Isaacs Picture Conclusions

ISAACS INTERVIEWS FILM HIPSTER (PART 2)

IIMIC_2013

Today I am happy to present to you part 2 of our two-parter with Chris – the brains behind the wonderful FILM HIPSTER site. We all know Chris from the work he does at FILM HIPSTER, but did you know that he was once an “inner city” high school teacher?? (as well as something else – revealed BELOW!) Yep – he graduated from high school and then went out and got his teaching degree, grew his hair into a glorious, giant Permanent, developed some side-burns, sported a very handsome moustache and got Welcomed Back to his old stomping grounds. Who would have thought they needed him?? Recently, Chris and I sat down at the top of the Continental Divide and talked about these hotter than who-gives-a-crap-about-whatsherface-Kardashian’s-dad questions!

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Man, these things are fun and, if you’re interested, you can pick from the 2012 set or the 2013 set or BOTH! On the left of this page, under the beautiful header picture, are links to past interviews, please check them out and fall in sweet love with past participants!! I never want to bother anyone so just let me know if you want to participate!! Like this page or like THIS page or leave me a comment or send me an email to ei@theipc.meAs always, if you’ve expressed interest and I haven’t gotten back to you, I would never ignore you, I am just slow and deliberate and try to do things one at a time and do them right the first time – I PROMISE I will get back to you. All my best – ei.

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THANK YOU CHRIS FOR DOING THIS!!!!!

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I have never, ever in my life drank frozen margaritas all day and then went to my old place of employment and showered it with raw eggs. Have you ever defaced a public place??

Now I realize that the following story has nothing to do with frozen margaritas or raw eggs, but it sure was defacing. You see I was commissioned by my good friend to paint a portrait of rock legend Gene Simmons from KISS for his Nana’s 89th birthday party. My friend obviously had one pretty cool Nana so I put everything I had into the piece. I even framed it and wrapped it in a bow. When she unwrapped the gift two weeks later at the birthday party, she apparently had a heart attack when she saw the God of Thunder. She was a fan of the late, great Oscar Award winning actress Jean Simmons, not the fire breathing bass player. Oopsie.

I also have never, ever in my life spent a night in jail. Have you?

Yes, I actually spent a couple of hours in a jail once…it was dirty, smelled like bile and I was dangerously close to verbal rape. Oh wait, that wasn’t a jail, it was Vince Vaughn in The Watch.

Speaking of things I have never done, I have never in my life spent the day drinking Long Island Ice Teas and thought it would be a good idea to go streaking through a dumpy, old bar. Or a grocery store. Or a Long John Silvers. Or a movie theater. Have you???

I streaked once in 1976 at a Wall-Mart when I was 4. I made a sprint from the changing rooms to the toy section. I think I stopped for a soda on the way.

I am deathly afraid of spiders. It has to do with a childhood encounter with a house full of tarantulas. Is there anything that gets you a zillion percent freaked out when you see one and why??

I’m deathly afraid of American Idol fans and I think the reason for that is self explanatory. When I see them, I either shoo them away or flush them down the toilet. Why were you in a house full of tarantulas? (ED: When my mom got married to the man who adopted me and became my dad, we moved from the city we lived in to a new development in the city where I live now. One day, after the house was officially built, my mom and I went to go check it out one day after school. When she opened the door – right there in the entry way – were dozens of tarantulas and she started screaming her lungs out. Being a kid, I didn’t know what else to do so I started screaming and crying too and ever since then I can’t even look at a fucking spider without gagging.)

One time a bunch of friends and I were up in the Ozark Mountains for a wedding. At this local store I bought a jar of “Hot n Spicy Pickled Quail Eggs”. They were probably the most disgusting thing I have ever tried to eat. Ever had any??

Quail and weddings are extinct now, thanks a lot Eric.

You walk into someone’s office, cough and accidentally –but loudly – fart. Awkward!! What do you do??

I’d say oopsie and blame it on the ‘Hot n Spicy Pickled Quail Eggs’. (ED: LOL – eggs DO have a certain effect on me….)

I know I am a hot piece of ass and all, but I don’t get why everyone wants to stand so close to me at grocery stores and Barnes and Noble and such. Are you one of those close standers or do you respect people’s personal space and don’t invade their privacy???

I’m a practicing close stander and go door-to-door handing out literature every Saturday recruiting new close standers. Wanna join? (ED: I can’t hear you… you’re breaking up….)

