Hello and welcome to another edition of ISAACS INTERVIEWS!! Today I proudly present interview session one with the great and powerful MADAME WEEBLES from the wonderful, hilarious, wry, poignant and occasionally sentimental FEAR NO WEEBLES! Have you ever met MADAME WEEBLES?? If not – you SHOULD! Her site is a fantastic place to be! And just so you know a little back story, MADAME WEEBLES used to be a NYC Cop who once vacationed in L.A. to spend Christmas with the estranged WEEBLE-SPOUSE. Things didn’t go so well for them as a bunch of terrorists took control of the high rise building they were partying in and held them all hostage. Luckily MADAME WEEBLES was able to take them down one by one and eventually saved the day!! Eventually she retired from that business and fired up FEAR NO WEEBLES – to the delight of us all!! Graciously, MME Weebles and I recently went tooling around New York City in her stretch limo, talking about these hotter-than-who’s-wearing-who-at-the-Academy-Awards questions!!
Damn, these things are fun and, if you’re interested in participating, you can pick from the 2012 set or the 2013 set or BOTH! On the left of this page, under the beautiful header picture (in a web browser), are links to past interviews, please check them out and fall in sweet, sweet love with past participants!! I never want to bother anyone so just let me know if you want to participate!! Like this page or like THIS page or leave me a comment or send me an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. As always, if you’ve expressed interest and I haven’t gotten back to you, I would never ignore you, I am just slow and deliberate and try to do things one at a time and do them right the first time – I PROMISE I will get back to you. All my best – ei.
THANK YOU WEEBS FOR DOING THIS!!!!!
I gag uncontrollably when I brush my teeth, do you?
I should be polite and decent but I’m so tempted to say something about how I know how to suppress my gag reflex. It comes in handy. You know, for teeth brushing. (ED: Indeed….)
If your best friend or loved one turned into a shit eating vampire, would you stake them in the heart?
I’d probably have to. People say I’m full of shit so I could be in big trouble with a shit-eating vampire.
The Shining scared me so bad when I saw it as a kid that I can’t watch it again. Thoughts?
I love that movie. It’s super creepy. Even creepier than the book, in my opinion. Kubrick and Nicholson were a great combo. But it didn’t scare me to the point that I can’t watch it again. I haven’t seen it for a long time, maybe I’ll watch it again over the weekend. But I can’t think about that movie without wanting to yell “Redrum! REDRUM!!!!!!”
You’re at a bar drinking Brandy with Jesus Christ (whatever your religious affiliation is or is not). What do you ask him?
“When you swear, whose name do you take in vain?” (ED: LOL!!!)
John Leguizamo. Yes or no?
He’s not one of my favorite people but I guess I have to say yes, because he’s one of my homies from Queens. He can be funny at times. And he was good in To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.
Worst movie you’ve ever seen? Note: Anything by Uwe Boll is off the table.
Uwe Boll movies are too easy, that would be cheating. The worst movie for me is Snakes on a Plane. I know a lot of people liked it but I walked out when they threw a little dog at a giant snake. I couldn’t take it. I wasn’t enjoying the movie before that scene, but that was the last straw. It might not be the worst movie plot-wise, acting-wise, or whatever, but it’s still the worst for me. (ED: You’ve had it with those mother fucking snakes on that mother fucking plane!!!!)
I have a blog friend who claims she doesn’t eat olives, what do you think about that?
She’s lying. Or she’s just trying to convince everyone that she’s better than the rest of us. Seriously, who can resist olives? I can’t. I’m a bitch for those things.
Could you saw your own arm off with a pocket knife if you had to?
I like to think I could if it was a matter of life or death, but honestly, I’m not sure. It’s pretty gruesome.
If you could adopt an unorthodox pet (no cats or dogs, etc) what would you pick and what would you name him or her? I would pick a Giraffe and name him or her Sgt. Peppers.
I would want an elephant. I love elephants. I would name him or her Baby. Because I think Baby the Elephant sounds funny.
You have to have a clock on your desk (no phones or computers). Do you go digital or analog?
Analog all the way! I’m old school. (ED: Amen!!)
What are your thoughts on the new trend of hat wearing?
Hats are back? I’m so out of the loop. I say yes to hats. Except for berets—unless you’re a military commando, you have no business wearing one of those.
I am not a big fan of big, puffy vests because I don’t understand why you would only want your chest warm in the winter. Please provide your thoughts.
Those vests make no sense to me. First, they’re ugly. Second, are there that may people out there whose arms don’t get cold? Third, they’re ugly. (ED: *nods*)
You walk into someone’s office at work and it’s clear they have just farted, what do you do?
This actually happened to me once. It wasn’t pleasant. I had to breathe through my mouth and when I talked I sounded like I had really swollen adenoids. (ED: This has NEVER happened in my office…………….)
Have you ever eaten a Turducken? If so, what did you think?
I have not. It sounds fowl. HA! Get it? Fowl??? (ED: LOL!)
Texting or calling? What is your preferred method of communicating with another human?
I hate the telephone with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns. I’m an emailer/texter. (ED: YES!!!)
and then ~
I just had to get eyeglasses so I can read easier. Tell me… honestly… how do I look….?
I think you look stunning. So handsome. Rugged, yet intellectual. What are you doing tonight? (ED: My wife is a lucky woman!!!!)
There’s a rumor on the street that you once held off more than 300 rage infected humans, desperately trying to gain entrance into the building you live in, for more than two weeks with only a Winchester Rifle, rounds of ammunition, two packs of cigarettes and a bottle of Canadian Club whiskey. What can you add to this extraordinary feat of perseverance and resolve????
It was really fucking scary, let me tell you. There I was, with zombies closing in me, and I had no more ammunition. I was a little tipsy on the whiskey, though, and I started singing “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.” Turns out they hate that song. They retreated immediately. But I still can’t drink Canadian Club without singing it. It’s probably why I usually drink alone.
We ALL love conspiracy theories and this is one of my favorites. I read that you actually competed and soundly defeated WATSON on Jeopardy! but IBM has it’s hands so deep in the US Government’s pockets that your victory was forcibly removed from all records and the footage destroyed. What do you have to say regarding this???
It’s all true. I still get hate texts from IBM. Those bastards. I originally felt bad for WATSON. He was so earnest and he was doing so well up until the end of the game. But Final Jeopardy! was about Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure and I smoked his digital ass. It’s not MY fault that those computer wonks didn’t program WATSON with a complete knowledge of popular culture. They need to get out of their parents’ basement more often, obviously. (ED: Fucking IBM!!!)
I’ve heard about this phenomenon for years and years but never tried it out. What’s it like when you lick the juices off of a frog’s back????
I was really surprised at how lemony those frogs are. Lemony, but with a hint of tarragon. I felt fine, though, no hallucinations or anything. Unless I did hallucinate and I just didn’t notice because I was distracted by all those dancing purple bunnies. Those little guys can really get their freak on. (ED: *strokes beard*…… yes……)
And, lastly, for today, how does it feel to have YOUR drawing of a hand turkey immortalized in the Smithsonian Institution????
It’s such an honor. I was thrilled when my mom used to hang my hand turkeys on the refrigerator, but to have it stuck on that giant fridge in the Smithsonian’s break room, well, it doesn’t get any better than that.