CinEnemA: MI6 agent, under cover, operating in Romania or internationally feared Harbinger of the Apocalypse? I really just spent two weeks squatting in a seedy hotel room at night and tailing Catalin during the day. I wasn’t able to find conclusive evidence to definitively answer either question but I did observe repeated viewings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, various Blaxploitation flicks and the occasional Giallo. I never really felt very good in Eastern Europe (maybe it was those inoculations I passed on) but I am back home now and at least feel more safe. Although… I have observed someone standing under the streetlight out front staring at my house in the middle of the night…..
If you’ve never been there, be sure to check out this wicked blog at CINENEMA!!
Recently Catalin sent me an encrypted email with the answers to these sizzling questions
THANK YOU CATALIN FOR DOING THIS!!!
This has really been a lot of fun for me – and I hope for all of you too! You are all so awesome!!! As always, I never want to be a bother to anyone, so if anyone else is interested in doing this you can like this page or like THIS PAGE or leave me a comment or send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org – If you have “expressed” interest and I haven’t gotten back to you, I would never ignore you, it’s just that I want to do these one at a time and do them right – I will be getting back to you, promise : )
I gag uncontrollably when I brush my teeth, do you?
Luckily my gag reflex is almost non-existent. And I mean luckily because it’s helpful whenever I eat a banana, you pervert!
If your best friend or loved one turned into a shit eating vampire, would you stake them in the heart?
I don’t think staking them through the heart would work. Maybe get a cross made of toilet paper? Or spray them with Febreeze?
The Shining scared me so bad when I saw it as a kid that I can’t watch it again. Thoughts?
It did not scare me, really. However what still scares me to this day is Carpenter’s “Halloween”. It creeps me out everytime.
You’re at a bar drinking Brandy with Jesus Christ (whatever your religious affiliation is or is not). What do you ask him?
I would ask him if he approves of “Jesus Christ Superstar” and of “Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter”. Oh, and “White Pop Jesus”. If he doesn’t know about them, I’d get him to round up all the Christians and we could watch them back to back. Which is something I advise you to do. Here’s a taste of “White Pop Jesus” – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9H9Iiwljk58 . Italo-disco at it’s best.
John Leguizamo. Yes or no?
Very much yes. I cannot unsee him as a midget in “Moulin Rouge”.
Worst movie you’ve ever seen? Note: Anything by Uwe Boll is off the table.
I actually like Uwe Boll so I don’t get the point of the “Note”. Worst movie I’ve ever seen is probably the god-awful “Love Story” which is the only movie that made me puke. That and the musical made by the Village People, “Can’t Stop the Music”.
I have a blog friend who claims she doesn’t eat olives, what do you think about that?
I love olives. But only the green ones as the black ones remind me of goat poop.
Could you saw your own arm off with a pocket knife if you had to?
Not in a million years. I’d rather die than not be able to scratch my balls with whichever hand I please. (ED: LOL! That would be hell on Earth…)
If you could adopt an unorthodox pet (no cats or dogs, etc) what would you pick and what would you name him or her? I would pick a Giraffe and name him or her Sgt. Peppers.
I would love to have a sloth. I would call it Virginity. If it ever went missing, I could say that I lost my virginity again!
You have to have a clock on your desk (no phones or computers). Do you go digital or analog?
Digital. From the 80s preferably. In the shape of Garfield or Bub, the zombie from “Day of the Dead”.
What are your thoughts on the new trend of hat wearing?
My head is too big to wear hats (more like a pumpkin) and I haven’t seen yet pumpkins with hats so I have no opinion on this.
I am not a big fan of big, puffy vests because I don’t understand why you would only want your chest warm in the winter. Please provide your thoughts.
I hate puffy vests too but they are useful in winter because if your nipples get too erect you run the risk of ripping open your t-shirt. (ED: You know, I had never thought of that problem….)
You walk into someone’s office at work and it’s clear they have just farted, what do you do?
Light a match. Then run for my life.
Have you ever eaten a Turducken? If so, what did you think?
I have no idea what that is but it has “Turd” in it so I might try it. Wait, I googled it. Jesus, it looks like the aborted fetus of Jackie Stallone. I’ll pass.
Texting or calling? What is your preferred method of communicating with another human?
Interpretative dance. And burping. Also disco-induced seizures. (ED: Interpretative dance – excellent)
You have reported to me that you live in Romania (!!). Sadly, I don’t know jack shit about your country O_O . If one of our readers was going to go there, what would you tell them to AVOID at all costs???
Me. And the lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Joking. Just me. (ED: Duly noted)
I love the headers on your site! My favorite is the one of the girl in the white and blue mask! In detail, please provide which is your personal favorite and why? (also – what’s the picture I like from??)
The picture is from Brian DePalma’s new film: “Passion”. It’s supposed to be pretty bad but, heck, I love me some DePalma. My favorite I think is the one with Blanca Marssilach in “Devil’s Honey”. You know, the one with the saxophone cunnilingus…
I just got a hit from a Googler who used the search term “toothbrush ass”. What are your thoughts on this?
Is this related to the gagging and shit-eating vampire question? I think it might be. If not, maybe some people’s sphincters are really sensitive and they need to be brushed with a tiny apparatus? Or maybe they have teeth in their asses?
When I was doing my research for this interview, I learned that you are a huge fan of semaphore (and no I don’t mean the computer kind). How often do you practice and where do you do most of your semaphoring?
Well, I do have a fetish about systems of long-distance communication based on towers with moving arms. I find them highly erotic. I usually like to do my semaphoring nude, in the mall near my flat. It’s highly successful with soccer moms and creepy old men. (ED: as all Proper Semaphore should be conducted…)
You recently made a public comment that the use of these two words are likely the best use of two words in the English language: dead boob. CNN got a hold of that and there has been worldwide public outcry, riots and extremist media pundits are even referring to you as “the harbinger of the apocalypse”. How do you address this?
I can safely say that it’s true. The Apocalypse will be more apocalyptic than initially predicted because “Dead Boob” is an acronym for Dead Bobo, my evil clown name. I will rule the Earth alongside my adorable and sexy wife called Vulva Vuvuzela. (ED: I fucking knew it!!!!)
THANKS AGAIN CATALIN!!! GOOD STUFF RIGHT HERE!!!