Isaacs Picture Conclusions

ISAACS INTERVIEWS JOHN THE AUSSIE

JOHN THE AUSSIE is an American outlaw who once dynamited a train full of women and kids. He eventually retired from that life of killin’ but a bunch of cowboys cut up a hooker and her coworkers offered him a reward if he would extract vengeance. He kind of had second thoughts but the sheriff of the town in question beat his only friend so bad that it killed him so John rode into town like the Grim Reaper and shot almost everyone to death before he went off into the darkness never to be seen or heard from again. He now runs a really fun blog over HERE where he collects accolades and awards from all over the globe. I really dig John’s work and I am happy and proud that he agreed to do this. Recently, I was walking to my truck to go home for the day and a couple of thugs jumped me, threw a sack over my head and flew me to Australia where John and I sat down to talk about these hotter-than-fire questions.

THANK YOU JOHN FOR DOING THIS!!!!

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This is really, still a lot of fun for me – and I hope for all of you too! You are all soooooo awesome!!! As always, I never want to be a bother to anyone, so if anyone else is interested in doing this you can like this page or like THIS PAGE or leave me a comment or send me an email to ei@theipc.me – If you have “expressed” interest and I haven’t gotten back to you, I would never ignore you, it’s just that I want to do these one at a time and do them right – I will be getting back to you, promise : )

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I gag uncontrollably when I brush my teeth, do you?

Not at all…  Have ya tried not fitting the whole brush in your mouth at one time?  

If your best friend or loved one turned into a shit eating vampire, would you stake them in the heart?

Got Wood?  Can I use a shotgun with wooden pellets? 

The Shining scared me so bad when I saw it as a kid that I can’t watch it again. Thoughts?

The only part that gave me shivers down the spine when I was a kidlet, was when the plants moved towards the kid and the track were evident.  Otherwise, it was a good film.  I’m  not sure what other parts are actually scary.  Then again, I was 7 when I was laughing at Chucky from Child’s Play instead of hiding behind the couch like the babysitter was (but I did hide my sister’s dolls in the cupboard for a few weeks) 

You’re at a bar drinking Brandy with Jesus Christ (whatever your religious affiliation is or is not). What do you ask him? 

So technically, you’re undead right? (ED: LOLOL) 

John Leguizamo. Yes or no?

I’m sorry… WHO?  I’m afraid to Google his name now.  Some things are best left unkown. 

Worst movie you’ve ever seen? Note: Anything by Uwe Boll is off the table.

Now, I’m only gonna say this once…  

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? 

I have a blog friend who claims she doesn’t eat olives, what do you think about that?

First grab a toothpick and jab the olive, then one of those mini cocktail onions, then a cube of cheese, then some cabanossi and repeat until olive jar is empty.  Hand me the batch. (ED: Nod affirmative….)

Could you saw your own arm off with a pocket knife if you had to?

Dunno, never tried.  But dare I say, sure…  why not?  I mean, I have to right?  Maybe with some pain killers…. or the whole bottle… and lots of passing out with loss of blood…. 

If you could adopt an unorthodox pet (no cats or dogs, etc) what would you pick and what would you name him or her? I would pick a Giraffe and name him or her Sgt. Peppers.

You didn’t see that centipede post?  I’d name him Bazza, because that’s just a great Aussie name for a foot and a half long centipede… (ED: Yeah I saw that damn thing for about two seconds!!)

You have to have a clock on your desk (no phones or computers). Do you go digital or analog?

What One of those 00:00 ones but that isn’t shiny and stuff… you know… the old number flipping desk / alarm clocks…  is that digital? (ED: Analog brother!)

 What are your thoughts on the new trend of hat wearing?

Now I’m pretty sure this is suppose to be Fedora Hat wearing.  I own 3, before they were cool.  Actually one is 18 years old, the other 8 years old and another that is 5 years old.   And none of that cheap crap either.  Can I say crap on here??  Anyway, mine are the good, built to last forever types.  My wife has claimed the white one though.  I think she wants to become the next female gangster.  She bought a 50’s style ladies suit the other day in an ivory color.  I’m waiting to read the credit card reports of “Tommy Gun Parts”

 I am not a big fan of big, puffy vests because I don’t understand why you would only want your chest warm in the winter. Please provide your thoughts.

