Isaacs Picture Conclusions

THE HIKE (2012) THREE TOP HATS

You know, The Good and Beloved and Most Appreciated Readers – this movie started off really good – I mean – pretty fucking excellent… but after the opening credits rolled it got a little boring… and then it just descended into violence against women and some almost raping and a little potential necrophilia and that’s just not my bag. I don’t know sometimes… this had a lot going for it and then it devolved into the darkness and never really recovered, IMO.

This movie starts off with a wicked ass chase scene through some woods – people are really running like they’re being chased and the cameras are swirling and you don’t know what’s going on it’s all kinds of awesome and then BLAM the title cards and the credits. Next up four hot chicks are sitting around a convertible waiting for their other hot chick friend to show up and eventually she does, complete with A-Hole boyfriend in tow who’s yelling and screaming at her. We get some wicked I’m-tough-mother-fucker-goodness when the lady on the right, above, punches him in the gut and knocks his ass down and I figure I’m in for some balls out, THE DESCENT style, tough woman action. Shit it’s even got Shauna MacDonald (from THE DESCENT) on the credits!

I don’t know what it’s like over in the forests of England but things got a little iffy for me when they park their luxury car on the side of some path and just left it, top down and all, and headed out for their hike.  I thought it was cool as they were hiking, we’d catch dead or almost dead bodies here or there, in the foreground or off to the side – nice touch! Eventually they moan their way to the top of some mountain and WHAT! a trio of Right and Proper English Fellows repel off a cliff and almost land on them. Flirty flirty – there goes the girls only weekend. I guess there won’t be any skinny dipping and pillow fights. : (

As indicated in that last picture there, things don’t go so well up on that hill. I really wanted some more women-fight-back action but that’s not what happens. These ladies just kind of lay around all tied up and cry. Another thing that kind of (always) bothers me is that most of this takes place in the middle of the night in a dark forest so everything’s pitch black and I can’t tell what’s going on. Oh well – everything LOOKED very good and the camera work was awesome and I really liked the actress who played “Charlie” (Jemma Bolt) but I was left a little disappointed. Kind of like when you go out of your way to go to the deli you don’t particularly like because they have this hot pepper relish you love and then you get there and wait behind a family of twelve who all order stupid special order shit and you stand in line for 45 minutes and then you place your order and they THEY DON’T HAVE THE GODDAMNED RELISH!!!! You know, like that.

As far as the loooooooooooooovely Shauna MacDonald goes, she’s only in this for about the last ten minutes that look like they might have been way over edited by someone. She looks real good in her slip but she kind of just stands there  holding a fireplace poker the majority of the time. Speaking of editing – looking at the official site for this, it’s plastered with film festival awards. I wonder if this got the fuck edited out of it before it got released here in the states? HMMMM…. oh well. Onward we press.

8 comments

    • theipc

      Absolutely! I mean, that’s what I always wear on my hiking expeditions (and when I am on safari). The ladies love my exposed, hairy gut.

      Like

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