INTRIGUE! DANGER! ROMANCE!!
Yesterday I came out here and left you all a mushy letter about how much I appreciate you and how much I love that I get even one hit a day, much less a friendly email or comments or likes and I mean that SO MUCH. Like I’ve always said, I don’t ever want to be a bother to anyone, so when CATALIN emailed me a few weeks ago and asked if he could interview me, it made my little heart break a little because I’ve only wanted someone to ask me that for months and I was all “OMG OMG OMG yes!!!”. So, today, on Valentine’s Day, CATALIN has sent me roses and chocolates and my beautiful wife is all “is there something you need to tell me?” and we press on and present to you a hotter-than-the-pope’s-retirement interview with………. ME!
Man, these things are fun and, if you’re interested, you can pick from the 2012 set or the 2013 set or BOTH! On the left of this page, under the beautiful header picture, are links to past interviews, please check them out and fall in sweet love with past participants!! I never want to bother anyone so just let me know if you want to participate!! Like this page or like THIS page or leave me a comment or send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. As always, if you’ve expressed interest and I haven’t gotten back to you, I would never ignore you, I am just slow and deliberate and try to do things one at a time and do them right the first time – I PROMISE I will get back to you. All my best – ei.
THANK YOU CATALIN FOR DOING THIS!!!!
I know our virtual relationship is very tumultuous, we constantly fight, shout at each other, demean each other. But, even though we go through all of these constantly, I still have a great deal of respect for you and for your blog. What would you say is the thing that makes us fight this much?
It’s obviously because you HATE ME and I have no idea why!!?? I have never been anything but supportive and warm and silently hugging you an – WAIT!! WHAT?? I sound like I’m your fucking jockstrap!!! GROSS!!! FUCK YOUR BALLS!!! WAIT??? WHAT??? AAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!
It has recently come to my (and everyone’s) attention that you are a viking. How long have you been hiding this and how big are the horns on your helmet?
I have nothing to hide and never have. I am honest and open and warm and huggin— AAAAHHHH!!!!
Please see the attached photos:
When raiding, as vikings do, what is your favorite item to pillage? Gold? Women? Houses? Children? Chihuahas?
When I do my pillaging, I pillage the fuck out of everything. The elderly?? PILLAGED! The clergy?? PILLAGED!! The porridge pot?? FUCKING PILLAGED!!!!!
It has even more recently come to my attention that you’re pretty old. As in, OOOOLD. OOOOOOLD. While I have serious doubts that you’re aging like a fine wine does, what would you think is the best part of getting old?
Going to bed at 8!!!!!!!!!
Do you think it’s necessary to inform our audience that you are a pervert and you make me call you “Daddy” when we’re discussing in private?
Wait – are you saying you’re NOT my son??? I had always been under the impression that you found me because of all of the pillaging I did in Romania all those years ago!!?!?!??!?!
Would you say that Amber Alert is the best movie that you have seen in 2012? Or would that award go to other gems such as American Maniacs, House at the End of The Street, maybe even Camp Slaughter or that video of me taking a massive dump on a turducken?
Easily the one of you pooping! I can’t believe Malick agreed to do that!! Drunk bastard!! Man, we had a lot of fun on that set!! “Whoooooooooo wants martiiiiiniiiiiiiiiis???” HAHAHAHA “Wait, this isn’t MY corset!!!!!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA “Whose hand is on my penis?????” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
What would you say is your favorite food that can at the same time be used as a sex object?
Easy! A frozen package of sliced bacon!!
Why do I have so many dirty and perhaps offensive questions?
To answer this question, I have had to make the following diagram:
Given that we’re around or even on the 14th of February when this interview comes out, describe the perfect romantic date with Tyson Carter.
Sounds good: first he’d have to take me out to a nice, swanky restaurant in that village he lives in. I’m sure he would seduce me with several carafes of strong, thick, British booze (which I imagine would be laced with a date rape drug). Then he would take me out to his personal limo and we’d probably get it on with one of those princes the media is always going on about. After several hours of furious pillaging, I imagine he’d dump my dead body into one of those lakes where he lives.
Totally TUCKER AND DALE VS EVIL because I know Misty loves it and I think Erin still hasn’t seen it. And I want to see it again!
Now that we’re friends on Facebook as well, tell me that I’m pretty. Am I pretty, Daddy? Am I? Am I?
You are as brilliant as the rising sun. You are as beautiful as a song that cannot be sung. You are the light that gives us life. Or wait – was I just looking at the Facebook page for TAKEN 2….?
I’ve seen you refer to a movie as pbhbhbhbhbhbhbhhbhbhbthbtbhbhbhtbhtbthbbhh. Would you say that this is an accurate scale to measure the quality of the movie or would you say that it’s better left used for little babies’ tummies?
Honestly, I think if more people started using the pbhbhbhbhbhbhbhhbhbhbthbtbhbhbhtbhtbthbbhh scale, we would get less AMBER ALERTs and ANNA’S EVEs. Babies’ tummies?? I thought you ATE little babies for your supper….???
And the final question, because 13 is a lovely number. What is your biggest regret that you’ve felt since you’ve started following my blog?
See question number 1 – thinking about your balls for one second – *SHUDDER*
No, wait! I’ve changed my mind. Last question – why the HELL is it so hard to get my name right? It’s CATALIN, not Catalinin, not Catlalainin, not Caitlin, not Clatatilin. And definitely not Katalyn!
I misspelled your name ONCE you sorry bastard!!!! ONCE!!!! What do you want me to do??? Pour gasoline all over myself and light myself on fire??? CHRIST!!!!