My arms rarely go cold, and I’m constantly working with my arms so vest don’t bother me.   However BIG PUFFY vests tend to bloody annoying, get dirtier easier and fit perfectly in the bin.

 You walk into someone’s office at work and it’s clear they have just farted, what do you do?

Accept the challenge and fart back

 Have you ever eaten a Turducken? If so, what did you think?

I was very hesitant in Googling a word that starts with Turd…  Now I am hungry… and I want to try this.  But we don’t have thanksgiving in Australia…

 Texting or calling? What is your preferred method of communicating with another human?

Depends on the circumstance… Work is for texting, home is for calling.  But this is due to the poor signal strength being at the bottom of a mining pit all day.

 and then:

Perez Hilton has publicly hinted that he’s got a photo of you getting out of a limousine in New York City, wearing a mini skirt, showing your junk. First – WTF were you thinking and second – were you just going through a Britney Spears phase?

1. Who?

2. He isn’t the first.

3.  It wasn’t a limousine, it was a Hilux, dual cab with extended trayback.  But I can see how he made the mistake.

4. I was thinking “I can’t wear briefs under this sexy tartan skirt, Fuck it, i got nothing to wear under it so… well nothing goes under

5.  It wasn’t a mini skirt.

6. 2 hours later I was playing the bagpipes.

7.  He got 5 carloads of us exiting the vehicle, in a skirt, showing our junk…

8.  I think you should sit down and ask him a few questions about his closet…

I don’t know anything about or want to intrude into your family life. My dad usually gives me a card for Christmas and usually forgets to sign it. One time he gave me a box of pears. Have any of your close family members ever given you anything that… odd?

Nah, I made a pact years ago with my sisters to not buy each other presents, just kidlets, partners and parents…  I did get a box of condoms from my ex-girlfriends father once though (on valentines day) with a verbal “If she’s not happy when she gets home, you’re never seeing her again.”  3 days later I return her home with the empty box…  

 You claim to be a “miner”. Do you work in a salt mine? Coal mine? Quartz? I don’t think I could ever go in a mine – especially after My Bloody Valentine. What is it that you do and what’s the grossest / weirdest thing you’ve seen under the earth??

I was in underground in metalliferous mining for quite some time aiming for ore streams of gold, copper, iron ore & magnetite.  Eventually I moved to coal and now I work on the surface because it just doesn’t pay enough to be underground in a coal mine.  I still pan, hunt and scan for gems, nuggets and petrified stuff.

Beside some bastard (can I say bastard on here???) leaving a steamer underground, the grossest??? no that was it… but the weirdest thing I’ve seen was 3 naked blokes working in just gumboots, belt (with oxybok) and hard hat with a light, bolting the mesh of the drive at the bottom of the mine.  it was 90% humidity, 47º.   But they were singing Garth Brooks at the time. (ED: I will NEVER go  in a mine….)

 To follow up – has anyone ever gone crazy and butchered a bunch of people with a pick-ax where you work????? 

No…. Not yet…  But I’ve seen a lad quit because someone snuck up behind him one day and pointed out the fact that the stope he was standing behind was so deep and very easy to fall down with a quick nudge if he doesn’t stop being an asshole (can I say asshole?)

Lastly, the “deli” in the building where I work is kind of a shitty operation but sometimes I have to eat from there or risk starving to death. Today I got a chicken sandwich and it sucks. How do you fuck up a chicken sandwich???

Mate… You tell that sandwich you had sex with all his female relatives, and have photos to prove it, fake a DNA test to prove his dad isn’t the sandwich’s real dad.  Then grab an iron bar and whack the crust until it break.  Rip up the lettuce; smear the tomatoes, lick off the mayonnaise.  Finally put it in a plastic ziplock bag and leave it to suffocate in the boiling sun. 

Now that sandwich is fucked up mentally and physically. (ED: Stupid fucking sandwich!!!)

17 comments

  1. Reblogged this on John The Aussie and commented:
    IPC (Isaacs Picture Conclusions) a movie reviewer extroud… exstraw… ummm pro? who has me hooked on reading his horror reviews was kidnapped and brought to Australia especially to give me an interview. Although at gun point he agreed he was under no drewess… drooress… ummm pressure to do the interview at all, in fact he seemed overly enthusiastic about the results and demanded to go straight home to publish it…

    PS we need that heshen sack back…

    Like

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