Isaacs Picture Conclusions

SIREN (2010) TWO TOP HATS

SIREN2010

This movie is really a whole lot of nothing.  There are six cast members: two in a relationship, one the needless third party ex boyfriend, a boat rental dude, an insane Tunisian (I think) and then the Siren, the seductive sailor killer from Greek mythology, who is not very seductive in this version.  From what I barely remember from my studies when I was a kid, there were three sirens who sang to sailors and drove them into reefs and killed them with their songs, which I assume is the basis of this movie poster. In this one there is only the one siren, who, indeed, does lip synch (badly) a song OVER and OVER which, indeed (spoiler) kills three of the cast. Lucky for the boat rental dude he never made it to the island. Siren has some blood and two scantily clad chicks, and it’s HD, but that’s about it.

SIREN2010D

This woman: “I can’t believe I got stranded out in the middle of nowhere with no cars or civilization for miles. In my high heels nonetheless.”

Here’s the story, cocky A-hole, Beemer SUV driving lawyer picks up a barely clothed lady on the side of the road.

SIREN2010E

Beemer dude: “Fucking SCORE!!!! I hope this chick’s a slut!!!!” *emission* “Oh fuck, I need to change my 700 dollar slacks…”

She puts her hands between her short skirtted legs and they almost get in a wreck. HONK! They turn off to a bathroom on the side of the road and opt to do IT – but this is interrupted when the woman has an eerie premonition of a blond woman in the stall next to them. As it turns out, the girl he failed to BOINK HONK!! is his girlfriend after all and not some roadside slut so they head to the harbor to meet up with her ex boyfriend, take out the firm’s yacht and head into the open seas.  After awhile, out in the ocean, the couple decides to do it again, to fruition HONK!!and then have a post-coitus nap. Unfortunately, they are woken from their slumber when the boat runs aground of a reef and a crazed man bleeding from his ears (yep) scrambles aboard the yacht yelling in a foreign language. Conveniently, he dies, so they head to shore and bury him… and then they spot the siren herself, named Silka.

SIREN2010C

Silka: “CLANG, CLANG, CLANG GOES THE TROLLEY!!! DIND, DING, DING GOES THE BELL!!!!”

She then seduces the three of them and sings a lot, then the men have hallucinations and visions of bloody situations that make no sense and have no linear value to the film.  Cocky lawyer is walking off the beach with Silka, but he’s not really. He’s in the boat doing IT with someone, or is he? He’s having his leg amputated by the crazy Tunisian, or is he?  He wakes up in a field with a full leg, but there’s a corpse next to him with a missing leg. Wuuuuuuuhhhhhhht…. All of that aside, it was “OK” but I spent a lot of time playing Angry Birds during the hour twenty run time, because I just wasn’t that interested. My advice – don’t rent it, catch it for free.

SIREN2010B

This woman: “Stop the movie right now. Go no further. STOP!! STOP!!!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ………………………………………………..now you’ve done it………………”

Oh yeah – if you do watch this, skip the very end, it’s STUPID. Just turn it off when the camera pans out with Rachel crying in the water. Trust me. Oh yeah – that seductive tagline and poster………….. nope.

***

On a lighter note – I was reading the paper this morning and came across this article… Hey FILMHIPSTER!! I didn’t know you were in town!! You should have let me know!!

http://newsok.com/naked-man-is-arrested-after-midwest-city-police-receive-30-calls-to-911/article/3781501

21 comments

    • theipc

      LOL – uhhhhhh – I wouldn’t rush out into to town looking for a copy of this…. maybe someday if you’re sitting around with NOTHING to do – which, according to your blog, you appear to ALWAYS be doing something : )

      thank you for reading this – I know you are very busy : )

      Like

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