Isaacs Picture Conclusions


HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO THOSE OF YOU WHO CELEBRATE IT!! In this very special holiday edition of ISAACS INTERVIEWS I give THANKS to MY WIFE for saving my life and  my family and my pets who love me unconditionally and my friends both physical and electronic and YOU, The Good and Most Appreciated Reader who takes time out of their day to read my shit.


Now – here’s some etissues and let’s get on with our regularly scheduled programming ~


TEST TEST was the training manager who got me all trained up when I first got my job at the company I work for now. Back then, our company was a lot smaller and we had a lot more fun, like when we created these test accounts for certain things and then got collection letters at our building for Mr.  TEST TEST. Eventually he left the company and went on to become a rugged FBI agent who finally cornered his arch enemy only to find out he had planted a bomb that was going to destroy all of Los Angeles. In order to find out the bomb’s whereabouts, he actually took his enemy’s face off and had it surgically planted over his own. In the end, he saved the day and got his face back and now works for a realty company here in the city. Recently we sat down in a 20 story building he thought I was going to buy and we talked about these hotter-than-Bieber’s-break-up questions.


This is really, still a lot of fun for me – can you believe this is the TWELFTH ONE??? You are all soooooo awesome!!! As always, I never want to be a bother to anyone, so if anyone else is interested in doing this you can like this page or like THIS PAGE or leave me a comment or send me an email to – If you have “expressed” interest and I haven’t gotten back to you, I would never ignore you, it’s just that I want to do these one at a time and do them right – I will be getting back to you, promise : )




I gag uncontrollably when I brush my teeth, do you?

I’ve found that as long as I keep the brush on my teeth, gagging isn’t too much of an issue. You do understand that’s why they call it a “tooth brush,” don’t you? (ED: Here’s the skinny – I think the secret to not gagging is being able to breathe through your nose while you brush. I am allergic to anything that pollinates so I CONSTANTLY have sinus problems and shit running down the back of my throat so I can’t breathe through my nose, smarty pants).

If your best friend or loved one turned into a shit eating vampire, would you stake them in the heart?

I would not only stake them in the heart, but i would also shoot the un-dead ghoul in the head (now that open carry is legal, and all).

The Shining scared me so bad when I saw it as a kid that I can’t watch it again. Thoughts?

REDRUM- ha! I’ve not been able to sit through The Sixth Sense as an adult, and I’m unable to watch “The Walking Dead” before bedtime too. What…is that a problem? (ED: Weenie)

You’re at a bar drinking Brandy with Jesus Christ (whatever your religious affiliation is or is not). What do you ask him?

I don’t drink Brandy, but say I were at a bar doing Drambuie shots with J.C. – I think I’d have to ask him, “Why all the hate?”

John Leguizamo. Yes or no?

Ummm…maybe? It depends? Sometimes? Okay…probably not. The whole one-man stage act thing really did him in, IMHO.

Worst movie you’ve ever seen? Note: Anything by Uwe Boll is off the table.

I don’t even know who Uwe Boll is, although it sounds like something one might pick up in a Jackson, MS bar by accident. Back on point – worst movie ever was that PoS “Lightening Jack” with Crocodile Dundee in it. OMG was it bad!

I have a blog friend who claims she doesn’t eat olives, what do you think about that?

I think olives are Satan’s scat! They’re No. 1 on the short list of things I REFUSE to eat…ever! Either color! Oddly, I am a fan of their oil. Hmmm…go figure? (ED: LOL – you just don’t see the word scat often enough)

Could you saw your own arm off with a pocket knife if you had to?

I would like to think I could, but pretty much steer clear of any situation where it might be required. Plus, I no longer have to carry a pocket knife, since I’ve learned to kill with my bare hands and all.

If you could adopt an unorthodox pet (no cats or dogs, etc) what would you pick and what would you name him or her? I would pick a Giraffe and name him or her Sgt. Peppers.

I would adopt a Turkey, and try to breed it with a chicken, then take the resulting offspring and breed it with a duck – and name it Dinner.

You have to have a clock on your desk (no phones or computers). Do you go digital or analog?

Digital. Analog is so 1995!

What are your thoughts on the new trend of hat wearing?

Seriously! What is the deal with the freaking hats? Any wearing a knitted wool cap when it’s 105 degrees is purely insane! Unless you’re in a rodeo or playing baseball (or a on the set of Mad Men), hats are pointless. (ED – yes)

I am not a big fan of big, puffy vests because I don’t understand why you would only want your chest warm in the winter. Please provide your thoughts.

The puffy vest?? What’s the problem? I’m wearing one now…as I type this. And it’s camo. So there! Cold arms – no problem. You just cross them. Cold breasts? Try crossing them!

You walk into someone’s office at work and it’s clear they have just farted, what do you do?

Try not to smile, pat them on the back and say, “Good one!” Turn, and walk out the door. It’s happened, and I like to think I made the right decision. (ED: I used to save mine up FOR your office!!!)

Have you ever eaten a Turducken? If so, what did you think?

Wait – someone has already done this? I’m so bummed!

Texting or calling? What is your preferred method of communicating with another human?

I’m leaning more toward texting everyday. I prefer impersonal over personal any day.

and then:

Do you remember that time we went to Florida for that stupid system training and that trainer was basically “presenting” himself to you in the training room? I can’t remember his name but he thought you were a strapping young buck. Thoughts?

Like most of our adventures, I’ve blocked that one out of my mind. Of course, I was (and still am) a strapping (not so) young buck. What are you saying, exactly? (ED: I’m not saying anything…. I’m just saying…)

The last time we were working together, you were a pretty avid fisherman. Have you ever gutted a fish and found a human finger inside? Or, what’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever found inside a fish?

As much as I love fishing, I am despise cleaning them…so I never keep any. But, I did find a plastic worm that had been partially pooped out of a bass once. I pulled it the rest of the way out, and the fish said, “Thanks!” and asked for a cigarette. True story. (ED: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!)

Do you remember when I went off for six months to do that beta testing on the new billing system we were getting and when I came back I told you and a classroom full of trainees that this like nothing they’ve ever worked on before and it was going to be real hard for them so they really needed to pay attention and you said something like “my friend Eric sure is being dramatic, it’s not like we’re doing brain surgery here” and then ONE PERSON made one mistake and it crashed the fucking thing for a month???????

That I do remember! You could say that were were pioneers in some ways. Speaking of, do you remember the PocketNet device?? I spent 8 mos in Seattle working on that bad boy, and it never fully launched. Too bad to because you can never get enough of David Letterman’s Top 10! (ED: I DO!!!!!)

Are you pissed that that guy jumped out a plane from the atmosphere and stole all of your thunder????

That dude was suicidal – plain and simple.

Speaking of that, you once piloted a plane over the Bermuda Triangle and disappeared off of the Navy’s tracking system for just under two minutes. Can you recount, for the record, what happened to you in those 97 seconds??

I could tell you, but it’s classified information. (ED: O_O)


  1. J. Kindleman

    I am thankful that Master Isaacs knows such delightfully entertaining folks to interview.

    Olives=”Satan’s scat”. I am stealing that for use in my daily life.

    Please interview the Flowerboy soon.


  2. I am thankful that I actually am going to a dinner party next month where they are serving turducken, and it must be happening because of the vibes all these interviews have been sending out. So I will report back as to what it is like. Wish the Bermuda Triangle story here was not classified!


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