Isaacs Picture Conclusions

SHITFEST 2013: THE OPENING CEREMONY!!

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HI!! Welcome to the opening ceremonies for SHITFEST 2013!! This is a Film Festival / Contest where we will be discussing and showcasing the shittiest movies we’ve seen!

The rules are very simple: no genre limitation (although horror is preferred), no year of release limitation and it doesn’t have to be something you just sat down and watched last night (as in: it can be something you’ve already written about that you would like to include here). There will be 32 movie posts for SHITFEST 2013 and maybe even some extra, fun stuff if I can think something up…

Typically, weekends are pretty slow around here so, if it looks like I’ll have to use my own material as filler, I’ll post them on Saturdays and Sundays and showcase your work during the busier days when people are being unproductive at work! Meaning – if you’ve sent me something and you see one of mine pop up before yours is posted – don’t fret!! I want you to get as much attention as possible!!

There will be an award made with the Official Selection engraved on it. If the winning post author lives overseas (I don’t know about Canada) I probably can’t afford to ship it to you, but I’ll find a way to get you a monetary prize of 50 dollars (U.S.). We’ll have to work together to see how we could get this accomplished. If the winner is in the states, I’ll send you the trophy.

*NOTE: I’ve recently fielded some concerns (in email) over the use of the bracket system to determine the official winner. I’ve given this a ton of thought and, instead of polls, a jury of five has been selected to convene and vote on the overall winner. No jury member is allowed to vote on themselves.

If you’re not familiar with SCROTEY, he’s one of my oldest friends and the interview at that link is pretty fucking funny. Anyway, he’s the honorary Master of Ceremonies this year and I see that he’s just pulled up to where he lives, the Bus Station, in his Pimpin’ Ride.

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He’s passed one of his hundreds of roommates…

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He’s entered his HQ….

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He’s at his “podium” and he’s prepared to make THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!!!! HOW EXCITING!!!!!!!

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And with that, we’re ready to go!!! This is the inaugural year of SHIITFEST so I have no idea how this will turn out, but I am sure it will turn into a SXSW style event very soon : ) This year, we have an official theme song – which is also THE WORST SONG EVER MADE! I 100% guarantee that.

Here’s a little history behind it. One night, several months ago, I was having one, maybe two beers and I thought it would be funny to write a song to put out here. The next day, I was having one, maybe two margaritas at lunch and texted SCROTEY and RANCHIE to come over and we made this song. When we were making it we thought it was EPIC and would go viral and it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING GOOD and we needed to go buy some new suits to be on Good Morning America (a daily news show here) and Jimmy Fallon would have us on his show and we’d be fucking the talk of the world.

The next day I got up and I was fuzzy headed after only two, maybe one beers and asked the wife to replay it and she was all “are you suuuuuuuuure???” I thought – “Wait… what?” and she pressed play and this is the goddammed most awful piece of shit ever recorded. My friend Lem thought it was epic when you think about the dynamic of the four of us involved, but it’s a terrible piece of shit. We’e all been friends for a combined 110 years so this… just makes sense… that’s me with the lyrics and on the maracas (and the beer can opening if you catch that), the wife is the mixer, SCROTEY on voice and RANCHIE on the synth-ivories. Give it a listen and laugh your ass off – it SUCKS!

And since we’re all about what sucks for SHITFEST!! I’ll be back in the morning with the first entry!!!!!

55 comments

  1. kloipy

    Dude this is amazing! I would offer Munchie as the worst movie I’ve seen, but I don’t think I could watch it again.

    In regards to the song, it is awesome but since I’m a musician I have to add my 2 cents:
    What would make this song even better IMO would be if at least 3 times you added in the hook from ‘Forever Young’

    Like

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    • theipc

      HAHAHAHAHA!!!

      This song is so miserable I don’t think I can readdress it in the studio : )!! I barely made it through having to listen to it a few times to make sure it worked on this post!! LOL

      Hey – thanks for the comment – that reminds me to go comment on your post from yesterday!! Here I come –

      Like

      Reply
  3. Ranchie

    Well I don’t know about anyone else..But the composer/keyboardist really made that song come to life. Hopefully he doesn’t get a better offer and leave Scrotie and EI EI oh oh behind. Wait..I just listened again to the song. I’d rather hear two dogs fuckin in an old wool sack. But..you have to start somewhere. I bet our next song will be one that they use on the Voice, American Idol and The X Factor. Or maybe at an insane asylum to keep the crazies..crazy. If anyone would like our autographs just let Eric know and we will have head shots made an shipped out. Am I still drunk?

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    • theipc

      Le Clown,

      HAHAHA That’s a good one!! Of course, if you wanted to drop in an entry of a movie directed by Alan Smithee, it would be accepted. Anything goes at SHITFEST 2013.

      It’s like the electronic version of Woodstock, only with less hair on our heads. And more weed. You know. For medical purposes.

      Eric

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  11. Mark Walker

    Hahahahaa! Damn Y’all! That’s some good smellin’ and soundin’ shit! Perfect accompaniment to this stinker of a festival you’re runnin’ here. I was genuinely tickled by that bro. Superb stuff.

    Boat Drinks!

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  12. Mrs. THEIPC.ME

    I don’t know about the lead singer of our “band” formerly known as Stinkbait, but the production value is unparralled! I think we have a hit on our hands fellas! If you can’t get the “melody” out of your head then that spells WINNING! 🙂

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    • theipc

      HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      A few suggestions have come in for a follow up / Big Finale of SHITFEST closing day song. We’ll see what happens : )

      LOL – does she still make movies??

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      • GaryLee828

        Do you have a song recorded ready to go? If not, I think I could make a really shitty song on my computer if you wanted! lol. I’ve been rapping since middle school, and have recorded dozens of songs, and still do on occasion. Some of my old stuff may qualify for shitfest; well, some would say my new stuff might, too, but I’d have to disagree. lol.

        But I think I could make something nice-and-shitty. I could actually sing and my singing vocals are so disastrously bad they could possibly shut Shitfest down and get us banned from the internet. lol.

        By the way, follow me on twitter @GaryLee828

        Like

      • theipc

        Hey Gary – thanks for the tip!!!

        Let’s see how this goes and let’s readdress this in a few weeks : )

        Like

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