Have you ever crammed yourself into the bottom of a boat or in the back of a moving van and smuggled yourself across some country’s border, effectively becoming an illegal alien????

Give the Canadian border police a Molson, he’ll gladly let you through. How do you think I got into Canada?

Have you ever ignored a warning from a crazy old man who advised that you were going to die if you went down some road and then you ended up being butchered for dinner at the hands of some lunatic?????

That’s a deep ‘Texas Chainsaw’ question. Has anyone ever answered yes to that? (ED: NO : ( ) If so, have you unfollowed them yet?

Let’s say you’re at a warehouse party and, after the band’s second set, you step out to get some fresh air. Someone else is out there and he asks you if you’ve got a light and you turn around and it’s Jesus Christ. How do you react???

Me: “Jesus Christ, you scared the Christ out of me.”

Jesus: “Hey, aren’t you the ass wipe that painted the Gene Simmons portrait for Nana ? She says payback will be a bitch” (ED: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)

A few years ago one of the local news stations here did apiece about the Curling Club I was in. I didn’t get any screen time but my shoes did. Have you ever been on the news??

Ha ha, you said Curling!

If there was a celebrity that I had to go on record saying that I hated – it would be Dane Cook. Do you have anyone you just detest??? (I hope it’s not me)

David Spade, he’s like that weasily uncle nobody wants to hug at Christmas.

That you know of, have you ever been probed by aliens????

If I haven’t, then the aliens are really missing out on a hot piece of probing.

Belly buttons. In or out????

I think belly buttons are always in-fashion. Just like Vest Jackets and the Rubik’s Cube.

Are you old enough to remember when you COULDN’T buy things online?? That’s not the question here though. Sitting in my office now,I am looking at the very first thing I ever bought online – a Green Bay Packer football helmet coffee mug – bought with my first computer in 1995.  Do you remember the first thing you ever bought online???

Hail to the Redskins!!

The first thing I ever ordered online was a product called ‘Potato Wieners’. They’re supposed to be potatoes shaped like wieners but mine just looked like Dane Cook’s face.

and then ~

Let me just come right out and let’s get the elephant out of the room, Chris – have you ever been a gigantic beast of a man, possessed with the spirits of unlucky victims of ritualistic voodoo sacrifices who went around killing people in steamy swamps??

You mean like Philip Michael Thomas? (ED: When I wrote this question, I was actually thinking more like CATALIN)

Speaking of steamy swamps, if you were faced with the opportunity of a lifetime, would your rather make it with the Swamp Thing or Adrienne Barbeau???

Well since Adrienne Barbeau is pretend, I would probably go with The Swamp Thing – he’s much dirtier and looks great in a swimsuit.

Be honest, which word do you use most often to refer the group of people you associate with: “Crooks” or”Criminals”????

Probably ‘Crooks’ since they like to mooch all my Molson’s during Hockey Night in Canada.

I read once that you were the first person cast to play Roy Schieder’s “Brody” in JAWS but dropped out citing “creative differences” with director Stevey Spielberg. The scuttlebutt around the office is that you thought the character should “get more ladies”while Spiels-y wanted him a family man. Can you settle this issue once and FOR ALL for our readers????

I see you’ve done you’re research Eric. It’s true, we didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of things during filming, one of which was Brody’s back story. But the biggest dispute we had with each other was over the actual breed of the creature. See, I thought it would have been hilarious if Jaws was a man eating tuna-fish, but Spiels-y kept insisting on a shark. Boy did he ever make the wrong choice, the movie wasn’t funny at all.

And lastly, a lot of people don’t know you from your previous job, but I do. Let’s see here, let me publish this postcard ~ HIPSTERO THE MAGINIFICENT!! I remember catching this show: 1956, White Plains, New York. Tell us, what’s the secret to taking a cannonball to the gut multiple times in one night AND – what’s the carnie life REALLY like??

HIPSTERO

‘Kootch Show’ girls and dudes hammering nails into their skulls – what happens at the carnie, stays at the carnie Eric…sorry. The secret to excessive cannonball shots? Switch the solid concrete cannonballs with ‘Hot n Spicy Pickled Quail Eggs’ from the Ozarks.

14 comments

  1. Pingback: On the Hot Seat! Part Deux « filmhipster

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