Death Spa (1989)
Spoiler alert: this is an AWFUL movie. That does not mean I don’t like it. I enjoyed it quite a lot. I just wish the person who wrote the incredible line, “I’m beta and you’re VHS,” spoken by a gay man brushing off a predatory woman, had written the rest of the screenplay.
At least there is lots of gore and plenty of naked women in a group shower. I was looking through the credits and noticed Tane McClure’s name. I said to my husband, “I didn’t see Tane McClure in this movie,” and he said, “I’m sure she was in the shower.”
This has all the great 80s horror conventions. You know who the killer is from the beginning, someone gets killed being seduced by a ghost, someone uses food as foreplay, somebody gets killed while sneaking off to meet someone they shouldn’t be meeting, a tanning bed scene, a sauna scene, bodies that are never found after days of lying around in the health club, and the whole thing leads up to a party that can’t be cancelled where you know everyone is gonna die. There’s even a song at the end that describes what went on in the movie. Then there are the bonuses: a hand in a blender, an exploding hand, an exploding torso, and Merritt Butrick rolling around on the floor in drag.
But with all that, it still manages to be only fit for those who seek out bad movies on purpose. I would say this would be great for a remake, except that you couldn’t make this today. Remember, the whole plot hinges on the spa being run by a computer that only one person can operate, and he’s evil. Nowadays you could just fire him and bring in your second grader to run the computer for a dollar a day.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and watch Aerobicide.
Hey, where did the paragraph breaks go? Killed by an evil computer? 😀
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WHAT THE FUCK????
This looked perfect when I did the preview!!!!!
AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
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Also, I completely forgot to mention that, during the party scenes, a huge dead frozen fish pops out of a freezer and bites someone to death. So everyone loves zombie fish, right?
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We were having all sorts of power problems the last few days because of that stupid tornado you might have heard about. It looks like something went wonky with the auto-save. I think it’s fixed now!!
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Woo!
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SORRY about that!!! I messed that up and Dan’s header : ( you guys must think I suck…. : (
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Blogger, please!
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eHugs : )
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LOL ! Where can I find these movies?
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LOL!! Under rocks or coiled up and hissing and ready to strike in your flower beds!!!!
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Ren, here you go! lol.
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I used a dead frozen fish as foreplay once.
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HAHAHA – wait…..
WHAT????????????????????
*excuses self from room*
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Jimmy Page?
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No I used something different on Jimmy Page.
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He’s such a diva.
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Ahhhhhhhh….the gym!!!!
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Gyms are good for……….. NOTHING!!!!!!!!!
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Whoever designed this movie poster is my hero. Although, I kind of thought that maybe it was going to be a vampire owned spa because of the way the letter P looks like a wooden stake. But I’ll settle for zombie fish.
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LOL!!!! Zombie Fish!!
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“Remember, the whole plot hinges on the spa being run by a computer that only one person can operate, and he’s evil.”
Ha-ha, made me laugh.
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And of course, this is now added to my list of movies to see. Especially because there’s a song!!
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