LIL PEE PEE (or PEEP for short) is the current nickname of one of my oldest and best friends, Chris. He has gone by many (Slappy, Chief, Cibbage, Jewish, King Douchebag, Flowerboy to name a few) but LIL PEE PEE has stuck lately, for some reason. Aside from my wife – or my mom – this is probably the human being I have spent the most amount of my life with. We’ve been through a lot together – we’ve laughed and cried and pooped and gone on some crazy adventures – so – he deserves everything he gets below. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. I would love to get some comments on this – because this was a LOT of fun but PEEP probably won’t reply – unless he’s taking a shit and reading my blog on his iPhone.
Here it is – the Big Finale for 2012!! I can’t even believe the response these things have had and how FUN and DIVERSE and CLEVER and HILARIOUS you all are!! THIS HAS BEEN GREAT!! If you missed out on THIS POST, I’ll remind you that I have a new set of questions for 2013 and I am looking for volunteers to answer them – and promote yourself!! I never want to be a bother to anyone so please let me know if you’re “IN” with a like to this page or the page in the link above or a comment or an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. And, like always, if you’ve expressed interest and I haven’t gotten back to you, I promise I will, I just want to do these one at a time and do them right.
THANKS CHRIS FOR DOING THIS!!!
I gag uncontrollably when I brush my teeth, do you, you sorry son of a bitch?
i kept a gatorade bottle of loogies. what do you think (ei: I think you’re a disgusting, bastardly fucker)
If your best friend or loved one turned into a shit eating vampire, would you stake them in the heart or shit your pants and then show everyone?
i’d probably just shit in my hand and then feed that to the vampire in order to escape with my life
The Shining scared me so bad when I saw it as a kid that I can’t watch it again. Thoughts?
you should watch the made for tv version first and then work you way up to the original, pussy.
You’re at a bar drinking Brandy with Jesus Christ (whatever your religious affiliation is or is not). What do you ask him, you Jew?
easter or christmas, what’s your favorite holiday.
John Leguizamo. Yes or no on doing him in the butt?
i’d probably let him give me a hand job. no anal exploration though
Worst movie you’ve ever seen? Note: Anything by Uwe Boll is off the table. You are not allowed to answer The Mad Butcher.
willy wonka with johnny depp was awful
I have a blog friend who claims she doesn’t eat olives, what do you think about that? to each there own.
i happen to enjoy olives but i guess they’re not for everyone. i can’t stand coconut but a lot of people eat that crap so who am i to judge.
Could you saw your own penis off with a pocket knife if you had to?
yes i could, and then i’d put it somewhere safe so john leguizamo couldn’t get his hands on it. again
If you could adopt an unorthodox pet (no cats or dogs, etc) what would you pick and what would you name him or her? I would pick a Giraffe and name him or her Sgt. Peppers. You are not allowed to answer The Mad Butcher.
i would get a tarantula and name him joe montana and i would take him to your house so you could pet him (ei: fucking gross)
You have to have a clock on your desk (no phones or computers). Do you go digital or analog? You are the latest fucker to EVERYTHING. This question is pointless.
what does analog mean.
What are your thoughts on the new trend of hat wearing?
i don’t mind baseball caps so much but those stupid caps all the hipster folks wear drive me crazy. literally.
I am not a big fan of big, puffy vests because I don’t understand why you would only want your chest warm in the winter. Please provide your thoughts.
i guess it makes more sense than big puffy sleaves and no vest
You walk into someone’s office at work and it’s clear they have just farted, what do you do? You fucking fart constantly. “Hi guys!! OOOPS Better open a window!!!!” and then when I do it you’re all “WAH WAH WAH cry that’s SOOOOOO disgusting!!!! WAH WAH WAH!!!” – What the hell???
look buddy, it’s not my fault you can’t fart on command. don’t be jealous, it’s unbecoming of you. i think i just farted. nope, its much worse. where’s a shit eating vampire when you need one.
Have you ever eaten a Turducken? If so, what did you think?
nope, but i always enjoyed when john madden would talk about them.
Texting or calling? What is your preferred method of communicating with another human?
Do you remember that time we were at your mom’s house and your mother was getting on your case about something and then your sister started adding her commentary and then Carl (Chris’ brother) got in on the action so you screamed at them all to leave you alone and you stood up and stomped on your sister’s Taco Bell and tracked it through the living room???
oh, the good ole days. i loved how my sister would always have to give her two cents.
How about that time I went to your mom’s house and rang the doorbell and was all set to moon you and your mom opened the door and I ran off down the street screaming with my pants down?
you always knew how to make an entrance. remember when i spent the night at your house and you told me how you mooned your mom and i didn’t believe you so yelled “mom, come here” and when she came in the living room you mooned her.
How about that time you went to that bar downtown with that girl I was seeing and I met up with you when I got off work and when we left you were missing and I found you in the bathroom throwing up everywhere and I was like “there, there it’ll be all right amigo” and then you shit your pants and then I started throwing up all over the place??? That must’ve been quite a sight.
there sure is a lot of shit discussion going on here. i might have a problem
We’ve made some good decisions in our lives. Like the time we jumped naked into Lake Michigan (I’m surprised we weren’t killed) and that time we took those homeless American Indians somewhere after drinking beer with them in that dumpy bar. How are we still alive???
remember when you tried to kick that pumpkin or the time you decided to hit a glass bottle with a baseball bat or the time you punched your windshield. or the time you put that fake snake looking thing in your pants and then we went to mazzios and everyone was looking at your package. or the time we went streaking through long john silvers
Lastly – remember that time we all went to hit golf balls into the lake and your old girlfriend decided to go get her dogs and you were like “Don’t bring them out here, they’ll run off” and then she did and they immediately ran and ran and ran so far away and as she drove off she flipped you off like it was your fault and kept the finger up the entire drive time? Man I am cracking up writing this!!! god that was sooooo funny.
the only reason she was mad is because she knew i was right. she kept that finger up the whole time. hahahahaha