Hello and welcome to another edition of ISAACS INTERVIEWS!! Today I proudly present interview session two with the great and powerful MADAME WEEBLES from the wonderful, hilarious, wry, poignant and occasionally sentimental FEAR NO WEEBLES! Have you ever met MADAME WEEBLES?? If not – you SHOULD! Her site is a fantastic place to be! And just so you know a little back story, MADAME WEEBLES used to be a NYC Cop who once vacationed in L.A. to spend Christmas with the estranged WEEBLE-SPOUSE. Things didn’t go so well for them as a bunch of terrorists took control of the high rise building they were partying in and held them all hostage. Luckily MADAME WEEBLES was able to take them down one by one and eventually saved the day!! Eventually she retired from that business and fired up FEAR NO WEEBLES – to the delight of us all!! Graciously, MME Weebles and I recently went tooling around New York City in her stretch limo, talking about these hotter-than-Olivia-Wilde-Dissing-The-Beebs questions!!
Damn, these things are fun and, if you’re interested in participating, you can pick from the 2012 set or the 2013 set or BOTH! On the left of this page, under the beautiful header picture (in a web browser), are links to past interviews, please check them out and fall in sweet, sweet love with past participants!! I never want to bother anyone so just let me know if you want to participate!! Like this page or like THIS page or leave me a comment or send me an email to email@example.com. As always, if you’ve expressed interest and I haven’t gotten back to you, I would never ignore you, I am just slow and deliberate and try to do things one at a time and do them right the first time – I PROMISE I will get back to you. All my best – ei.
THANK YOU WEEBS FOR DOING THIS!!!!!
I have never, ever in my life drank frozen margaritas all day and then went to my old place of employment and showered it with raw eggs. Have you ever defaced a public place??
I have never defaced any of my former workplaces, although I have been sorely tempted. I have also never defaced any other places with raw eggs or anything else. I’d feel guilty wasting a perfectly good egg for an act of vandalism. My feeling is, if you’re going to defile a public place, use some creativity. Whatever happened to splashing the walls with the blood of infidels? Or maybe paint a mural with it. You don’t see that sort of dedication anymore. Kids today are so lazy. (ED: Man if that restaurant was still there I would totally go give it a good soaking with the blood of infidels!!!!)
I also have never, ever in my life spent a night in jail. Have you??
No way. Those coppers will never take me alive.
Speaking of things I have never done, I have never in my life spent the day drinking Long Island Ice Teas and thought it would be a good idea to go streaking through a dumpy, old bar. Or a grocery store. Or a Long John Silvers. Or a movie theater. Have you???
My my my, you really have gotten around, haven’t you, with all those places you’ve never streaked at. No, I have never gotten trashed on Long Island Iced Teas and streaked anywhere. Streaking isn’t my game. Why give everyone a full preview when you want them to check out the whole movie, know what I’m saying?
I am deathly afraid of spiders. It has to do with a childhood encounter with a house full of tarantulas. Is there anything that gets you a zillion percent freaked out when you see one and why??
Waterbugs. Just typing that word out is creeping me out. I shriek like a little girl every time I see one. They are disgusting, living proof that evil exists. A kind and benevolent deity wouldn’t have created those little fuckers. I’d be much happier in a house full of tarantulas than I would in a house with ONE waterbug.
One time a bunch of friends and I were up in the Ozark Mountains for a wedding. At this local store I bought a jar of “Hot n Spicy Pickled Quail Eggs”. They were probably the most disgusting thing I have ever tried to eat. Ever had any??
No, but they sound eggstremely nasty. Ha! Get it?? EGGStremely? See, because it’s about eggs. (ED: LOL!)
You walk into someone’s office, cough and accidentally – but loudly – fart. Awkward!! What do you do??
I’d quit immediately. There’s no recovering from that sort of bodily backblow. (ED: This has also, of course, NEVER happened to me!)
I know I am a hot piece of ass and all, but I don’t get why everyone wants to stand so close to me at grocery stores and Barnes and Noble and such. Are you one of those close standers or do you respect people’s personal space and don’t invade their privacy???
Oh brother, I feel your pain. This happens to me too and I hate it. I wrote about this very phenomenon in a post a while back. What you need to do is tell people, “If you’re going to be up my ass like that, at least buy me a drink first.” (ED: AMEN SISTER!!)
