I watched this about seven or eight years ago I guess and I don’t remember really liking it too much. But that was seven or eight years and 2000 movies ago, so I thought I’d give it another shot. When I clicked add on NetFlix, I think I was thinking this was MIDNIGHT MEAT TRAIN with Franka Potente but that is actually a different movie and stars Bradley Cooper before he was “Mr. Abs Universe”. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen MEAT TRAIN but I think this is basically the same. Well – in TRAIN, Vinnie Jones goes around chopping people up and (I think) eating them. In this one, some crazy dude who makes rat noises goes around chopping people up and feeding them to his rats. I think. He chops one person up and feeds them to his rats. He also performs some sort of imaginary, deranged surgery on one woman’s – uh – er – hrrrmmm – womb. A couple of other people he just kinds of leaves lying dead around the joint and another two – well… I don’t know….
this coooooooooooooould be how she reacted to the finished product’s screening….
This was directed by Christopher Smith, the guy that did the wicked ass awesome TRIANGLE and then the mediocre ass BLACK DEATH. They say the best way to excel at anything is to constantly practice and that’s how we evolve, so hopefully my writing is better than it was when I first started doing this (even if my typing isn’t!!!!) – and it seems Smith is getting better with each attempt out (although I think BLACK DEATH just tried too hard and had a shitty, drawn out ending). But the thing with this, the thing is that I never really got in to anything in this, is the thing. A bitchy lady (Potente) gets trapped in the subways of London after they’ve closed (sorry if it’s not LONDON, Tyson – goddammit!!)? Are they really ABANDONED after hours? There’s just absolutely NO WAY OUT? That sounds preposterous… like P2.
OK – so she falls asleep in the terminal and wakes up and everyone’s gone. But there’s one last, empty train – got it. As she gets, on a mysterious figure sneaks on at the other end! The lights go out! AW SHIT! Hey, woah, it’s just the guy from the party she came from who just wants to do some raping. “See my cock?” He asks. “It’s like a penis, only smaller.” She replies. Attack, attack! I guess he sat there the entire time she was asleep waiting for just this moment. Oh well. For the next hour I wondered, even though I know the story is to whittle down characters through attrition, but why is the monster-sewer-creature-man-thing not killing or even chasing her? Then I kind of figured it out.
He either wants to make a baby with her or relive his own non-fatal abortion. Because I think that’s what he’s doing with that poor, unfortunate person two pics up. I think. There’s a ton of bottled up formaldehyde fetuses all over that set. I don’t know if they are his brothers and sisters but they’re there. I also don’t know how he’s so strong and can lift a man out of a train by just his head if he lives under the city in the sewers eating heroin riddled homeless people all day. Further, I don’t know why he killed all of the other males instantly but left the black dude who can’t swim caged up in the water for so long.
Oh well – you can’t win them all. If you are itching to watch a movie about people down in a wet, dark tunnel, my recommendation would be to go watch THE TUNNEL and skip this shit.
Isaacs Picture Conclusions 
Seen this myself a while back and I totally agree. Steamin’ pile of shit man. I didn’t care much for it at all. For the life of me, I can’t remember Bradley Cooper in it though.
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Yep – this pretty much sucked it…. Cooper and Brooke Shields were in the one I thought I was getting – Midnight Meat Train – that I don’t remember being very good either… Thanks for stopping by, Mucker : )
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Aah. I’ve read that wrong there. I was wracking my brains to remember Cooper and just couldn’t picture him. Lucky Cooper eh? 😉
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HA!!
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That definitely looks like the Midnight Meat Train poster.
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LOL – I know!!!
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Am I the only one that really liked it??????
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Perhaps, Cinenema. Perhaps…..
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Why so Shakespearian, all of a sudden? 🙂
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LOL – maybe because I didn’t get any sleep at all last night…. : (
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Join the club 🙂
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Maybe my Internet is broken did I miss a Monday Oct 22nd post?
…Or will there be multiple posts coming later in the week to offset the recent downturn in productivity?
Signed,
good and set-in-his/her ways (demanding) reader
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Hi Lem!
I was wondering i anyone missed me yesterday…!
Yesterday was the Isaacs Union Honorarium so I spent the day doting on The Most Beloved, doing everything I could to give her 100% of my attention : ) – Maybe I can sneak in a double 70s post tomorrow to make up for this missing slice of reading materials. (I know I have two doozies at my disposal)…
Yours,
ei
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Well, happy anniversary!
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Thank you very much!!!!
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Hmmm…I think I shall avoid this and go watch this again: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0494224/
Also happy anniversary! 🙂
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You should totally avoid Creep and – yesssssssssss – this looks much better!!
And thank you, Misty!!!
I am heading over to CS in a minute to check out NOES 4 : )
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Upping your views again! 😉 Be back for more a bit later. I went to this, btw, and hated it. Horrible.
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YAAAAAYYYYYY!!!! One of the best parts of the weekend!!!!
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Yeah I am not so sure about this… it looks awful! Great review though!
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This movie sucked it LOL! I took this one for the team 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Among the many you have taken for the team!
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I’m here for YOU!!!
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And it will never go unappreciated!
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🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
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