I wasn’t much of a poet growing up. And nothing has changed since. However, if there was one poetic style I knew how to rock, it was the acrostic. Behold boys and girls, it is a very special, very shitty Shitfest acrostic review of Roger Corman’s Swamp Women.
So are these women residents of the swamp, or actually made of swamp? Man, I hope it’s the latter.
Woah hold up a second, acrostics aren’t meant to rhyme or shit like that are they? Probably should have googled that before I started. But check how the first letters of each bit spell out the title of the film. Pretty wild aye?
Actually there are a lot of parallels between this film and The Paperboy. Both are set in swamps for example. And… no actually that’s it.
Man this is some false advertising shit. These are just stock standard women who go into a swamp to look for some diamonds. Not one amongst them is a raging 100 metre tall swamp beast.
Picture of the beer I drank whilst writing this review, to get me through, cause this film was poo, Corman I usually love you, tie my shoe, rose coloured hue, cold as an igloo, (hey that bit rhymes):
Written this script was, by not at all good scriptwriters. If one was attempting to increase the number of times the word shit was written in a review to enhance the probability of winning shitfest, they would say the scriptwriters were shit.
Only the actors are worse than the scriptwriters.
Monsters, Monsters Inc, M, Mon Oncle and Muppet Christmas Carol are all fantastic films. Swamp Women is not. It is grade A shite. Fuck, even Mulan rocks in comparison to this film. Just as many swamp women in that film too.
Extremely rare to find a film that can create so little atmosphere, tension, intrigue or enjoyment as this one.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. An Alligator just appeared on the scene, so I assumed that someone was going to get seriously mashed by a fakearse lookin gator. But some jerk had to stab the alligator before it could mash anyone. That’s it, I pronounce this movie SHIT.
If you really do need to confirm that this is some shitty shit, you can watch it right here: