Isaacs Picture Conclusions

BEYOND THE HILLS (2012)

BTH1

Let’s start this out by reinstating that in no way do I now, or would I ever, consider myself a film critic. I’m a guy that likes to drink beer and watch movies and, a long time ago, started writing about them on iWeb and them moved them over here to WordPress. I like movies to be fun and I like to see people having fun making them and being in them and I typically avoid watching, must less writing about, high brow, artsy fucking fartsy movies that go around winning Academy Awards. I prefer slasher horrors and, usually, the more independent the better. I also don’t mind one bit if they are slow and deliberate, because that’s how I go about life, “slow and easy wins the race”, someone once told me.

A scene from Beyond the Hills

When I saw this on my cable provider’s Video On Demand – the blurb was really something like “Two girls live in a secluded village. Life is fine until one of them starts exhibiting possession like tendencies and has to be exorcised!! (In Romanian with English subtitles)” Then I watched the trailer with words like “Masterpiece” and “Brilliant” floating around on the screen so I fired it up and emailed my Romanian friend CATALIN asking him when I could expect to see him in a cameo.

BTH3

He replied back with something like, “Why the FUCK are you watching THAT??” and then this direct quote: “It’s a revolting piece of sub-third rate flaccid journalism.” Well, he and I don’t always agree on things so I pressed on and about thirty minutes into it I was all “Why the FUCK am I watching THIS???” This is not a movie for a guy like me.  This bored the living shit out of me and everyone was talking constantly and I didn’t want to pay any attention but I paid eight bucks to rent it and at one point I felt like “I’m a grown fucking man why am I doing this to myself I have free will!!!?!?!?!?!” but I pressed on because eight bucks is eight bucks.

BTH4

I cannot say that this is not a well made, well acted, well produced movie – because it is – it’s quality. But I hated almost every goddamn minute of it. It’s a bunch of nuns crying and praying and peeling onions and praying and crying and talking and talking and talking – oh – and then there’s something about a girl acting up, so they bind her and gag her and then pray to her. YAWN. FUCKING. CITY. Did I mention that this is somewhere around 17 hours long??? Well – it’s not really but it was almost three hours and it felt like forever.

BTH5

Again – I can see how this will / did(?) win awards but this is SO not my kind of movie. My site out here is to have fun and be creative and get some chuckles and interact with some good people – this bored the fuck out of me and I can’t recommend this to any of my friends – unless you’re into this type of thing. It’s definitely a well made movie – devoid of any fun. There’s a little bit of action in it at about the 1:45 mark but then there’s 45 more minutes!!! Give me anything from this page any day over this: TGOGTSBPOOBO.

34 comments

  1. *giggles* It sounds like something I would love. 😉 Also I love the part where you go “I’m a grown fucking man why am I doing this to myself I have free will!!!?!?!?!?!” but I pressed on because eight bucks is eight bucks.” Hehehehe….

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    • theipc

      I couldn’t determine a top hat status because this movie was excellently made and executed but bored me to the point of passionately hating it. Like we use to have to do at work when we’d get tangled up in shitty no-win situations – I just punted.

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  2. hahah! Hilarious!! Well I’ll still check it out. I often like films that other people would consider boring so might just give it a twirl to see if I can see anything worthwhile in it. would you say this was the most boring film you’ve ever seen? My number one snore film would have to be The Perfect Storm 😉

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    • theipc

      Lol – I love that movie. Every day when I leave work I check to see if I have everything I need and quote that line as I check my pockets “spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch” – ha ha!

      Like

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