Andy, from ANDY WATCHES MOVIES, was once an honest man living in West Texas who came across the aftermath of a drug deal gone awry. Surveying the scene, he happened upon a satchel full of money and a dying Mexican and, after taking the loot home (who wouldn’t), he returned to give the man some water but was chased off by a bunch of gangsters in a truck. Eventually he was gunned down at a hotel in El Paso, which was a very anti-climactic (and disappointing) end to his story but now he runs a wicked awesome blog over at ANDY WATCHES MOVIES. It would be very surprising to me to find that someone who reads my site doesn’t read his, but if you haven’t – as soon as you’re done here you should go familiarize yourself with his work. It’s excellent! Recently, Andy and I sat down to talk about these Hotter-Than-Angus-Jones’-Hatred-Of-Two and a Half Men- questions.
Well – I made a mistake last week when I called Brent’s questionnaire the twelfth one, because Andy’s is actually the one that evens out the first dozen. Lucky Number 13 is looking promising to be a good one but I hope you guys are still having fun with these because I sure am. You are all soooooo awesome!!! As always, I never want to be a bother to anyone, so if anyone else is interested in doing this you can like this page or like THIS PAGE or leave me a comment or send me an email to email@example.com – If you have “expressed” interest and I haven’t gotten back to you, I would never ignore you, it’s just that I want to do these one at a time and do them right – I will be getting back to you, promise : )
THANK YOU ANDY FOR DOING THIS!!!
I gag uncontrollably when I brush my teeth, do you?
Sounds uncomfortable. No, only sometimes when I brush my tongue.
If your best friend or loved one turned into a shit eating vampire, would you stake them in the heart?
As in, they eat shit instead of drinking blood? (ED: I am surprised that I get this question so often… it’s a term Corey Feldman used in THE LOST BOYS to describe the vamps he was facing up against) I don’t think I could ever stake my wife, who is my best friend and loved one. (ED: Me neither.)
The Shining scared me so bad when I saw it as a kid that I can’t watch it again. Thoughts?
Man up and watch it.
You’re at a bar drinking Brandy with Jesus Christ (whatever your religious affiliation is or is not). What do you ask him?
“What is the correct religion?”
John Leguizamo. Yes or no?
Worst movie you’ve ever seen? Note: Anything by Uwe Boll is off the table.
Normally I don’t sit through shitty movies but I think I may have to go with Passion of the Christ. I saw no real redeeming values to that one and it was torture to sit through (pun intended).
I have a blog friend who claims she doesn’t eat olives, what do you think about that?
She’s really missing out. Olives are delicious and pretty versatile. What other food can be found in your cocktail and on your pizza/salad/taco? (ED: I KNOW!)
Could you saw your own arm off with a pocket knife if you had to?
Yeah, probably. That’d be a real bummer, though.
If you could adopt an unorthodox pet (no cats or dogs, etc) what would you pick and what would you name him or her? I would pick a Giraffe and name him or her Sgt. Peppers.
I like that name, good pick. I’m not creative for names anymore but about 10 years ago I had a hedgehog that I named Notorious H.O.G. and also called Biggie Hogs. (ED: LOL!)
You have to have a clock on your desk (no phones or computers). Do you go digital or analog?
I have one of those 70s flip clocks on my desk at work and I love it. My screensaver at home is the same type of clock. I do enjoy a good digital timepiece, though.
What are your thoughts on the new trend of hat wearing?
I’ve got no problem with the hats, just the douchebags that wear them. (ED: Welllll, they’re not ALL douches…)
I am not a big fan of big, puffy vests because I don’t understand why you would only want your chest warm in the winter. Please provide your thoughts.
Sometimes your arms just need to be free, man! FREE!
You walk into someone’s office at work and it’s clear they have just farted, what do you do?
Fart loudly so they don’t feel bad and hope that the two farts cancel each other out in terms of smell.
Have you ever eaten a Turducken? If so, what did you think?
Yeah, I did once and it was such a hassle to carve and not really worth the effort. Would rather eat something with bacon wrapped on it/stuff in it. (ED: Bacon wrapped shrimp…. mmmmmmmmmmmmm….)
Texting or calling? What is your preferred method of communicating with another human?
Texting. The only people I really talk to on the phone are my mom and my wife. (ED: Thank you. Calling people is so 2002)
I believe I’ve read out on your site that you live in the Chicago area. Three of my friends and I once took it upon ourselves to drive 13 hours to Chicago to see OU get the crap beat out of them by Northwestern at Soldier Field. At the game, we got really loaded on the Magic Beer they sold there and after it was over we went and jumped into Lake Michigan stark naked. One – did that make the news? And two – have you ever done anything similar??
I did not hear about that on the news, unfortunately. Stupid news not reporting the REAL issues. I will plead the fifth on your follow-up, though…
Speaking of that event, after that was all over we went downtown and ate at some steak house where two older women hit on me and gave me a fake gold necklace they had bought off of someone on the street. Is this common in downtown Chicago??
Well, older women hitting on people at bars is common – a long time ago, one woman grabbed me by my shirt, rammed her head like into my chest and took a deep breath and said “your cologne is making me hot” and then I left. (ED: HAHAHAHAHAHA)
There’s an internet rumor going around that you and a team of interns from AWM discovered what exactly is buried under Solomon’s Temple. Could you elaborate for our readers?
We think there is a surplus of Mountain Dew and beef jerky. Crews are standing by with ice and glasses. (ED: To the Good Reader – see how educational this site is?? A millennial old question – answered here!)
Speaking of our readers, they want to know: are you still filled with the same piss and vinegar you had as a youth?
No way. What was once vigor and muscle is tired and doughy.
Well, Mark is Scottish so he would probably have a bit of a haggis/beer flavor to him which could prove to be delicious but he could also be a good drinking buddy. I think I would choose to eat Tyson legs first (so he could be alive to enjoy the good times) while he, Mark, and I drank lots of beer. (ED: Good answer although I think Tyson would probably be a bit gamy.)