Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE NAMELESS (1999) THREE TOP HATS

Before Jaume Balagueró brought us the pretty awesome DARKNESS and the very awesome (REC) & (REC)2, there is this. I had never heard of this until Netflix offered it up for me one day and then I put it in and about ten minutes into this was one of the most disgusting props I have ever seen. I’m talking super ICK. Let’s go back in time for a minute. You know I moan all the time about the time I spent as a slave in that restaurant – but there are some good memories every now and then. While this one’s not necessarily a “good” memory about what we saw, it’s funny to look back on and laugh now.

One night, at the last branch I managed before I quit that mother fucker, we got a report that there was a problem in the men’s bathroom out front. So my friend (and Co-Manager) and I went out to see what was going on and it really looked like someone had hung from the ceiling and swirled around shitting all over the place. It was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen and I started propulsion vomiting everywhere, adding  to the mess and I almost passed out. Eventually he dragged me out of there and – I know – we made some poor illegal alien dishwasher go clean it up. Poor fucker. Anyway, when I saw that prop of the dead girl they pulled out of the water hole at the beginning of this movie, I kind of felt like I did when I went into that bathroom. GROSS.

Back to THE NAMELESS. Claudia (Emma Vilarasau)’s daughter has been missing and the cops find a body in some sort of water tank and they fish it out and it turns out to be her missing kid. Five years later, her and her husband have split up and she starts getting phone calls (no texts in 1999!!) from her dead daughter and she’s like, you know, all WTF Y’ALL!!! She and the cop who identified the body go on the hunt and come across this religious sect that wants to be pure evil and they call themselves The Nameless and they do more ICK things to be as perverse and evil as possible and don’t use names to transcend themselves from this plane to the next.

I don’t even want to write in here what they do since I get enough pervy google searches as it is, but—- none of it’s pretty. When Mary asked me how I liked it I told her “Dude you don’t want to watch this” and I sealed it up to send back. If you take out all of the stomach turning imagery, this is actually a pretty well made movie with good acting and effective creeps. Another thing that bothered me is that this is in Spanish (that didn’t bother me) and two of the central characters look and sound almost exactly alike so I was confused here and there by what these people were doing. I’ve certainly seen much worse in my life but there’s probably better things to do with your time.

See ya!

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