I don’t remember what I was doing at the time, or where I was, or who sent me what, but I remember there was kind of a big deal (at least in whatever circle I was hanging around at the time) when this got released on blu-ray. I had no idea why because I had never seen it or even heard about it, but that was a couple of years ago (I think) and I never bothered with it until the other day. I’ll be honest and admit that, after watching it, I wasn’t that impressed with it – not like some of the other 80s shit I’ve seen in the last year or so like: THE BURNING, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME or HELLO MARY LOU: PROM NIGHT 2 (which I LOVED). I thought this was kind of boring and some of these scenes lingered on for WAAAAAAAAAAAAYY too long. Since hearing about it, I had associated the movie with the poster above – but check out this alternate one:
This starts out with some American newsreel footage showing thousands of G.I.s on giant Naval Destroyers coming back to the States from Europe after WW2. Next up is a welcome home dance – complete with an emcee mind you – and soon a couple go off to make it in a gazebo under the moonlight – how sweet!! ♥ ♥ ♥. Little do they know that lurking in the bushes is an insane mother fucker in army fatigues wearing a gas mask!! And he’s looking to strike!! So he gores them through with a pitchfork and gargles “Say hello to Mrs. Satan for me…..!” He doesn’t actually say that though… he doesn’t say anything at all throughout the entire movie.
Fast forward thirty years and this little cutey up above is hosting the first party in her town in thirty years! Everyone’s been hesitant to relive the magic of yesteryear since those two kids were murdered so long ago, so no one’s wanted to fire things up since then. But that’s not the case this year and these college co-eds are gonna party their fucking socks off! Nothing’s going to stand in their way of getting some thrills. NOTHING!! Nothing except for this guy!!!!!!
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW shit!! No sooner can you say “piss in the punch bowl” and army man is upstairs murdering some poor, naked girl in the shower. Once blondie realizes her dormie is missing, she heads up to check out the situation. Up there, she somehow manages to miss the cut up bodies of her roommate and her roommate’s boyfriend, but, out in the hall, we are lead on a good ten minute chase through the dorm – a chase to the death!!!
Luckily, she narrowly escapes and the rest of the movie is everything you’ve seen a jillion times. He’s dead, she’s dead, they’re dead, etc., etc., ad infinitum. E Pluribus Unum. In my opinion – there’s nothing that stands out as super special here – we ALL know this has been done again and again and again – and I bet if this is your first time to ever see it, like it was mine, you’ll probably just be all *eh* but there are certainly worse ways to kill some time. Like going to a baby shower. Or going to jail. Or passing a kidney stone. or reading THIS. Enjoy!!