Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE WOODS (2006) FOUR TOP HATS

The Woods…. I’m a big fan of this movie. I’m all about it in fact. Bruce Campbell – whaaaaaaaaaaat? Agnes Bruckner! Rachel Nichols! Lucky McKee! Witches! Come on! I don’t think this was very well received but I normally don’t go look shit up or research anything but that’s what strikes me with this – that not many people liked it. Well I did – I liked all sorts of things about it. I liked the wicked awesome slo-mo scenes, the musical montage (yes!!). the special effects, the acting, the setting (boarding school, y’all) and, well, the whole bundle. This might be a little slow for some people but I liked it just fine.

It’s 1965 and a young Agnes Bruckner plays a troubled youth who likes to set shit on fire. Her mom is a bitch and her dad (Bruce Campbell) is a do nothing pushover. When she sets fire to some woods somewhere she gets shipped off to the Falburn Academy boarding school to do some learning and get her act together. There, she meets a bunch of other good looking jail-baits chicks in uniforms students and runs afoul of a young Rachel Nichols:

Nichols goes around calling Bruckner “Fire Crotch” alot and they get into some fistfights but eventually Bruckner makes a good friend in mousy Lauren Birkell. Together, they fight off the souls of the damned and sacrifice themselves to Satan in the purest form of honest love ever seen on screen. None of that last sentence happens at all but they do become friends and weird things start happening at the school and kids start going missing the teachers may or may not be witches and then, this gets really squishy bloody towards the end.

Campbell doesn’t have a lot of screen time if that’s your main draw here but Patricia Clarkson really rocks it as the stony head mistress and Rachel Nichols is always good to look at too young to have impure thoughts about hey she was born in 1980 so she would be 26 in this getting started on her movie career. As he always does, McKee fits in a bunch of music in here and unlike THE WOMAN (which I didn’t really like except for the end) the songs in here worked well for me (but I like that kind of music). Overall, I think if you haven’t see THE WOODS then you probably won’t go wrong scaring this up.  Again – it might be a little slow for some people but… hey.

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