THREE SENTENCE CRITIC was once an award winning child psychiatrist who took a gunshot in the stomach from one of his former patients. After he recovered he took on a case involving a very feminine young boy who had the tendency to see dead people. Eventually that business all got worked out and now he runs an awesome blog over at THREE SENTENCE CRITIC and if you haven’t been there yet, you sure should! They’re not always three sentences but they are always good stuff. Recently, I met up with THREE SENTENCE CRITIC in his penthouse at a location I cant disclose where he answered these burning-your-pants-off questions AND taught himself how to play a zither.
This is really, still a lot of fun for me – and I hope for all of you too! You are all soooooo awesome!!! As always, I never want to be a bother to anyone, so if anyone else is interested in doing this you can like this page or like THIS PAGE or leave me a comment or send me an email to email@example.com – If you have “expressed” interest and I haven’t gotten back to you, I would never ignore you, it’s just that I want to do these one at a time and do them right – I will be getting back to you, promise : )
THANK YOU TSC FOR DOING THIS!!!!
I gag uncontrollably when I brush my teeth, do you?
It’s funny, I suppose, because I remember once I tried to brush my tonsils… well, the dangly bit… the Uvula? Anyway, I pushed my toothbrush back, gagged and was sick because of it. Since that fateful day as a kid, I’ve never tried to do that again! So in answer to your question, no, not unless I try to brush my tonsils haha.
If your best friend or loved one turned into a shit eating vampire, would you stake them in the heart?
Ooo, tricky. I figure that if I was mid way through a film or favourite tv programme, they would never see the light of day again… Not that they see the light of day anyway. But if I wasn’t, I think I would just chain them up – Shaun of the Dead style – so I could play games with them in the shed. Yes, I’d like that.
The Shining scared me so bad when I saw it as a kid that I can’t watch it again. Thoughts?
Pussy. But for real, I enjoyed it the first time around, though I did poo myself a little. But since then, I’ve seen it a few more times and I’ve loved it. (ED: Hey!)
You’re at a bar drinking Brandy with Jesus Christ (whatever your religious affiliation is or is not). What do you ask him?
I think I would ask him firstly why he hasn’t turned the free tap water into wine, before going on to ask what he thought of Mel Gibson’s film, The Passion of the Christ. If he thought it was a bit of a dud, I think I’d go about making a film called something along the lines of ‘Christ, it’s Jesus’, starring Jesus. (ED: Awesome : ) )
John Leguizamo. Yes or no?
I did have to google John, unfortunately. I’m not a massive fan of his work to be honest, but I suppose Sid is cool, sometimes.
Worst movie you’ve ever seen? Note: Anything by Uwe Boll is off the table.
I figure the worst film I’ve ever seen is Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus. I’m yet to see Sharktopus, so perhaps that will be the worst film I’ve ever seen in the future. So bad its good.
I have a blog friend who claims she doesn’t eat olives, what do you think about that?
Strange, she must eat olives. I love olives, though I only found out the other day that the only difference between the green ones and the black ones was the ripeness. (ED: As I am editing this I am feasting on some Tabasco enhanced olives…)
Could you saw your own arm off with a pocket knife if you had to?
Well, if I had to, I’d try my best to cut it off. And, I suppose, if I was starving, I might just rustle up a meal with it too. Waste not want not. (ED: Might as well, right?)
If you could adopt an unorthodox pet (no cats or dogs, etc) what would you pick and what would you name him or her? I would pick a Giraffe and name him or her Sgt. Peppers.
I think I would have to go for an ostrich and name it Herbert. Not sure why, though.
You have to have a clock on your desk (no phones or computers). Do you go digital or analog?
Digital, I can see it at night and I just generally prefer digital clocks.
What are your thoughts on the new trend of hat wearing?
Given that it is currently winter now, I’m a fan. These ears don’t just stay warm, you know. Though asides from winter, I don’t like hats.
I am not a big fan of big, puffy vests because I don’t understand why you would only want your chest warm in the winter. Please provide your thoughts.
I don’t like puffy vests, or even vests for that matter. I like a big winter jumper with Santa on it only. (ED: Excellent!)
You walk into someone’s office at work and it’s clear they have just farted, what do you do?
Abuse them for making such an awful smell. This genuinely seems to happen a fair bit. Last week I’m pretty sure someone did one in the lift whilst I was out shopping. This time I said nothing because I knew no one, just got off at the wrong floor and walked. (ED: True story – I know people like to leave farts on elevators but about a month ago someone went ahead and cut one while we were IN the cab!! WTF???)
Have you ever eaten a Turducken? If so, what did you think?
Never in my life have I heard of such a thing apart from in your interviews before. One day, I figure, I might have to try this monstrosity. I may see what I can get a hold of this Christmas for dinner 😮 (ED: Good luck, friend)
Texting or calling? What is your preferred method of communicating with another human?
Depends as to who it is, but as a general rule of thumb, a text will do the job as there is never anything urgent enough to warrant me ringing someone up, normally, at least.
What do you think of that and could we ever try and do something with dueling sentences??
Dueling sentences, now that sounds like it could be interesting, whatever that would exactly involve. I think we could try and have a duel, for sure.
Now I enjoyed that review, and thought it was a pretty good effort, up until the point where I reached the full stop at the end. I was sad that the journey was over. I’m impressed, and feel the need to write an excessive one sentence review now. Maybe I’ll write it on Sharktopus when I get to see it. (ED: THX!!)
I would do the second, tell her it’s there and highlight the fact that she got a great ass. I’d be smooth, she’d like that I was checking her bum out and who knows where the night would go… :O At least, in my head she wouldn’t mind.
I’ve always wanted to go see them because I am a wee bit fascinated by them – well, to the extent that I want a holiday in Costa Rica. Pretty impressive, I think, though a little bit pointless, right.
I recently read an article you published in the International Journal of Plant Sciences where you expounded on being marooned in a South American rain forest, surviving by eating only strange plant life that’s never been documented by science (until now). Would you please share your thoughts on that experience for our readers who don’t subscribe to that publication?
Of course, I would love to detail just how I survived, but firstly I must thank you for reading the originally published article. Now, for those who don’t know, I was flying over South America in my LH-10 Ellipse, before crash landing in a rain forest miles from anywhere. As the only survivor (well, I was the only one in the plane), I starved for days not knowing how to make fire or where to find food… But food knew where to find me, with an evil panther chasing me, only for me to defeat it with my bare hands. But food he was not. Lush green plants in strange formations, with pink, blue, yellow and purple leaves. I was starving, and frankly they looked pretty tasty. Plucking the leaves from the trees, I unleashed some kind of plant monster. Again, my bare hands won. The plant, I named it Plant One, for ease of remembrance. Now there were more plants that were seen, documented and eaten, from Plant Two to Plant Fifteen, none of which have ever been documented until now. It was an amazing experience, and you should be jealous. For some photos, pick up your copy of IJoPS and find out more 😉
Lastly, PLANKING or OWLING? Which do you practice on a regular basis???
To be honest, I tend to not practice either, and prefer to practice photobombing on a regular basis. Where there’s a camera intended for someone else, I’m there in the background to ruin, or potentially make better, their photos.