Isaacs Picture Conclusions

CAMP SLAUGHTER (2005) ONE TOP HAT

SLAUGHTER1

Let’s go out on a limb and say that the concept behind this is, to me, a good idea: there’s a summer camp out there where everyone gets brutally slaughtered one night and then repeats itself over and over like GROUNDHOG DAY. Then I am going to gather you all back in and protect My Loved Ones with all of my power from this bastard of a movie because this thing was fucking terrible. This set the tone in the very first moments when four people are driving around in an S.U.V. talking about fucking and riding the trojan horse and twats and calling each other bitches and one guy is asleep in the back seat, drooling. This goes on for a number of minutes until the Hummer or whatever breaks down in the forest.

SLAUGHTER4

Ready for more? After the vehicle breaks down they lose all cell reception and someone or a group of people start throwing mud all over the auto. “That’s blood!!” someone ineffectively talk-screams. But it’s SO NOT  blood – it looks like mud or maybe some of the crew’s doodoo feces. So they fall asleep and wake up and are greeted by these mother fuckers who have been living the same day over and over since 1981.

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They talk all 80s and dress like that and I swear that guy’s ball pops out of his shorts a few times on accident. They think the visitors are from the government because they drive a tank and someone’s character’s name is Vade and in the orange there is the slut and the carpentry lesbo – guess who’s who. They go back to camp and that night everyone gets killed. The kills are all off screen and the situations are not one bit believable and the music is awful and at some point someone really says something like “You fuckers!! I’m so full even my twat is stuffed!!” and I wanted to quit this four minutes after it started.

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This movie has no value and I don’t want to talk about it any longer. There aren’t any good looking pics out there on the web involving this movie and I really just spent way too much time out of my life googling the word “imbecile” trying to find something witty to write about.  If you google the word “imbecile” you’re going to see a ton of George Bush and Barrack Obama pics and, for some reason, Chris Collinsworth (above).  Take my word for it that this movie sucks and if you want to watch something fun about a group of people being murdered at a camp, try BLOODY, BLOODY BIBLE CAMP or SPIRIT CAMP instead.

THUMB

Or – how about this?? Do you realize how much you use your thumb on your dominant hand? The other day I was taking down Christmas lights and – on the VERY first one – some cord got stuck and I yanked on it and ripped the cuticle off of my thumb. It bled like a sonofabitch but it eventually tapered off and I have been wearing bandages all week. Anyway – the point of this is to draw attention to the searing pain I experience when I tie my shoes, or put on my belt, or reach in my pocket for my wallet. That pain I am talking about? Think about that if you want to try this movie out.  Not MY pain – but the pain you risk for testing these waters.

Warmest regards,

ei

P.S. My good friend Erin over at 90shorror is having an event (and doing some excellent writing) – if you don’t already, you should go check out her site!!

26 comments

  1. I was like…Chris Collinsworth? What the fuck? You’re watching too much Football dude. (my poor Redskins blew it, RG3 out next year too). Sorry to hear about your injury though…I see you got the wuss bandage on. :p

    Like

    • theipc

      LOL – I tried going commando yesterday but then I put my wallet in my pocket and ripped the cut back open and got blood all over the place….

      it’s too bad about RG3 – he’s a good player ~

      Like

  2. I thin all the ‘Camp’ slasher style films have been done to death and even with the groundhog day wrinkle couldn’t possibly have enough originality to carry a movie. Attention filmmakers – stay away from camp.

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  3. Looks and sounds all 80s AND balls falling out of shorts? Sounds like my kind of movie.

    Another horror movie set at a summer camp you might want to watch is ‘Bloody Murder.’ If I could sum up that movie in 3 words it would be these: lazy copyright infringement.

    Like

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