Isaacs Picture Conclusions


Occasionally I get to see something that I like or don’t like that’s not horror and, sometimes, I’ll feel compelled to write about them at some length instead of giving them the silent treatment over at HALF ASS REVIEWS. I took a few days off last week and spent Thursday lying in bed with the dogs until noon. Man – that was great!! That morning I watched this and a movie called HARDWARE that I’ll try and get around to soon but, with this, I felt like talking about it because – well – it was actually pretty fun. In all honesty – during the first ten minutes or so I was thinking I had made a mistake but at least I could fall back asleep and not miss anything but this got pretty good once I got used to the characters and they introduced the lady below, Janet McTeer as Helen Bingham, the HitPerson.


This starts off over in Eastern Europe (Montenegro) where super hot Paz Vega (below) plays a high dollar escort who gets dropped off at a party at some giant mansion. Inside are a bunch of fully and partially naked skinny women and Shooter McGavin a plump Christopher McDonald. Unlike normal, Vega fails to disrobe and have explicit on-screen sex with anyone but she does witness a murder – a mass murder actually – and soon she’s on the run for her life!

Elsewhere, the kid from EUROTRIP is failing at running a cafe even though he’s super smart and a whiz in the culinary field. Lucky for him his high school buddy shows up on the beach with a pair of hot teenagers. He shoos off the chicks for some unknown reason and they go back to the diner for some appetizers. Also lucky for him, Vega shows up at his doorway, showcases her loose top and small mini skirt, uses his phone and then steals his car.

This doesn’t seem to bother him very much so he and his pal walk around the streets of wherever they are and decide to open a detective agency. Aside from a bunch of of nekkidness and thrustiness in the opening scene, this really wasn’t doing anything for me at this point and this is where I decided that it wouldn’t hurt my feelings any if I feel back asleep. Since we all know that my opinion is what keeps the movie industry running, fortunately for the movie’s production team, right when I was about to doze off they introduced Bingham and things started cooking from here until the end. I totally loved her as the stony and Right and Proper Englishwoman who has no problem cutting off your fingers (or your Peep) and cooly murdering your sorry ass.

Eventually – and this is no spoiler – but actually where it gets even more fun – McDonald and his pals try and blow Bingham to the next plane but she’s too smart to get killed off like that so she teams up with our boys and Vega and they hatch up a plan to end this damn thing once and for all. I never know what’s going on and nobody ever tells me anything, but I would surmise that this was probably inspired by R.E.D. (which I totally loved). Anyway, there you go and it is what it is – but I liked CAT RUN and thought I would share. It’s not a horror but it’s bloody as allgitout.


    • theipc

      LOL – I did say Hardware. You haven’t seen anything about it because I wrote this big, long post about it and how we used to sit around dropping acid and watching the video tape and then I thought – NAH – and scrapped the whole thing.

      Of course I liked it, you silly!


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