foreboding atmosphere that Danny Boyle creates though. It’s deeply unsettling.
The caption for your blog title reads “I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe”. Can you offer one of those things up?
• For those not in the know, it’s actually a quote from one of my favourite films “Blade Runner”. If I was to offer one thing up that I’ll never forget, it would be seeing a fish climbing up a tree when I was in Thailand many years ago.
Lastly, the office is buzzing that we are conducting this interview and everyone wants to know the answer to this burning question: do you or do you not have moves like Jagger?
• Yes I do – Hands on hips, pursed lips… the lot.