Let’s just go ahead and get this out of the way – this post is Rated R for Nudity and Imagery. Clear on out now if you’re not accompanied by parent.

I have been struggling to figure out how I could write up something about this. This movie is insane in all sort of ways. From The Sex to the things they do to the constant nudity (male and female) to the strange events that happen out of the blue to the other bizarre things where I didn’t get what was happening to the instrument of these poor people’s deaths to the horrible music that someone probably thought was really, really good and – well – all of it. If you’re looking for 70s sleaze – fire this one up! If you’re looking for a well balanced, structured movie telling an excellent tale with mind blowing acting that will go down in history as one of the finest pieces of Cinema ever crafted, this might not be for you. So, without further ado, let’s address a few things.

There’s a little bit of this:

post analingus coitus….

and some of this:

self stimulation with the most common instrument – a gold chain

and a little bit of this:

i just like to shag, man. now beat it already.

there’s also a dash of this:

coitus interruptus and…… MURDER!!!

and a shitload of long distance eye acting:

Hi! My name is Ursula and I can foresee your grisly death by giant dildo! Welcome to the hotellllllllllllllll!

There’s some of this:

hold still {SLAP} while I {SLAP SLAP} insert {SLAP SLAP SLAP} this into {SLAP SLAP} your {SLAP} Hoo Haw

and a BUNCH of this:

i am going to kill you for shagging you dirty, rotten, filthy, stinking whore

So, now that that’s over with, let me break out the appetizers for you and let’s get to talking. Here’s the hot, and occasionally sweet, pepper tray. Here’s the foie gras, the onion plate, the hot n spicy quail eggs, lox, cumin infused cheese tray, cucumbers in vinegar, jalapeno stuffed olives and, last but not least, mushrooms marinated in a tabasco/italian dressing mix. Enjoy!

Two sisters head to a swanky hotel on the bank of some sea following the death of their father. Ursula (above) immediately starts having – wait for it – VISIONS OF… MURDER!!!! “We have to leave!!” She pleads to her sister Dagmar. “Just take a tranquilizer,” She soothes and spikes her sister’s cocktail. Soon they both disrobe and walk around the room nude and then re-clothe and head to the lounge for the night’s act – a song and dance by someone going by Stella Shining. There we are introduced to the sleazy hotel manager (and his moustache) who likes to do some butt licking, his wife – who is having an affair with a woman, Shining’s boyfriend Fillipo – who is a heroin addict and wants to have an affair with Dagmar, and a couple of other pukes who don’t show back up until the end of the movie.

Elsewhere, someone is driving a car and picks up a hooker so she can shag some dude and he can watch. They do some shagging (he has a stamina that will make any man happy), she kicks him out of bed like a used condom and then she gets killed!!!! Aw snap. Slut. Murders and sex continue throughout – the killings committed by that person in the last pic above. We only see his eyes! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT??? OHMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYGAWD!!! Who is this mystery murderer??? Is it Filippo?? The hotel manager?? His stache?? Their dead dad??? CinEnemA??? Eric Northman? Well I won’t spoil if for you but it – well – nevermind.

This is not cinema at it’s finest but it is good clean decent um fun. Of course, you have to have a fondness for this type of thing because they really don’t make em like this anymore. In fact, I bet this is when they stopped making em like this and moved on to other things. So – there you have my report. I’m still going with The Fifth Cord or “Solange” as my favorite Giallo – but I am going to keep on searching and see if another one fits the bill. This is good fun – but only if you’re in the mood for this type of thing.

Ciao.