Isaacs Picture Conclusions

CUBE (1997) THREE TOP HATS

CUBE1

1997??? Has it been THAT long since this came out??? Time sure does fly. I remember, I guess, I watched this in my old apartment with my old roommate and I don’t remember being blown away by it the first time. It seemed kind of fuzzy when I opened the Netflix package the other week and I was all – hmmmmm – but that was when we use to sit around drinking cheap Scotch and Keystone beers for hours and hours. Anyway, drivel aside, I checked this out not too long ago and I guess I still feel the same – not too bad, not great, seen worse, no boobs.

CUBE2

I always come out here and complain that I’m not a huge fan of dialogue – so: I’m not a huge fan of a lot of needless dialogue. I’m more interested in the imagery, not a bunch of yapping. But – I never get my way, so I watch these things and there’s a bunch of BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB BLAB but I deal with it and try to make the best out of bad situations. If I had my preference, with dialogue, it would at least be needful and press the movie along, but what REALLY bothers me is bullshit like this:

Setting: everything’s really hitting the fan, what we need here is some calm to figure things out but instead the most irritating character in the world starts screaming:

“You listen to me, woman. Every day I mop up after your bleeding heart. The only reason you even exist is because I keep you!. I know your type. No kids, no man to fuck you. So, you go around outraged, sticking your nose up other people’s assholes. Sniffing their business.”

I mean – THAT’S what you say? or there’s always the:

SCREAMS: “WE WOULDN’T BE IN THIS FUCKING SITUATION IF YOU HADN’T ________________!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Whatever – this movie is full of shit like that.

CUBE3

This movie definitely looks good and I like the concept, but the characterS and what they say did little to nothing for me except for the mathematician (the girl in the first picture). All of the others were just stupid, especially the asshole below. Are you familiar with this movie? Six people are trapped in a big cube and have no idea how or why they got there. Some of the adjacent cube rooms are safe and some are very deadly. Will they survive? Will they make it out? Will you give a fuck?

CUBE4

Hard to tell about that last one. I thought this was OK but it could’ve been better. I think this was kind of popular back in the day – maybe not as popular as, say, CON AIR,  but popular – it has a couple of sequels I’ve never seen but feel like checking out. Oh yeah – not that this will be a big draw to anyone but there’s surprisingly good CGI for a movie from 1997. On a final note, yesterday I was at the grocery store picking up some dog food and, on my way out, I noticed the return of the “turnstile movie kiosk”. There’s a reason these movies are on those shelves of the turnstile movie kiosk and a reason we’ve never heard of them: because they look SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITYYYYY. So I bought a 16 pack of them for 5 bucks. Stay tuned!!!

CUBE5

39 comments

  1. 1997, wow! I haven’t seen this in ages and I thought it was amazing at the time I wonder how it holds ups for myself when viewing? by what you say maybe not and I love the tone of the review. “All of the others were just stupid, especially the asshole below” – Priceless!
    $5 for 16 movies, that’s not bad if one of them turns out good!
    your review give me a chuckle – excellent work!

    Like

  2. For $5, you get 16..meh. I’d have gotten it too 🙂 Goes for a nice night of criticizing..just don’t do it all in one shot..might get you to start banging your head against the wall 😉 Just a suggestion!
    Why the french poster? You had me thinking it was a crummy Quebec production or something..haha! But its not! I wasn’t as current of movies back then…at least not Quebec movies.

    Like

  3. Like the french poster, liked this movie too. Think I would have given it 4 hats but I haven’t seen it in a long time either. It might be one of those flicks that is only great the first time because of how different it is compared to all the other flicks that came out in that year. I remember it reminding me of a long twilight zone episode.

    Like

  4. Pingback: Oblivion, the Lammy Awards | filmhipster

  5. Pingback: Oblivion, the Lammy Awards and a little Filth | filmhipster

  6. I don’t remember much about this other than 1. I watched it because it was a great concept & sounded promising and 2. I f#%king HATED it because the characters were so completely hateful & just pissed me off.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: