In 1990 I graduated from high school, moved out from my mom’s house, grew my stringy hair out real long, moved in with my two buddies and bought one of these coats. I really did. I was so awesome. That jacket was so stiff we ran over it with my old Hyundai dozens of times. That’s right. I rocked a red Hyundai with my long stringy hair and a black leather jacket. I can’t believe I didn’t get The Sex constantly… Apparently while we three studs were rocking to the Bullet Boys and Social Distortion and GnR and playing Tecmo Bowl, some other idiots made METAMORPHOSIS – a movie so hideous it took me about four separate times to get through it. But I did – and I am back to report on it to you, my wonderful friends. So, let’s pop on our jackets and our Doc Martins, hop in the Hyundai and head to the Drive – In for:
I am not lying when I tell you that this movie was god fucking awful. In fact – I don’t really have a bunch of words to say about this… let’s do some pics:
This is about how clear the entire fucking NINETY minutes were. Not only was the acting pure shit and the plot stupid, but it was NINETY minutes of this…
So this guy is a stud professor at the local university and he’s all about DNA research. He wants to make people live forever. He is also a terrible actor and has shit for line delivery.
There was a brief bright spot early on in this movie when this chick was trying to distract him from his lecture, but that only lasted a couple of seconds and he was not all about that. He is all about his research, see. All business. Screw getting laid by a hot coed. Let’s go back to the lab and do some more research!!
Back at the lab he finds out all of his funding has been cut off by this bitch!! SCREW HER!!! So he does go screw her and she takes off her shirt (if you’re interested) and then he heads back to the lab and injects himself with his experimental DNA juice and starts to DE-VOLVE back into what man used to be! You mean like a baby or an amoeba or an embryo?
NO – he turns into a goddamn fucking dinosaur. And it’s the worst goddamn fucking dinosaur outfit ever made in the history of dinosaur costumes. I mean – Sid and Marty Corft were putting better shit out back in the 70s than we had on display here. Fuck that!! To top things off – after the police riddle this thing with shotgun shells he then turns into a tiny lizard. What in the fuck? Screw this thing!