Have you ever crammed yourself into the bottom of a boat or in the back of a moving van and smuggled yourself across some country’s border, effectively becoming an illegal alien????
There was that one time I got blasted on daiquiris (I know, but they were really strong) and I snuck onto a barge, thinking I’d have a wild time in Mexico. But in my drunken stupor, it didn’t dawn on me that I was nowhere near Mexico, and that the barge was headed for Canada. And the Customs people in Ontario just politely asked me to leave. That was it. Disappointing.
Have you ever ignored a warning from a crazy old man who advised that you were going to die if you went down some road and then you ended up being butchered for dinner at the hands of some lunatic?????
Just once. I won’t make that mistake again. I managed to escape being butchered only after explaining that I had Mad Cow Disease and wouldn’t be safe for consumption. (ED: Clever!! I’ll have to use this the next time I am in this situation!)
Let’s say you’re at a warehouse party and, after the band’s second set, you step out to get some fresh air. Someone else is out there and he asks you if you’ve got a light and you turn around and it’s Jesus Christ. How do you react???
I’d offer him a light and then ask him what time his own set is. Because you just know Jesus plays a killer bass.
A few years ago one of the local news stations here did a piece about the Curling Club I was in. I didn’t get any screen time but my shoes did. Have you ever been on the news??
I was on the radio twice (insert joke about my having a face for radio). Once on NPR and once on the NPR equivalent in Norway, of all places. True story. However, I want to know about how your Curling Club got on television. My Curling Club never made the news. We worked on our hair for HOURS to get our curls just right, too. I was so mad. (ED: AWESOME!)
DUUUUUUUUUUUUDE. I too detest Dane Cook. He’s not funny. At ALL. What say we tag team, I’ll hold him down while you beat him senseless? Aside from him, my list include Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Alex Trebek, and most of South Carolina.
That you know of, have you ever been probed by aliens????
You mean illegal or extraterrestrial? Because my answer depends on which one you mean.
Belly buttons. In or out????
If you’re not an innie, you’re out.
I am indeed old enough to remember when you couldn’t buy things online. Those were dark times. I don’t remember the first thing I bought online, but I’m betting it was something on eBay, or a book. I tried to buy a mail-order husband online but even lonely, desperate men in Russia and the Philippines didn’t want to take me on.
You’ve told me you live in New York, have you ever
been caught between the moon and New York City MOONED New York city???
If by mooned you mean did I pull my pants down and showed everyone my behind, then no. If by mooned you mean did I accidentally tuck my skirt into my pantyhose and inadvertently moon midtown Manhattan, then yes. (ED: ME TOO!! wait – WHAT??!?!?!)
If I recall correctly, the last time we met, you were finishing off
your white paper on The Intermodal Stay of LNP in Rural America a pitcher of Cosmopolitans with your breakfast. How did the rest of that day go??????
I think it went really well. I just didn’t understand why everyone was wearing purple Day-Glo that day, or why they insisted on swaying so much. But that evening I went out for a nightcap with Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin. They were really fun for a pair of dead guys.
A long time ago, MRS. THE IPC and I (and one of our friends) went to New Orleans for fun. While I was there, I got my past lives read at some voodoo shop off of Bourbon Street. She was real nice and told me that I had, at one time, been imprisoned in a cave for being a heretic. what do you think about that and do you have any similar experiences???
What a coincidence, I too had my past lives read at a voodoo shop off Bourbon Street! Turns out I was the one who imprisoned you for being a heretic. My bad, bro, I thought you were someone else.
Here’s a picture of my desk at work (don’t worry, I tidy up every day before I leave). What does this image say about me, to you????
Well, for starters, I’m glad that you’re maintaining a healthy fluid intake. Hydration is important. Is that a jar of olives in the foreground? That looks like a single serving of olives to me. And I applaud your variety of sweets. Sugar is as important as hydration. The hand weight seems oddly out of place, but I suppose if you’re going to eat candy, you may as well lift a weight every so often to balance it out. And I applaud you for your Angry Bird pig and your Star Trek calendar. The only thing that would make you more awesome is if your computer screen were in the photo and Cute Overload was up on your browser.