Has anyone else ever seen this (shortened in the U.S. release to just “Girly”)? This movie is fucking weird. And not “weird” like 70s psychedelia LSD weird, it’s just…. weird. There’s five main characters and four of them are female – well – one of them is a teenage male (see below) but his voice is so high and piercing and he’s so frail and feeble that he might have been a sick girl. Anyway, they all talk in the highest, screechingest British voices I think I’ve ever heard, the two kids do a LOT of running around and screaming, there’s a LOT of knitting and all of the kills are off screen. Also, depending on your taste, there’s nothing provocative to see here, move along kid. Oh – and almost every single piece of dialogue is a rhyme, like such: “Nasty Nanny is no good! Chop her up for fire wood! When she’s dead, boil her head, make it into gingerbread!”.
Sooooooooooooo – those two youths in the hats go out into the world and use their alluring charms to lure men back to their stately mansion where they play games and piercingly rhyme their way through the movie. Oh – a spoiler – they also kill them if they break any of the house’s Strict, Proper, Formal rules. Try to leave? Death. Fidget during a home movie? Death. Screw Girly? Death. Forget the Groceries? Death. Fart during Church? Death. Wait – that wasn’t in the movie – that’s what happened to me when I was a kid!
I do have to say that the acting put on by this young lady, Vanessa Howard was pretty, pretty good. In one streak of dialogue she can go from shriekingly happy to crazy-as-fuck angry to moony-eyed sad to sexy to pouty and back to happy. In, like, one minute. Kind of like TYSON. The boy kid really irritated me to no end – are any of you familiar “Classic” Doctor Who? There’s this character named Adric who is universally reviled by all Classic Who fans. If this reference isn’t lost on you, think – a very, very, very, very hyper Adric. I thought the actress playing the mom was pretty good and the nanny cracked me up.
I’m not an English woman or and English filmmaker from the 70s, but I didn’t get the attraction all three of the females had for this dude, below. Maybe they were just starved for some of The Sex? His moustache? Who knows *shrugs*. I don’t know – but at least this movie didn’t make me go “tits up” because it was so bad, it was just….. odd… I would NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER intend to insult my English Readers in ANY FUCKING WAY AT ALL, but, Scrotey, if you’re reading this, this would give us perfect dialogue for those drunken nights when we get our Monty-Python-Americans-In-Drag-Olde-English-Women-Mrs-Kensington-and-Mrs-Pennybottom-voices going on.