Today I am happy to present to you part 1 of our two-parter with Chris – the brains behind the wonderful FILM HIPSTER site. We all know Chris from the work he does at FILM HIPSTER, but did you know that he was once an “inner city” high school teacher?? (among other things to be revealed next week) Yep – he graduated from high school and then went out and got his teaching degree, grew his hair into a glorious, giant Permanent, developed some side-burns, sported a very handsome moustache and got Welcomed Back to his old stomping grounds. Who would have thought they needed him?? Recently, Chris and I sat down at the top of the Continental Divide and talked about these hotter than who-gives-a-crap-about-Manti-T’eo’s-girlfriend questions!
Man, these things are fun and, if you’re interested, you can pick from the 2012 set or the 2013 set or BOTH! On the left of this page, under the beautiful header picture, are links to past interviews, please check them out and fall in sweet love with past participants!! I never want to bother anyone so just let me know if you want to participate!! Like this page or like THIS page or leave me a comment or send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. As always, if you’ve expressed interest and I haven’t gotten back to you, I would never ignore you, I am just slow and deliberate and try to do things one at a time and do them right the first time – I PROMISE I will get back to you. All my best – ei.
THANK YOU CHRIS FOR DOING THIS!!!!!
I gag uncontrollably when I brush my teeth, do you?
I don’t think that’s your mouth your brushing there Eric. Move the brush to your front…up a little higher…a little higher…yup that’s your mouth you sick bastard. (ED: So THAT’S what I have been doing wrong all these years!!!! I’ve been brushing my butt crack!!!! HORK HORK GLURB HACK!!!)
If your best friend or loved one turned into a shit eating vampire, would you stake them in the heart?
Yes, and it wouldn’t matter if they were male or female – I’d also kick them in the sack just for good measure.
The Shining scared me so bad when I saw it as a kid that I can’t watch it again. Thoughts?
From someone that watches films like ‘Baba Yaga, Devil Witch’ and ‘Donkey Punch’, I find that hard to believe. But if it’s true, stop being such a Leguizamo.
You’re at a bar drinking Brandy with Jesus Christ (whatever your religious affiliation is or is not). What do you ask him?
I’d probably ask him John Leguizamo. Yes or no?
John Leguizamo. Yes or no?
Funny thing, I just asked Jesus the same question 2 seconds ago. I’m getting confused, am I conducting this interview? (ED: Wait – what’s going on here?)
Worst movie you’ve ever seen? Note: Anything by Uwe Boll is off the table.
Your latest appearance in ‘Saturday Night Beaver’, I was very underwhelmed. (ED: Best answer to this question ever!!)
I have a blog friend who claims she doesn’t eat olives, what do you think about that?
I’d say they’re racist. Nobody doesn’t eat olives. (ED: I am pleased to report that she has finally been swayed to the CORRECT side)
Could you saw your own arm off with a pocket knife if you had to?
If I was handcuffed to a theater chair and forced to watch a Vince Vaughn film than yes…I could very easily saw my arm off. I’d also bludgeon my eyes out and still have the balls to ask the for my money back.
If you could adopt an unorthodox pet (no cats or dogs, etc) what would you pick and what would you name him or her? I would pick a Giraffe and name him or her Sgt. Peppers.
A pet Turducken and name it Lil Pee Pee. (ED: SCROTEY!!!)
You have to have a clock on your desk (no phones or computers). Do you go digital or analog?
Definitely digital, I still haven’t learnt that new analog technology.
What are your thoughts on the new trend of hat wearing?
To uncharacteristically quote a Monty Python film…”People aren’t wearing enough Hats” and I’m a firm believer in that philosophy.
I am not a big fan of big, puffy vests because I don’t understand why you would only want your chest warm in the winter. Please provide your thoughts.
I think that’s a very narrow minded belief…it’s not about the chest, it’s all about the nipples Eric. The nipples. (ED: Purple Nurples….)
You walk into someone’s office at work and it’s clear they have just farted, what do you do?
I’m always the giver and they usually don’t say anything.
Have you ever eaten a Turducken? If so, what did you think?
No I’m Canadian, we don’t eat chicken with stuffed duck. We usually eat out a lot of beaver. (I think I needed a comma in there somewhere.)
Texting or calling? What is your preferred method of communicating with another human?
Mostly texting…do phones still have a calling feature? (ED: Calling someone is so 2001)
In the immortal Burt Lancaster classic THE SWIMMER, his character, Ned Merrill, makes the decision that he is going to go swimming down a mountain in NY – thereby “swimming home”. Have you ever swam home, Chris? Be honest – this is for posterity.
That’s the best question you’ve asked me so far, too bad I don’t understand it. I’m just going to take a chance and answer with yes, I did once after a night out at Hooters.
iPad or Microsoft Surface. Which has the best app for determining what animal left droppings outside your improvised dwelling when you’re stranded in the jungles of Borneo, trying desperately to cling to life??
Of course, who hasn’t run into this problem once or twice in their lifetime? It’s a rare cross platform application for both the iPad and Microsoft Surface called Bing. Ever hear of it? (ED: huh???)
Last year I painted a picture of a sunflower from the game Plants vs. Zombies. How much do you think it would go for on the open market??????
If it looks anything like that picture you keep emailing me of us you running through the corn fields together, than yes. Mucho rubles. (ED: That one is much too personal to share…)
On a personal note, who do you identify more with, Ron Swanson, The Fourth Doctor or Jason Vorhees?
Being a graphic designer by trade, I’d have to go with Jason Vorhees. He’s sadly misunderstood as a psychopath killer, he’d much rather be remembered as the true artist he is, a Modernistic Machete virtuoso.
And lastly, our readers desperately want to know, how many times do you think it took me to type the word desperately the first time before I gave up and used the auto correct???
Fuck, I bet you misspelled auto correct too. (ED: It’s true…)